Staying Alive

Yo.

2010-04-24T20:06:00.000+01:00

I might start using this again. Maybe.

Nothing has changed.

Hang on a sec...

2009-05-26T21:10:00.001+01:00

I just needed somewhere to say that I'm seriously fucking happy. I kissed her and it was awesome and...I haven't been so pleased in fucking ages. Fuck Dublin. I wanna stay in Kingston.

Goodbye.

Blogs.

2009-05-23T00:53:00.000+01:00

Fuck them. Phase has past.

See ya.

Mixtape

2009-05-18T01:51:00.002+01:00

I made a little comp of some awesome songs. I don't know if anyone will bother downloading it but you never know. I made it as a reference point for the kind of sound my band are going in and I thought I'd share it. Enjoy, if you get it.

1. 1995 - H2O
2. Carms Race - SHOOK ONES
3. Memorial Field - TITLE FIGHT
4. From Mountain Movers, To Lazy Losers - FIREWORKS
5. Keystone Sate Dude-Core - THE WONDER YEARS
6. The (Not So) Noble Purveyors of the Third or Fourth Coming - NO TRIGGER
7. Your Oven's On Fire - SAVE YOUR BREATH
8. Wake The Dead - COMEBACK KID
9. A Bottle Of Charades - LIVING WITH LIONS
10. Mutiny - SET YOUR GOALS
11. Too Late, No Friends - DAGGERMOUTH
12. Forgiver Forgetter - DEFEATER
13. I'm The One - DESCENDENTS

Dope Songs

Bands I Like and Think You Should Like Too: Daggermouth

2009-05-14T15:06:00.002+01:00

DAGGERMOUTH
Hardcore/Pop Punk

Daggermouth are my all time favourite band ever. Their album Turf Wars is a fucking masterpiece; every single song is gold. Their first album Stallone is fucking class as well, although not as good as Turf Wars. I honestly cannot pick a favourite song from it because they are all delish. I can only find live videos of them, so it'll have to do.

You Do This As A Fad, We Do This As A Lifestyle

Fucking perfect song. The vocals aren't as good live, but trust me, the recording is amazing.

Hawt Lixx

I could do this for every song on that album. I love it that much. Here it is, and Stallone, if you want to listen to it. I urge you. If you like it you should buy it too, support the lads wha?

Daggermouth - Turf Wars
Daggermouth - Stallone

Another Moan.

2009-05-13T11:10:00.002+01:00

Whatever.

A lot of women think that to get a nice boyfriend they have to look good, and society puts pressure on all women to look good.

Well now men have a similar problem. Women want us to look like women.

It's the only possible explanation I can think of for lads like these being so popular:

What the fuck? The hair is one thing, but WHAT THE FUCK IS HE WEARING A HAIR BAND FOR. AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
Am I mental? I know you shouldn't judge people by how they look. But in my experience, most people who I've met and looked like that were fucking dopes.

They're almost as bad (but just a little bit more bearable) than these fucks:

Bands I Like and Think You Should Like Too: Say Anything

2009-05-12T13:34:00.002+01:00

I'm gonna do things like this from now on. I'm not arsed updating this with lame, uninteresting stories from my mediocre life.

So.

SAY ANYTHING
Rock/Pop

I only started listening to this band at the start of April and I already think they're one of my favourite bands of all time. It's a nice departure from the boring rock bands and the overly poppy pop-punk bands of today. The riffs rule, the vocals are so catchy and uplifting and the lyrics are clever and funny. The first song of theirs I heard was Alive With The Glory Of Love. It's got a simple and very danceable rock riff and it's definitely an awesome party song. It's so much fun to sing along with in that the melody is catchy and it's not hard to sing and the lyrics are instantly memorable.

The harmonies there are just amazing. Every single bit of vocals in that song is just perfect and gorgeous. One thing I love about this band (although it's not present in that song) is how they use 'Bops' as a background vocal.

There are some class examples in that song, starting at around 0:48 (best listened to with headphones).

Both those songs are from the album '...Is A Real Boy'. I haven't totally strayed from it yet but I've found a couple of awesome songs from other records.

That's from the album 'In Defense Of The Genre'. That was the only video I found that wasn't live. Ugh. Why do people make these kind of videos? Lame. In Defense Of The Genre has 27 songs on it so it's hard to get totally into it but it has some gems.

There's a better version of that song but I couldn't find it. It's such a great song though.

I sound like a 15 year old here, I think. Fuck. Maybe I'll get better at writing these things and not look like a total fucking mongo fanboy. Anyway, get into Say Anything and we'll be best friends.

If I could swim, I'd swim out to you in the ocean.

2009-05-02T10:50:00.003+01:00

The weather in London right now is incredible. It's so hot, but not humid at all. The sky is clear blue and it makes me really relaxed. I'm going to Will's house today where the weather will probably even nicer. I'm gonna try to get some work done. I have some writing to do, drafts of stories to go over and then two cunt essays to get out of the way.

I'm really going to miss England in the summer, I think. I feel settled here now. I still think I could stand to make a few more friends; the other night I went to Shook Ones and I knew pretty much one person there and he was with his mates as well, so I was kind of on my own. If I start going to more gigs and make my face known I'll hopefully end up chatting to people and shit. Jesse Michael's from Operation Ivy's new band are playing here next week and I can't wait. Operation Ivy are too good and one of the first bands that inspired me to be in a band, and I'm sure it's the same for a lot of people. I hope I get to meet him or at least shake his hand, it'd be so fucking cool.
Ireland in the summer will be okay I guess. I'm happy that I'll be with my own friends again but not happy at all that I have to live with my dad. He is the most impossible person in the world to live with and my old house is fucking disgusting. My brother and his girlfriend are stuck living there and I'm pretty sure they're kinda depressed right now. I really need to find out about my job though. That dopey new manager in Malahide still hasn't got onto me about it. Sap.

I'll make the most of the last month here. First year has fucking flown in. I can't believe it's May.

Ex-girlfriends

2009-04-28T12:03:00.002+01:00

I keep dreaming about them. Well, the only two that were ever really anything real. Some dreams I like and others I wish I could forget. One I had last night was pretty cool. My ex was having sex with one of my friends but it turned out he was bad at it, and so she came to me. Haha, ridiculous. I don't know what that means.

I think I could be having these dreams because I don't really have any proper interests in women at the moment. There was at least two girls that I thought I might get somewhere with either one of them, but I doubt that'll happen now. Meh. It feels strange not having anyone to think about. It's been a few years since this has happened. I'm usually infatuated with someone. A lot of the time I fall back into old habits and pine after an ex-girlfriend, so maybe that's where these dreams come from. My ex isn't around so my mind is making her nearer to me. Weird.

Samuel Beckett fucking rules.

2009-04-25T22:20:00.002+01:00

'Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not everyday that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were adressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for once the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us!'

OMG

FUCK MY LIFE

2009-04-19T22:25:00.003+01:00

I'm missing Propagandhi. They're playing about forty minutes from me, RIGHT NOW. And I'm sitting at home typing this shit. For fuck's sake. I didn't go because of the stupidest fucking reasons. The only money I have is still in fucking euros and I couldn't get it changed. My ma gave me fifty pounds in exchange for fifty euro last night and I fucking spent it all. 10 pound credit, 8 pound into Nightmare Of You, 3 pound for a pint there, 10 pound for a NOY t-shirt and 5 pound for an ep. Then my friends took me to a gay club (...), 5 pound into that and then 5 pound for a pint and some drink for a friend. I could have done without the merch and the club, and I'd be going to Propagandhi tonight. But no. Why not just ask my mother for another exchange? Because either she wouldn't give it to me to teach me a lesson or she wouldn't have cash on her anyway. Ugh. Fuck it. I'll just have to wait another two (three, four, five) years until Propagandhi tour again. But they'll probably break up by then. Annnnnoooooyyyeeeeddddd.

Also I'm pissed off because of ladies. Damn bitches, man. There are two interests, and I have realised that I definitely can't go for one and there's probably no point going for the other at this moment. All to do with me moving home for the summer. Lame.

Although on a lighter note I think I'll be back in Malahide for work. There's a girl who comes into there (still, I hope) who's cute and likes me I think. I'll go for that.

Alcohol and Weed...

2009-04-18T12:46:00.004+01:00

...are two things that I usually have fun with. But on Monday night I got really drunk a smoked a little bit, and apparently went on to the internet, trying to leave subtle messages to a girl, hinting that I like her. I don't even remember being near a computer and as far as I can recall, there wasn't one handy where I was. So I've no idea how I did it. Also, apparently I said that I was going to go to bed at nine pm that night (I don't remember saying that, I went to bed at one am) and I watched one of my cousins mates as he stripped naked and ran into my other cousins room and sprayed sparkling water everywhere, celebration style. I definitely don't remember that.

But I remember lots of other things from that night. That's what scares me. I have no idea when these things fit in with the others. So I'm laying off booze and weed for a while. I'm too afraid of doing something ridiculously stupid. I wouldn't put it passed my drunken self to ring up this girl I mentioned earlier and tell her that I love her.

I am. The Idiot.

NAME

2009-04-16T20:15:00.002+01:00

Why am I seeing her fucking name everywhere?? This sucks so much. Agghhh. I can't be with her. I am being constantly reminded of this.

Green Day's breakdown.

2009-04-15T21:44:00.002+01:00

I heard the leaked demo for the song 21st Century Breakdown sometime a month or two ago, and deleted it straight after I listened because it is single-handedly the worst Green Day song I've ever heard. I listened to it again today just to see if maybe I'd warm to it, but no, again I was sorely disappointed. I don't know what the fuck they're playing at. American Idiot was definitely different to their earlier stuff, but I actually really enjoyed most of it. I had heard the inevitable rumours that they were 'returning to their old sound' for the forthcoming album (which happens with every band) and I was really hoping it was true, because Green Day were the second band I ever loved, after blink-182. Nimrod is still one of my favourite albums and to me it's their best.
But this song just doesn't sound like them at all. It sounds like a mash up of American Idiot (it even has some of the same progressions) and Queen. I have no interest in Queen and I'd rather not listen to them, so to hear one of the first bands I liked digress (some fanboys are saying 'evolve'. Bullshit.) to this kind of sound is depressing. Why do good bands always give in to the pressures of popularity? It's times like this that I'm kinda glad that some of the best bands had only one or two albums, before they could have a chance to turn shit. Operation Ivy come to mind. My favourite band Daggermouth only have two albums and I'm kinda 50/50 on whether I want them to release a third, fearing it could be bad. It's why I'm also not sure about blink-182's reunion. I'm not that hopeful.

Bands should realise that they have Best Before dates. I cannot think of one band who has released more than three or at a push, four decent albums. But that's just me.

Green Day will never returned to their previous, better sound, so they just give up the fucking ghost.

Music: Good VS Bad Part II

2009-04-12T13:46:00.002+01:00

Wow, just looking over that post there, I realised how much of a dick I can be sometimes. To my friends who read that and were offended, I'm sorry! I didn't mean any offense or anything. It sounded like I was giving out about my friends which I shouldn't have done. It was just a rant about bands I don't like. I hope none of you took it personally.

If you could forgive me for being so brash, you could hit me or whip me, I'd savour each lash.

Ha, ha, ha. Show me what you got.

2009-04-11T20:25:00.003+01:00

I just got home from a week at...home. Weird.
It was a decent week anyway. I got way too high. Highlights were:
- Rubes finally writing a third song
- Nearly kissing a girl, but leaving the party we were at instead
- Watching Thalidomides practice
- Hanging out with my best friends.

No scandal apart from nearly kissing that girl. It was so mad, haha. There's no point going into it, it's not a worthy story. The shittest buzz ever was everything closing at midnight on Thursday night. Fucking bullshit. I couldn't care less that the protagonist of the best selling fiction ever supposedly died on 'Good' Friday. Why does that mean that offos and banks and stuff should close? Fuck all happens on Bloomsday except for some people retracing steps. That's way better.

I'm not feeling the blogging buzz right now. Meh.

Laterz.

Music: Good VS Bad

2009-04-03T00:54:00.002+01:00

It's weird how music can bring some people so close together, and at the same time act as an impenetrable wall that divides others. At most parties I go to with my friends from around my home town, the music of choice for the majority of people there is Indie/Dance/Something I couldn't care less about.
Me and my best friends mostly like hardcore and other 'heavy' bands. We love to commandeer the stereo and put on 'heavy' bands and piss off everyone, because we have to sit there and put up with their bullshit fucking music. They give out to us of course, without realising they have very little consideration for people who don't actually like the fucking Strokes, or some other shitty popular band. Like it's cool if you wanna listen to it and have a dance and stuff, but having that shit on all night is just headwrecking. It's the one thing I hate about going to parties around my area, which sucks because I love all my friends. It's hard to enjoy myself if the music is terrible.

So it's good when you find a medium. Common ground. But those grounds are few and far between. In fact I think there's only been two bands that all of my friends have liked: Weezer and Cursive. And only a few people from the 'easy' listening side like Cursive.

I'm sorry to sound like a ranting sap, but I just don't get how people enjoy indie music so much. It is without a doubt the most boring, repetitive and banal music out there (maybe another contestant for that title is Drum N' Bass. Don't get me fucking started). There's just nothing going on. I cannot connect with that music on an emotional level. And that's the reason I love music.
I love hardcore because it's the perfect music to be angry with. It makes me feel so good if I'm ever angry. It's how you release pent up energy and emotion. I just can't do that with Indie. There's no release. I'd wait for something big and bold to kick in, but nothing.
Of course, anger isn't the only emotion that music brings out in me. Pop punky bands bring out happy, summery, cloudy pillowy marshmallowy cuddly feelings.
And don't get me wrong. Punk based music isn't all I listen to. I love Sigur Rós. I connect with that.
Recently I've also gotten into Nightmare Of You (a new-wave, pop indie band) and Bon Iver (acoustic, slow, sad-but-nice kinda stuff) and I really love listening to both.

But when it comes to the chart topping SHIT like Kings Of Leon, I just feel like getting sick. Ugh. Worst band.

So basically, hardcore good, indie bad.

Just Being Friends.

2009-04-01T02:48:00.000+01:00

I'm fucking doomed.

'I don't like them, but they're good at what they do'.

2009-03-30T11:07:00.002+01:00

Surely if you don't like them then you don't think they're good? If you think what they do is good then you like them. Stop pussyfooting around calling a band shit. It's just one of those things people say that don't really make much sense, but for some reason a shit load of people say it.

I'm listening to Leftover Crack for the first time in a year or two. I used to love them, and I really don't understand how haha. The music is alright but it's nothing amazing. The singing sucks and the lyrics are ridiculous. It sounds like when a 15 year old tries to write a political song. Take this gem for instance, from One Dead Cop:

One dead cop
No more donut shop
More dead cops
Might make the hurting stop
Kill cops [7x]

I never took such pleasure in a death
A hatred born of freedom’s dying breath
The police kill and then they lie some more
In a conspiracy to cage the poor.

Anytime I hear the word conspiracy used in a serious context, I cringe. Yeah, the cops definitely want to put all the poor in prison, like. You fucking moron.

I think when it comes to political lyrics, I've never found anyone better or even anywhere near as good as Chris Hannah. That lad is too intelligent. For comparison, check out Resisting Tyrannical Government:

Why don't we all strap bombs to our chests and ride our bikes to the next G-7 picnic?
It seems easier with every clock tick.
But whose will would that represent?
Mine? Yours? The rank-and-file's?
Or better yet: the Government's?
But I don't want to catalyze or synthesize the second Final Solution.
I don't want to be the Steve Smith of the Revolution.
Do you see the analogy?
We're the Oilers. The World Bank- the Flames!
And just 2 minutes remain in the 7th game of the best of 7 series!
Yeah, Jesus saves! Gretzky scores! The workers slave.
The rich get more. One wrong move and we risk the cup.
So play The Man, not the puck.
Why don't we plant a mechanic virus and erase the memory of the machines
that maintain this capitalist dynasty?
And yes, I recognize the irony that the very system I oppose affords me the luxury
of biting the hand that feeds.
But that's exactly why priviledged fucks like me should feel obliged to whine and kick and scream - until everyone has everything they need.

Those last two lines are pure genius. Amazing. I'd like to see that drug ridden dope from Leftover Crack write something of that caliber.

That's all I wanted to say.

How does it feel?

2009-03-29T18:16:00.003+01:00

Pretty busy weekend, in terms of hanging the fuck out. I went down to Will's on Friday night, for this charity gig on at the pub Will works at. The bands were pretty sucky, boring indie rock and such, although the last band was a ska/reggae band which was pretty cool. The pub was fucking packed. This pub is small enough like, and I'd never ever seen it so full. It was well over capacity but the idiot fucking doorman kept letting people in, even after the manager telling him not to. Dope. I was hanging out with this girl Jo, who I'd kissed back in January. We were chatting away and I was trying to be interesting but I was the most boring fucking dope ever. I have no problem talking to girls that I'm not trying to kiss but I turn into a quiet little sap around girls I like. Plus it was loud and we couldn't really hear each other properly haha. It wasn't going that well but to make it even worse, some lad cut in and started chatting her up. So annoyed. He was mad tall and buff and handsome and everything I hate in lads. He had no problem talking to her and making her laugh, and I sat there with my head in my pint. Arse.
Then later her brother had been hopped on by some scum and ended up in hospital so she had to leg it. So I don't think that's going anywhere fast.
We ended up having a lock in at the pub until fuck knows when. The chats were had, met some new cool people, had a load of crisps and watched some lad do coke off one of the tables. It was the first time I've ever actually see someone do that and it was pretty weird.
On the way home, Will, Nats and I stopped off at a kids playground and had drunken fun. Will fell off a roundabout thing and hurt his foot, hahaha. So funny.

Then last night we went to another gig. It was an all ager which was pretty cool. Will's mate Briggie's band A Stranger In Moscow played. They're alright, I'm not mad into the music but they were really tight anyway. Briggie is the fucking lad. What a hero. Hilarious guy.
The amount of underage girls was unreal. I feel fucking filthy.

After the gig we went back to the pub for a while and then back to Will's where we got ridiculously baked. Laughing at those Frank ads. Briggie was like 'I just wouldn't open the door' and I couldn't stop laughing. Best fun I've had in a while.

Some serious disappointment the other night though. There'll always be one girl to complain about.

Uni-cycle

2009-03-25T19:56:00.003Z

I have so much work to do for this one module to be handed in on Friday, and I literally have none of it done. Well, that's not entirely true; out of 5 exercises to be handed in, I have an eighth of the first one done. Swell. The most annoying fucking thing about this is that it's just a draft portfolio. Which means that even though I have to hand this work in to be marked, the mark DOESN'T go towards my end-of-year mark. It's just to let my lecturer know how we're getting on. I'm kind of contemplating just not doing it. But I'm not totally sure what the repercussions are. The lecturer kind of seems like a fucking bitch.

HOLY SHIT I NEED TO PISS AND I ALREADY PISSED JUST FIVE MINUTES AGO. Back in a sec.

...

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I might need to piss so much because I drank loads of water today. Ever since my ma got Wii Fit I've been exercising much more. I haven't started to feel or see any benefits yet but I'm determined to keep going anyway, just because I want to have a fucking killer bod.

Our lecture in Creative Writing today was pretty awesome, the lecturer was talking about his own book. I've got about a quarter way through it, and to be honest I'm not completely enjoying it, but the way he talked about it and how he came to write it made it sound so awesome. I might do one of my critical pieces on it.

I'll be back in Dublin soon. I can't waaaaaaaaait. Fun times will be had.

Staying Home

2009-03-18T00:34:00.002Z

The Lion King ruled but now I'm at home. My ma wouldn't give me money to go out and gave me the 'I'd really prefer it if you stayed in tonight' speech with a worried look on her face. I seriously have to get a job and move out.

But now, because of the paranoid asshole that I am, all sorts of things are running through my head. Tonight was gonna be the night when I made a move. Or at least would have tried. Now what if because I'm not there she ends up kissing some other dude and my chance is gone...I worry so much about this stuff.

We went through Kentish Town tonight on the way home, and funnily enough right down the road where Lucy, the girl I was seeing before Xmas, lives. It was weird. I kept looking around, hoping I'd see her, but I don't know what I'd have done f I did. Rejection is fucking horrible and it clings to me like a stubborn piece of shit that won't drop off your arse. If I was alone and ran into her, that would have been a different story. I'd tell her that she had no idea how much I liked her and how much it hurt when she fed me that bullshit story. I'd have wanted to make her feel terrible, because I felt terrible and I'm horribly spiteful like that. Although I do feel that empathy should play a huge part in life. If someone makes you feel bad, then they should feel bad. I certainly felt bad after breaking up with Isabel. How much more compassionate would the world be if everyone had a little empathy.

But anyway, that ship sailed long ago. And I hope it fucking sinks.

Ah there's Paddy. What's happening?

2009-03-17T08:56:00.002Z

I can't really remember Paddy's day last year, except that I was in work. We were giving away free shots of Irish Creme syrup, and not one person took one because it's fucking disgusting. I actually felt sorry for the syrup. I have to stop personifying food stuff. I wonder if they'll do the same this year. I might get a Shamrock Shake from McDick's for old times sake, in honour of my sweet Nana. She was awesome and always got us Shamrock Shakes. I'm meant to be making my way to college for an hours seminar on Foundations in Poetry and Drama, but I'm not shifting. I feel I deserve this day off, even though I've taken a ridiculous amount of time off this semester alone. We're studying Oedipus the King at the moment and the story actually rules. Except last week a tutor called Heidi fucking ruined the entire story on everyone by telling us exactly what happens. Some people love her but I don't like her. She's really up her own hole, and she assumes we're all familiar with all this high brow literature and political philosophies and looks at us like we can't wipe our own arses when we say we're not. She's a young enough and at a push I'd say she's quite attractive but she's such a cunt sometimes. She also tries to get in with the young crowd by telling us all about her days when she took ketamine and did coke. Get fucked you junkie fucking bitch.

Ugh. Rant over. Except I could go on about it at length because it really gets my goat. Haha, that phrase rules.

I've actually started using MySpace a good bit again after about two years of barely using it at all. I've mostly been talking to one new awesome friend on it (at great length haha) but Heron and Sos leave the odd comment as well which rules. I miss my friends. I can't wait to go home again.

I'm going to see the Lion King musical with my family tonight...I'm looking forward to it actually. Lion King was a classic kids movie and I'm sure the musical rules. I'll probably go out to Kingston afterwards and meet up with friends. Apparently everyone is pub crawling, but I have about 15 quid in the bank which there's no point touching. I'll have to beg my ma for drink money. I realised that I actually about 600 euro in my post office bank account at home. I'm wondering should I transfer it to my brit account or have it as a little nest egg. Rainy day money. I wonder if anyone has taken that seriously and spent their savings on a rain day expecting to get mad deals. Or bought a nest and eggs. There's a little story right there that I could use.

Well I guess I should use this day productively. I need to get reading and a lot of other work done before next week. Bleeeeeeeeeh.

Go on Patrick.

Life: An Update.

2009-03-14T00:45:00.002Z

Another obligatory blog entry. I like how that sentence sounds. Well, even though I said I'd keep on top of the work, I'm constantly going to start tomorrow. Yes, today will be the last day that I am lazy and I will begin working harder tomorrow. Ad infinitum. I am incapable of working hard unless there is an immediate result. I am very inpatient I guess. If you have a job, you have to come to work because if you don't you'll get fired and won't get money. With college, if you don't go in you have yourself to answer to. And I'm not afriad of myself. I can be very lenient. Fair. Forgiving.

I've come to the conclusion that I am so lovesick that I'm willing to fall in love with the first girl I'm attracted to. But I am now surrounded by so many new and pretty girls that I'm falling in love every day. Obviously not in love. But I feel like I have a crush on everyone.

There is one, though. Haha, and not the one I mentioned a few blogs ago. I haven't even talked to her since then. Anyway. She's great. Really great. Smashing. Capital. I would seriously love for something to happen. Hmmm.

I'm going home again in early April. Hopefully this time Rubes might actually get a recording done. I'm so fucking desperate to get it going. We can record something in April, get some hype going and then play a show when I'm home next and record something properly. Fucking gagging to play a gig again.

Anyway I'm tired. And I'm sure you're all tired of reading this. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Love you.

Taken

2009-03-08T22:23:00.002Z

Late pass I know, but HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT A FILM. It actually does not get much better than Liam Neeson killing the fucking shit out of every cunt in his way. Oh Fuck. I had the biggest smile on my face the whole way through. I have a new found respect for Liamo. Holy shit.

What is wrong with the world?

2009-03-07T14:07:00.000Z

I don't know what to do anymore. I really just don't know.

Last FM

2009-03-06T20:19:00.001Z

---->

There's my Top Artists for the last week. Douglas Adams is there because I've been listening to the Audiobook of Hitchhiker's Guide. So he doesn't really count. LastFM rules though. Everyone should get into it.

'The Fear'

2009-03-05T19:47:00.004Z

This phrase is bandied about by English people for some strange reason. Apparently it's a feeling of anxiety you get during a hangover. I've never got this before and I haven't a clue what they're talking about. I first heard about it from Lucy, and every time she said she had I felt like smacking her. It's one of those stupid phrases that really gets on my tits. The 'fear'. What the fuck are you even talking about?
It's also the name of Lily Allen's latest single. I don't know or care if it's about that anxious hangover feeling (and the lyrics suggest completely otherwise) but I actually like that song. For a pop song, it's really dark. I like Lily Allen. Her music's alright and she's delish, in a junkie sort of way.

I fell in love again today. There are too many pretty girls in Kingston. But this one is smart as well and she made me laugh loudly. Except I don't know her name.

A few funny/stupid things have happened this week so far. On Wednesday, during our Writer's On Writing lecture, our lecturer was telling us about how novelists have to imagine most things instead of experiencing them, and for some odd reason the example he chose was a rape scene. I laughed so, so hard when he said 'You'd have to sit down at your desk and just say to yourself "Ok, I'm going to imagine a terrible rape this morning"'. Hahahahaha. Amazing.

I ordered the remaining books I need for this semester from Amazon the other day and they were meant to come on Tuesday but didn't. Then yesterday, me and Tom decided to get some pizza from Dominos. It was cheaper if we ordered it for collection, and wouldn't you know it, the books came while we were out. We were probably gone for about 10 minutes. I came home to a note saying that the package was too big for the letterbox, and I could pick them up in 48 hours from the post office. So fucking lame. At least I get them tomorrow and don't have to pay for anymore books. Got them mad cheap too.

No plans for the weekend, again. I have to get a job.

Hometown Hotties

2009-03-03T23:58:00.003Z

I hate those 'Want a Girlfriend?' ads on Facebook. The girls in the ads are incredible looking, but there's no chance that
a)they represent the kind of girls that actually use those websites, but even if they do
b)I would never use those websites to get a girlfriend anyway

I'd like to think I'm confident enough to get my own girlfriends. Those ads are so fucking annoying though. They're just a horrible reminder that I'm single.

BOO HOO YOU FUCKING CRY BABY. SHUT UP AND DEAL WITH IT.

Yeah, I think I will. Thanks for the advice.

Reading. Reading books.

2009-03-03T12:22:00.002Z

For the past few nights I've been falling asleep listening to Stephen Fry read out The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy. It's an awesome book, and listening to him read it out makes it even better. He does all the voices so well and everything, it's like being a kid again listening to someone read it to you. When I start drifitng off though it gets really annoying, like I keep waking up to him saying something weird and I've missed loads of the story so I have to turn it off but then I can't get back to sleep.
I started reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini as well. I'm about 6 chapters in and it's pretty good. The Kite Runner was awesome I thought, and I watched the film the other day which wasn't as good but at least now I can properly picture Afghanistan in the seventies. It's weird thinking that it was almost the same as loads of European countries at the time, a lot like Ireland actually. It had just started to become a proper developed country. Then the Russians came in and fucked things up, then the Taliban came along and made it even worse. It sucks really.
I'm waiting on a shit load of books to come from Amazon for college. The only one that I was really interested in reading, The Portable Graham Greene, wasn't fucking available. So annoyed. He's a class writer, really intelligent and funny.
I'm still halfway through The Liar by Stephen Fry. I always tend to leave books halfway through for a while and then come back later on. I don't know why, I should really read it all at once.

Ah sure bollocks.

'It seems his train of thought is still at the station'

2009-03-02T15:13:00.003Z

It's weird how the mind works, or, it's scary how short my attention span is.
I went to log in to LiveJournal for the lolz, just because I use to have a blog there years ago and I wanted to see how much shit I actually talked. Then when it wouldn't let me access it, I remembered that I had actually deleted it. But before I remembered that, I clicked the 'Forgot my password' link and it brought me to a new page with a Captcha. Above the captcha it said 'You need to prove that you are a human'. What a ridiculous thought. Obviously I know that it's used to stop bots from entering websites, but it sounded mad. Prove that I'm human? I've never had to prove that I'm human before. Other than using Captchas, which is a very silly way to prove to someone that I'm human. I bet pretty soon there will be robots with character recognition who have the ability to type as well, and Captchas will be rendered useless. We'll then need to give them retina scans or fingerprint scans (I think some Laptops now even have a fingerprint scanner installed as a lock system) and all sorts. The point is that when I saw the message 'You need to prove that you are a human', it gave me the idea to write what I've just written above. I wanted to have a screen capture of the message, but I'm not that great with computers and wasn't really sure how to do it properly. I tried copying and pasting the webpage into Photoshop, but Photoshop won't let you (or at least it wouldn't let me) paste images into it. I decided to give up on the idea, and then my train of thought ran right away, and I thought to myself 'Hmm, I think might try to draw some clouds in Photoshop'. Don't ask, because I don't know where or why I got the idea. But all of a sudden it became a very attractive though. Keeping with the theme of my uselessness with computers and by association most programs on computers (in this case Photoshop), I decided to look up a tutorial of how to do it on the internet. I found one, but it used an older version of Photoshop than the one I had and so was no use. I tried a video, but that proved just as useless. I tried a third and it didn't explain anything very well at all, so then I gave up on that idea as well. I closed Photoshop and then just went on Moshspace or something.

I really don't know why these things happen - and they happen all too often - but it's such a waste of time and effort. Why the fuck would anyone without good reason want to draw clouds in Photoshop? I should have been reading books for Uni or cleaning my overly filthy room or letting my dog out for a piss which at the time she desperately needed. Why do I waste my time like this? I really fucking hate myself sometimes. Well, not really hate, but I would not like to be friends with me. I'm so fucking dull and thick. Uuuugggghhh.

New Noise

2009-03-01T19:54:00.002Z

I had been meaning to go to New Noise ever since I moved over here, but I could never really find anyone to go with. Then finally last week, a few of my Uni friends decided to go and so me, Tom and Claire went along too. I had the best time! It's actually such a great feeling being in a club atmosphere when they're playing songs that I actually know and love! Half the time it was emo and even indie bollocks (which kind of annoyed me, because there's another club the same guys run which is only indie stuff) but they played Comeback Kid, Refused, Broadway Calls, BTMI!, NFG and loads others too. Click the picture to see the list. I meant to ask them to play Daggermouth too but I forgot, I was so annoyed afterwards haha. I made a couple new friends too which is always awesome. There were so many delish girls, it was incredible.

There's me going mental during either Wake The Dead or New Noise itself. I lost my fucking mind. It was class night except that Tom's jacket was taken. Bummer.

I need a serious haircut.

AIN'T NO PARTY

2009-02-28T21:55:00.001Z

I just ordered this:

Excited.

Telling Lies.

2009-02-19T22:06:00.002Z

So I'm back into the swing of things with Uni and such. Still no job. Still left without a girlfriend. Damn it, one of my favourite songs is hard to listen to because it's depressing me. I still want to listen to it though.
I got half of my results back so far, 2.1s all round, wahey. I need to start writing more, and not this blog. Writing stories. I really like doing it yet I never do it enough. I started on an idea I had for a story ages ago and never kept going with it.

I was hanging out with my cousin last week, and I asked her about her friend that I kissed a while back. I said that I liked her, but apparently she wouldn't really say much to my cousin. Embarrassed, maybe. But anyway she said she'd try to sort something out, whatever that means. I was lurking her Facebook a bit (don't judge me, you cunts) and she's actually one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen. I seriously want to link her profile because everyone needs to see how pretty she is, but that would be fucked up. I hope I see her again.

Ya know what I don't get? The deal with Latterman. Don't get me wrong, I like them and all, but I don't understand how some people see them as like, the most amazingly perfect punk rock band that ever existed. Sometimes they can be a little dull. I dunno. There are so many other amazing bands. Fireworks, for example. Incredible stuff. And indeed Daggermouth.
Also a lot of the bands associated with them are super dull as well. Shorebirds are not that great.
Different strokes, I guess.

Later, dweebs.

Valentine's Shmalentine's

2009-02-14T16:02:00.002Z

As regular readers of this excuse for a blog will know, I fucking hate being single. So I reeeeeeeeeally hate Valentine's day when I'm single. Especially when a month ago I thought I might be spending it with someone. Mehhhhhhh.
I'm going out tonight, and I'm gonna get fucked up and kiss everyone.

Photoshop

2009-02-09T21:12:00.003Z

Is awesome. I love taking pictures and doing mad stuff with them. Check this bad boy out:

That's a panoramic view of my kitchen that I made blendind 13 images together. I rule.

You Don't Win Friends With Salad

2009-02-06T20:36:00.002Z

I recently starting eating meat again after two years of being a vegetarian. I started again because I couldn't really remember why I stopped in the first place. I was never very militant about it, like I wouldn't go to animal rights protests or give out to people for eating meat. I did feel that it was immoral to eat meat though. Propagandhi put it best when they said 'Life's too short to make others shorter'. It's a nice idea.
But I can see good arguments from both sides of the butcher's blade. Ok, an animals life has been ended for our sustenance, but if that doesn't bother you then don't force yourself to be bothered just because your favourite bands don't agree with it. I think that's what I did. A lot of the people that I know are vegetarian/vegans and a lot of it had to do with their influence, and it's interesting to note that since I haven't been around them much at all since moving to London I've started eating meat again.
Maybe I'm just too easily swayed. Another nice idea (albeit one from a complete nutcase) was that the problem with most people eating meat is that they don't understand what is called 'the predator/prey relationship'. You should be thankful towards the animal you are eating because it's life has ended just so you can have a fuckin Big Mac, and not take it for granted.
It's all very complicated when you think about it. And when you do think about it, there are all sorts of reasons why you should or shouldn't eat meat, but I don't agree with that 'should/shouldn't'. No one can tell me what I should or should not do. You can give your reasons why you do or don't do something but please don't believe that everone should follow suit.

At the end of the day, just do what makes you happy. Don't feel pressured into feeling guilty because of what you eat. If it doesn't bother you then that's fine and no one can give out to you for it.

/preach

Time To Get Posi

2009-02-06T20:12:00.002Z

And not in a silly Disko Traitor way. Plan for the next month is to get a job, hang out with my new friends more and just try to keep my head above the water. I have to stop letting myself get so down all the time over stupid things that won't have any sort of influence over me in a few weeks time. So me and Lucy didn't work out. Who cares? There's 8 million people in London, and that's a lot of fresh fish. I'm gonna be a fuckin grizzly and just yank the fuckers right out of the water. Lock up your underage daughters.

Fame

2009-02-01T21:09:00.002Z

I've have always thought that being famous would fucking rule. Especially I'd love to be famous in the UK. There's something about fame and the UK that I've always loved. It's probably just some superficial media driven image that being famous in a city like London is the best thing ever, but I really would love it. It might have something to do with my insecurity; I feel unappreciated a lot.
I hate to sound really shallow but the idea of people I don't know thinking I'm cool really appeals to me. Unfortunately the only ways to get famous in music these days is to play shitty mainstream indie bollocks. I don't think melodic hardcore is going to get me invited to VIP parties, but I'd never give it up.
Other than there's movies or TV or something, and I wouldn't mind that at all. I'd say it's impossible to get into though.

Nick Swardson

2009-02-01T12:01:00.003Z

Get this album. I'm laughing so hard.

Thank Fuck For February

2009-02-01T10:30:00.001Z

I officially hate January. I'm glad to see the despicable arse of it.

I need a rebound. Fuck.

Cutting My Losses

2009-01-29T23:26:00.002Z

Oh well.

I am upset but I am not going to feel sorry for myself. What I would give to be with her...but fuck it. It's not happening. Not now. I'm not gonna try to move on to someone else because I don't feel like it right now, but I will as soon as I'm up for it. I seriously hate being single. It's the worst thing ever.

Blah blah blah problems self imposed blah blah blah problems self imposed.

Lars and the Real Girl

2009-01-29T00:30:00.001Z

Watch it.

Depression Is No Fun

2009-01-25T21:55:00.002Z

I've been feeling really down lately. Mainly because I'm not doing anything, I really miss Lucy and I really really miss my friends. What I wouldn't give to be drinking Mixed Fruit Kopparberg with Sos in Fibbers listening to him shouting ''MEEEEEETTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL', and then having the chats with everyone. I'm seriously lolling thinking of that!

I've been meaning to look for a job. I've printed out 20 CVs but I've just been too lazy to go out and do it. I keep waking up really late aswell, like at two or three every day, and I look like an absolute lowlife when I sleep too late so no one would hire me. I set alarms for nine and everything, but I just get little to no sleep at night lately so I sleep right through it. I have to do it tomorrow though. My ma will kill me otherwise. I need to move out too. I'm gonna wait until I have closer friends though and get a gaf with them and it'll be gas.

I'm finally seeing Lucy on Wednesday. It has actually taken this long for me to see her. I keep getting these horrible fears like she's already seeing someone else or something. I've even been trying to think of who she might be with, which is fucking silly and I feel like a dick. I get so obsessed with girls, it's not funny. I'd love to be a Pussy King but it's not gonna happen.

The title of this blog is a Bomb The Music Industry reference by the way, I'm not actually depressed haha. I watched Stephen Fry's documentary on Bipolar disorder the other day, it was great. And depressing, hah. I hate my ego. I started wishing the other day that I was clinically depressed so more people would care about me. Sometimes I wish I was in hospital or really sick or something, just so people would pay more attention. It's stupid and selfish but a lot of the time I can't help but feel like I'm just someone in the background who makes no difference to anyone's life. I've never been the most popular person who can make everyone laugh. I'm seriously insecure and I hate it. Whenever I see a guy who is obviously good looking I get so jealous, and if I have a girlfriend at the time I feel scared that she might see him too and think he's better looking than me. Ugh.

I need many hugs.

Thank You

2009-01-20T03:37:00.002Z

To the awesome people who read this. I know I shite on about girls far too much to be a really interesting or funny blog, so it's class to know that people read this. I know there's not many of you but it really is great. I try to keep up with blogs and it is hard, so thanks :)

I'll try to be more entertaining and funny in the future. Less talk of girls. Unless it's about seeing girls naked, which is awesome and something I did the other night. Go me.

FFS

2009-01-19T21:10:00.000Z

She's sick and can't meet up, UGH.
Why do I put myself through this shit.

I should have got that girls number.

Tomorrow

2009-01-18T21:31:00.002Z

Looms over me like an exam. I'm gonna say everything I should have said on Thursday and just see what happens. I'm fairly confident it's not gonna work out though.

I fooled around with one of my cousin's hot friends last night. Hahaha.

Isn't it sweet?

2009-01-15T23:15:00.002Z

Backstory (for anyone reading this for the first time): I was seeing a girl, Lucy, for a couple of months. I was getting really into her but then before I had a chance to properly ask her out, she says that I live too far away and she'll be so busy with college and work that she won't have time for a relationship. I was upset for a number of weeks and then she stopped talking to me altogether. I was confused and jilted, but decided that I wanted to get to the bottom of it and tell her how I really felt. I didn't bother asking her to meet up, I knew she wouldn't reply (she did reply once, and said her phone wasn't working properly, but I think it was an excuse). I also knew where she worked on a Thursday night; a club called On Anon. She does face painting (for pill heads I'm sure it's a riot) so I knew she wouldn't be too busy to talk or anything. I decided to go.

I woke up this morning undecided. Maybe she wasn't the right girl for me. We didn't have loads in common. But I also remembered that we had so much fun together. I had never felt this way about a girl, ever. Still, I wasn't sure.
I remained feeling this way all day long. I did nothing but stay on the internet and read all day. Evening came, and I decided I would go anyway. I showered and tried to make myself look the business. I wore a shirt, and I even used hair gel. I never use hair gel. I wanted to make the best of impressions.
I left the house, quite sure of what I was going to say. I had written a story in my mind of what the scene would be like.
He approaches the table she's sitting at with an innocent smile on his face. She notices him and gasps.
'Chris, what are you doing here?' she asks.
'I came to see you.' he says.
'Are you here by yourself?'
'Yep. Look, the last time we talked, I lied a little bit.' he said.
'What do you mean?' she was taken by surprise but was a little touched that he had come all by himself. She also noticed that he looked the business.
'When I said that I didn't want a relationship because of the break up I went through during the summer. I was really about to ask you out, but I didn't bother after you said that about me living too far away. The truth is, I've never liked anyone as much as I like you. I'm falling for you'.
'Oh Chris, I was just waiting for you to say that! I wanted to know that you really liked me, and didn't just want to sleep with me! I'm ever so happy!'

And it was going to happen that way.

I arrived at the club at half nine. I went up to the floor where they have the facepainting, and noticed that Lucy was not where I thought she'd be. I wasn't totally sure what time she started at, but I knew she finished at twelve and so to be here by at least nine. I thought that maybe she was on a break. I ordered a pint for courage and sat alone for twenty-five minutes, drinking my beer and dividing time between my phone and the drinks menu. After that I got up and brought my empty glass to the bar, and asked where the facepainting usually takes place. The bargirl pointed me towards exactly where I thought she'd be. I surmised that she wasn't going to be there.
I left the club and headed towards the tube station. Before going underground and losing signal, I thought I'd go on the web on my phone and see if any of my friends were going into Kingston for drinks. After checking, I lifted my head and noticed Lucy quickly averting her gaze and walking by. She blanked me.
I was crestfallen. She didn't want to know me. I walked down to the tube with the heaviest heart. I got on the train headed for home
No. Fucking no, I thought. This sort of shit happens to me too fucking often. I'm not letting it happen again. I am getting an answer out of this girl one way or a-fucking-nother. I got off the train at the next station and went back to the club. I power walked my way there with an anger and enthusiasm that I hadn't felt in years. I stormed into the club once more and climbed the stairs like I'd never climbed stairs in my life. I marched over to Lucy, and once I saw her face, I melted.
'Chris! Hi! How are you?' she said with the smile that I had only to think of to cheer me up.
'...H..h..hi. I'm fine, how are you?' I was pathetic.
'I'm good! What are you doing here?'
' I...I don't really know.'
'Ok...well, tell me something funny'. If our relationship was a shitty sitcom, 'tell me something funny' was her catchphrase.
'Haha. Em, I don't know, What time do you start at?' I said.
'I start at ten, and I'm finished at two. Are you here with anyone?' she asked.
'No. By myself. I came to see you'
'Oh, how come?'
I kept looking at the floor and had a stupid, uncontrollable smile on my face. I looked like a psychopath.
'Do you have a break at all? I can't really talk to you about this now'. Why was I putting it off?
'No, not at all.' she said.
'Oh. Um, I wasn't really happy with how we left things the last time. Em...' I couldn't talk properly.
'Chris, do you want to meet up on Monday for a drink? We could talk then', she said, trying to save me the embarrassment.
'Yes. That would be great. Please don't think I'm mental' I said.
'Haha, I don't!'
' Ok. Good. I'll see you on Monday, then. Bye.'
'Ok, bye...' she said.
I left quickly, without looking back. I was smiling hard. In a way, I had finally done something about the situation, and the outcome wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. I nearly started laughing to myself hard, thinking about how much of an awkward idiot I had been.
I got on the tube and turned on my iPod. I was still laughing to myself, and I had put my head back on the seat, relieved that it was done. I was happy, finally. Things were going in a good direction after too long. I couldn't stop smiling and thinking about the whole thing, thinking about how it's a funny story and that I wanted to write about it in my blo....Lambeth North? Fuck. I'd missed my stop.

Two Weeks of Nothing

2009-01-14T15:17:00.002Z

I have little planned for the next two weeks. I've handed in all my college work and I'm not back until the 2nd of February. Aside from tomorrow night's impending tragedy or romantic comedy, I'm going to a party in Farnham on Saturday which promises not to disappoint. That's it so far. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not. I guess the next two weeks will depend on how tomorrow goes. I'll either be hanging out with Lucy loads, or alone at home wanking. Ugh. I hate my obsession with women.

College Work

2009-01-12T11:16:00.002Z

Can get fucking fucked. I've been busy as a beanie baby over the last few days trying to finish my portfolios. So much work to do, and I have to include drafts of all the work but they don't even get marked. FFS.

I went out drinkin' on Saturday for Tom's birthday and I'm still hungover. I didn't get that drunk, I don't know how it happened. I'm fucking wrecked, and I didn't get any sleep last night at all. Now I have more work to do and I just want to sleeeeeep. I cannot wait for Wednesday when I'm home free.

I'm going to a place called On Anon in London on Thursday night, because Lucy works there. She doesn't know I'm coming. I haven't seen her since before Christmas, and I'm gonna tell her the truth. That I really like her, that I haven't ever liked anyone as much as I like her. I have absolutely no idea what she is going to say, but the way my luck with women has been going it probably won't turn out very well. Still, I have to take the chance because I'll kick myself forever if I don't.

Holy fucking tits I'm scared.

Out for a few shites!

2009-01-09T20:20:00.004Z

I went out into Kingston last night to meet up with some friends from Uni. I got to the club before they did, although I don't have their numbers for some thick reason, so I had no clue where they were and thought I'd end up leaving early, but they got there eventually. We went to the bar and it was about ten to fifteen minutes before I got served. I asked for two pints to save myself going back to the bar for a bit, but the lad said they'd no pint glasses right then so he was going to give me four half-pints. Not wanting to start a fuss (I know all too well what it's like running out of cups in Starbucks, and it makes it worse when customers are pricks about it), I said it was fine. So he came back with four pints. I didn't ask, and then he told me it was 10.50 (I can't find the pound sign on this American laptop). I had no idea how that worked out but I took it anyway. Not wanting to walk around with four pints (and not knowing how) I downed one at the bar and carried three to a table. I was halfway into a second when I got the shakes bad, and somehow managed to knock my own pint out of my own hand, all over my leg. Some lad shouted 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' and I shrugged it off and started on my third.

It was a good twenty-five minutes before my friends Dan and Emma got served which is fucking madness. When they finally did we moved over to the dance floor, and I was pretty drunk at this point and was up for a dance. Pictures were taken and my crotch and arse were grabbed by my gay friend James, in the picture there. It was a gas night all in all.

It's confirmed.

2009-01-06T15:21:00.000Z

I am a paranoid asshole.

Her phone's been 'on the blink'.

It's snowing!

2009-01-05T14:38:00.002Z

Today was the first time I've seen snow since the last time I went skiing, which was about two years ago. It was just a light covering and it melted by lunch time, but it was still cool nonetheless. I really like snow, it makes winter what it should be.

It appears that Lucy doesn't want to talk to me. I really don't know why. She said she wanted to hang out in the new year but she won't reply to any messages I send. We haven't talked properly since I told her that I missed her. She didn't even reply to my Happy Christmas text, and I got a 'belated new years' text from her on the 2nd. That was the last thing she sent. This is the worst. It's confusing and downright insulting. I really thought that we had had a great time together, we may aswell have been a proper couple. I was genuinely falling for her.

Is this Karma for leaving and hurting Isabel? I don't believe in Karma but it does seem like this has happened for no reason I can think of. I never said anything that would offend her. We never had an argument.

Either there's some underlying reason like an ex-boyfriend of hers or something, or she's just bat shit fucking mental. And according to my best friend in the whole entire world, all girls are bat shit fucking mental.

Lyrics Blog

2009-01-04T22:55:00.000Z

I've set up a blog solely for lyrics. It's handy enough for me!

http://drylipsandbrokenribs.blogspot.com/

2009

2009-01-01T16:23:00.002Z

It's hard to be positive. I'm going to try anyway. If it's not happening then I'm leaving it. It sucks now but I'll get over it.

Last night was a bit weird. One of my brothers friends who's 27 was hitting on me and Aido. It was funny but mad awkward. Like I hadn't seen her in yeeeeeeaaars. Apparently when they were all knocking in to my house for Tom, I'd stroll up to the door and say 'Well hello, ladies!'. I seriously don't remember this. I also got talking to another of Tom's friends who lives in London aswell, and she's into some hardcore which was cool. Now I have a friend I can go to shows with! She's into Sick Of It All and Minor Threat. She hadn't heard of Verse who are one of my favourites, but she'd heard of Forging Friendships though which was cool.

I am disappointed in some people. They should be better friends and not let their best friends do silly things.

The only music that was played all night was 80's power rock. It was odd but funny too. Toto came on and I was happy.

This a dark and cold January 1st. I'm hoping that it's more representative of the year just gone and not the one to come.

I will make 2009 a good year.

Christmas

2008-12-31T13:52:00.002Z

Christmas in Spain was fun. I got a digital camera, which I was chuffed about cos I've never had a camera, so I'm gonna take a million pictures now.

I'm home in Dublin again. It's been fun aswell.

I'm still in a fucking shitty mood though over what happened with me and Lucy. I'm not even totally sure what happened, but the last time we were texting I told her that I missed her, and I haven't heard from her since. That was well over a week ago. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I even sent her a happy christmas text and she didn't reply.

If there are any girls reading this can you please tell me why you do things like this.

New Years will be boring, I bet.

Vicious Teeth

2008-12-21T19:25:00.002Z

I'm seriously fucking fed up to my teeth with girls. When I think about it, every time I've been involved with a girl in the last 5 years it has ended up, sooner or later, fucked.

I was so excited about this time. In all honesty I don't think I've ever felt this strongly about a girl before, and it ended before it could begin. I don't know why I try anymore.

Fuck girls, fuck love and fuck everyone but me.

Tote Lame

2008-12-20T22:20:00.002Z

So, I felt like making 'the girl that I was just seeing' into my girlfriend. Before I could say anything, she says I live too far away and she'll be too busy next year for a proper relationship. I lied and said I felt the same.

Ugh.

Lyrics

2008-12-17T14:36:00.004Z

So it seems
Once again I have relied on subtlty.
A half sincere and forced apology.
I'll never be the man I want to be.

I've inflated my ego enough to float
I tried swallowing my pride
(it got caught in my throat).

If I ever get past this with dignity and respect
Expect the smile I've deserved since I left.

----------------------------------------------

My ribcage is now the only thing suffering from my heartbeat pounding.
I'm happier than I had planned to be.
The turn of events is sleeping beside me.

2008

2008-12-16T22:32:00.002Z

January - It's difficult thinking all the way back. I pretty much did nothing but work. My mam and little brother moved to England and I moved in with my older brother.

February - Paris! Disneyland twice haha, and then more work...

March & April - Work...I really didn't do much else.

May - Went to England for a few days, had an operation on my toe which gave me an unexpected week off work. Then like a week later I went to the US!

June - More of the US. Then more work, and starting to think about Uni.

July - It all kicks off. Decided England was a better choice for me in many respects, went through a break up, reconnected with my friends and moved back home with my Dad for a few weeks before heading to the UK.

August - 20th birthday. Finished up in Starbucks and went to Fibbers for the first time ever. Had a little leaving party, and then moved to London.

September - Spent much of this month getting over the break up (I was too busy in August to let it hit me) and sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Went to Spain for a couple of days with Will, got drunk and kissed some girl from Swords. First day of Uni on the 22nd, kissed a girl during Freshers week who I haven't seen since...

October - Pretty much just went to Uni most of the time. Somewhere near the end of the month, I met Lucy :)

November - Uni, going out, visits home, practicing with that band and hanging out with Lucy.

December - No less than four birthdays, finally getting some proper work done and...a slight feeling of worry. More on that next year....

Only Of You.

2008-12-15T00:17:00.002Z

I should stop writing in a way that makes me sound like I don't or have never cared.
Of course I care.
Blame my horrendous ego (which I'm sure you've since recognised).
So, because I am not half the man I should be (or like to come across as), this my subtle apology for being a dick.
As soon as I get over myself, I'll smile for you.

DISCO DANCING

2008-12-13T14:08:00.003Z

I've been feeling strange lately. I'm starting to settle really well now; I've got a few friends that are fun to hang around with, my creativity has started to bloom, I'm hopefully getting some kind of band started and to top it off I'm having the most fun with the coolest girl I've ever known.

So I when I hear (or read) something that months ago would have made me feel like shit and I think 'I don't care. At all.', I'm overwhelmed with powerful feelings that I've never felt before. Sometimes it feels like anger, and other times it feels like super-happiness.

I can't express this in words. All I know is that I feel it most when I'm listening to something really heavy.

Hmmm.

2008-12-10T21:55:00.002Z

Is it weird to be scared of how you feel? Even if it's a good feeling?

When I think of her I get a strange feeling...I hate to be a walking cliché but I've never felt it before. There's no way it's love. It's only been two months. Blah blah blah love is unpredictable or some other sappy bollocks, but I'm almost certain it's not.

Almost.

Fuck.

Fucking English

2008-12-06T22:14:00.002Z

I really thought I'd lap up this whole English Lit course, but it's been a real disappointment. I'm loving Creative Writing, but EL has been kinda boring and the work is fucking piling up. For one module alone, I have to write two Close Reading Analysis (both 500 words with Peer Reviews), summarise an event (500 words), a 'Paragraphing' Excercise (I have to rewrite three paragraphs and circle 'connecting' words or some bullshit), a 'Mapping Introduction' (basically write the Introduction for my essay) and then a Discovery Essay (1500 words). That's 3000+ words for one fucking module alone. The other module for English Lit isn't so bad. I only have to write an Essay of 1500 words for a pretty vague topic, along with 100 word notes on each book so that should be fine.
For Creative writing, I have to write five books reviews (300 words each) which is gonna be grand. So far I've written only two. For the other CW module it's two creative pieces (750 words each; I have one completed that's 900+ words and the other is on its way), two critical analysis of short stories (250 words each) and keep a Journal.

I was reading one of my EL textbooks about Beginnings, and it was all bullshit like 'What, or where is the beginning? Is it at the start of the book? Is it when the writer puts pen to paper (or, to be sure, takes the first keystroke of a keyboard)? Or when the reader picks up the book oh who gives a fucking shit. Get on with it for fuck's sakes. Yeah that's right, I'm not gonna close the quotation. I'm mad. It pissed me off so much, and I have to read like ten chapters of it before the end of the year because I was lazy and stupid and didn't pick up the book before now. Fuck it. I don't care. They can get fucked with the amount of work they've given to first years, who without doubt are going to be lazy fucks who really don't care yet. If they're surprised by the quality of the work handed in then they have no memory of being a fresher. Even one of my tutors thinks it's too much work, but won't say anything to the heads of the module. Ugh.

Anyway. Started listening to Refused again. Amazing band. Definitely get into it if you haven't.

Alone

2008-12-06T18:24:00.002Z

I just got home about an hour ago and my family aren't in, and I don't know where they are. Boo.

Lovely Naps

2008-12-04T21:29:00.002Z

I was KNACKERED today. Wednesdays and Thursdays are my only early starts in Uni and I (try to) get up at 7. I went to the Library earlier during my two hour break to start reading Slaughterhouse 5, and I was drifting off halfway through. I had a bottle of Pepsi to get some caffeine in to me but who knows if that shit actually helps. I woke up a little bit before the break was over and got through a good 1/3 of the book. It's pretty deadly, but really strange. All sorts of talk about time travel and aliens and such.
So I had a lecture then afterwards and I was totally awake for the whole two hours (and I even made a nice new friend), but when I got home I just crashed out and slept a good five hours. I'm still pretty tired now, but I guarantee I won't sleep well tonight. I'm not in Uni until three though so it'll be graaaaaaaaaaaand.

Holy fucking tits I am excited to go home for New Year. Not for the event itself, because it usually fucking sucks, but because we're gonna record a Rubes demo. The lads did one song just guitars and drums, and it sounds alright. It was recorded on a shitty little recording desk, so I was major impressed with the sound they got out of it. It's gonna be a lot of fun.

I am a dick. Verse are playing in London tonight and I totally forgot. Too late now. UUUGGHH.

Oh well. I hanging out with Lucy tomorrow night, that'll make up for it. And then my big bro Ste Fago is stallin' the buzz to London next Monday for his birthday shenanigans! It's gonna be classsssssss. Come to London everyone.

Joni Mitchell was on the ball.

2008-12-01T22:28:00.003Z

So today I woke up at 12. I don't have college until 3 and I usually leave the house at 2 so it was a good time to wake up. Except I did not feel like going to college in the slightest.
I've been feeling really uninspired without a close circle of friends. It'd be nice to have one over here, but the truth is I just can't imagine making friends closer to me than the ones I've left behind. A lot of the time when I was home, I wouldn't go out because I'm something of a recluse. I enjoy my privacy and sometimes I really like being on my own. But now I really wish I had gone out more. I bet I missed a lot of amazing times.

I need a fucking job, so I can have money, so I can go to more gigs over here and book flights home on a whim.

Booze, Sex, Coco Pops and The IT Crowd

2008-11-30T21:53:00.000Z

Four things that I like.

Mr Motivator

2008-11-29T17:12:00.002Z

I went to the Gym today! It's the first time I've ever been. It was a free One Day pass to the Gym where Will is already a member so he brought me along. We started off on the rowing machines. It was tough. A nice way to start though, get the arms and legs working and it tones your stomach I think.
Then we started chin ups. I'd never seen a Chin Up machine before, there were weights on it and you should be able to lift your own body weight. I did ten chin ups and when I got off, I seriously thought I was about to faint. My arms felt energyless and my head was spinning like a fucking Dradel or some shit. I took a quick breather and drank a load of Lucozade sport.
After that we moved on to weights. I have no idea what weight I lifted but they weren't that heavy. Will got me to do ten reps. The first five were piss, but as I tried to lift the sixth, I felt a huge strain. I got to ten but I was seriously dead at that point. I took a minute break and then did ten more reps. The same thing happened again - I could lift the first five no problem but the last five were tough. It happened each time I tried, so I just started doing five at a time instead of ten.
Then we did some floor excercises. I did some pull ups, but I'd never really done them properly before. I thought you literally just pull yourself up to your knees, but apparently the trick is to use your stomach to pull your face 'toward the cieling'. You don't go the full way to your knees.
I did a few of those and then some press ups. Then we did this thing called Planking, where you get into a press up position, but you hold yourself up on your knees and elbows for 30 seconds. It was fucking horrible.
Then we used the treadmills. I did a steady jog for five minutes and it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I started to get horrible shooting pains in my chest halfway through, but they subsided quickly. I haven't breathed so easily in a long time and it felt amazing.
We did some more weights and then I spent ten minutes on a Bike machine. I worked up a fucking storm of a sweat, and then I had a lovely cool shower.
I haven't felt this great in a while! I'm totally exhausted but at least I'm starting to get fit. I'm probably gonna ache tomorrow though haha.

Not much else has been happening. My big bro Steve is coming over here for his Birthday and it's gonna be a fucking blast! He's the best fun ever so I can't wait.
I've been writing some hardcore stuff for that band I practiced with. Hopefully they'll end up sounding good and not slow and shit.

Ugh.

2008-11-27T22:45:00.002Z

I've been feeling like shit on and off for the past two days. I seriously don't know what it is. One minute I'm fine and feeling good, then out of nowhere I get into this horrible mood. I don't feel like I want to do anything, and everything I do seems contrived or boring. Take just now; I was down the pub with Will. We had one drink and played two games of pool. I had fun, I laughed at how bad I am at pool. Now we're home and I feel shit again. I 'feel' tired but I know I'm not tired.

Is this depression?

I guarantee I'll look at this again tomorrow and think 'I feel fine, why did I post this'.

Ugh....maybe this has something to do with a feeling of guilt I have right now. I don't want to have a girlfriend, but I seem to keep moving deeper and deeper into this thing with Lucy. She's really cool, and we have fun together, but I still don't want a girlfriend. How the fuck am I supposed to tell her that. It's almost like we're going out right now, it would be like a break up if I told her. How in the fuck did I get myself into this situation again so quickly.

Fuck my life.

Indecision

2008-11-26T16:01:00.002Z

Maybe it's that I'm just having a hard time seeing you get by.
But lately I've felt less and less like I want to try.

Switching between happiness and frustration,
with direction coming from every side.
It's all laid out and the paths are clear,
so why do I keep going back to hide?

I'm starting to hate how I feel inside,
Hate what is still fucking true.
I hate that it's getting easier to admit
That I still think of you.

Cleaning

2008-11-25T19:03:00.003Z

I don't know why I keep putting it off. My room is now clean and it looks class and I feel like I have space to breathe. Except my room smells like arse because I love to fart, so it's not nice to breathe.

I was in the shower just now and I conditioned my beard. It doesn't feel much softer, but there's definitely a difference. I haven't a clue how I'm gonna look with this moustache. I keep looking in the mirror and blocking out the beard with my hands but it doesn't make a difference. People on Moshspace keep complaining about neck hair and even hair under their eyes, but my neck hair doesn't bother me and I don't get hair under my eyes at all...

All I Need Is A Pair Of The Robot Devil's Hands.

2008-11-23T23:01:00.002Z

Is it silly to say I feel unfulfilled? There's so much to do in the world. I feel like I have something inside of me that is just bursting with creativity and I haven't let it out yet. I feel like Fry in that episode of Futurama where he trades his hands with the Robot Devil, because he had 'stupid fingers'. I'd fucking love a Holophoner.

Ok, plans for life that I MUST complete before I'm 30:

Climb a mountain - definitely the top of the list. A big mountain, too. Maybe not Everest, that's a fucking push, haha. My cousin recently climbed Kilamanjaro (sp?) and he proposed to his girlfriend at the top. What a nice dude. I'm glad she said yes, otherwise that would have been an awkward descent.

Visit at least 15 countries I've never been to before now - I was out with my other cousins last night and they were talking about when they went to Thailand and Cambodia and all sorts, and I got so jealous. I need to do more travelling. So far I've been to England (heh), France, Spain, Belgium, Italy, Greece and America. Each of those were holidays, and I had fun, but I didn't see the real countries. I'd love to go on a driving trip (or a tour, depending how serious my bands get) through the countryside of each.

Learn to Scuba Dive - something I've wanted to do for years now. I used to love diving around rocks in Spain with a snorkel and shit, looking at all the little fish. To do it properly would be awesome. I'd go to Australia or New Zealand or wherever, and just look at fish all fucking day. I love the game Endless Ocean.

Record and release an Album - something that quite a lot of people do these days, and I've always wanted to do it. The last thing I played on that was released was the Almost Cliché/Skeptik Tank split. It was a lot of fun at the time, and I loved recording it. I don't think we were altogether that serious about it though (Skep, anyway), and I'm not fond of those songs anymore. As much as I love and respect The Hive, I'd like to record in a professional - for lack of a better word - studio. It just excites me thinking about it.

SKY DIVE! - it would scare the pants off me but it'd would be amazing.

I'll surely think of more. One thing I'd like to do but I'm not desperate to do is publish something. A book, more than anything. I have had great feedback on all my creative work in Uni so far and it's really encouraging.

I've started to miss home again. Since I've moved to England, I've got into hardcore more and more, but while I was in Ireland I wasn't that into it. It's sucky irony, because I'm missing amazing gigs and the chance to finally connect with people on Moshspace. I'd love to be in Fibbers with everyone. I'm gonna be missing Have Heart and Verse which sucks tits. I already missed Comeback Kid earlier in the year, and they're one of my favourite bands now. I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to get to The Carrier gig in January. My ma is all 'but you'll be in Ireland for New Years, you can't afford it'. Fuck that, if I book now then surely I can afford it. I need a job, though. Hah.

I also want to practice with Rubes so much! The last time was amazing, we got a very short set done and everything, made a good effort with the start of another song and we're just sounding better than ever. I hate to wank my own dick but I really think people are gonna like us. I'm still undecided on the singing end, though.
I haven't a clue what the story is with Vicious Dig. It'll be a shame if it dies, because it has a lot of potential.

I went out last week to practice with a band over here. They were looking for a bassist so I gave it a shot. The lads were super, super nice. They're into all the same music and are definitely people I could hang with. Unfortunately, the music was shite. It was meant to be straight up hardcore, but the drummer just couldn't gain sufficient speed. He also couldn't grasp odd timing; I played a riff I thought would work great with this little stoppy bit at the start, but he just couldn't get it. In the end it was simplified down and sounded like arse. It was slow, basic and boring. The singer was a young dude of 17. He was cool, although his singing wasn't great but then he's only young and he gave it loads so I'm sure he'll improve. The guitarist wasn't great, his riffs were really unoriginal and repetitive. I was so disappointed.
There was one song that sounded like The Carrier and I was excited to hear it, but after we ran through it a few times it ended up boring aswell.
It made me realise that I really don't like playing bass. For me, it's not as creative or fun.
I said I'd practice with them again in two weeks time, but if I can't see any potential I'll back out.

This has ran on too long.
Peace.

FUCK BLOGGER

2008-11-20T10:20:00.002Z

IT JUST DELETED MY WHOLE POST. AGHHHHH.

WE'RE ALL A BUNCH OF PRETENTIOUS PRICKS

2008-11-18T13:08:00.003Z

I love Blakfish. Some dicks stole their gear out of their car, right after the played a charity gig. Sucky irony. I'm gonna try and make it out to this one. Brontide are playing too and they're amazing, so I'm sure the rest of the bands playing are class. I'm looking them up right now. Colour are nice. Jose Vanders seems really nice too, nice Sigur Rós vibe goin on. My First Tooth seem really nice too. These are all nice bands. Not really rockin', but nice. I can't find Scholar, I can only find Rappers and stuff...hmmm. Can't find Tape The Radio either. Buh.
I'm sure it'll be class anyways. I love the flyer though.

Sos from Chewing On Tinfoil

2008-11-16T15:06:00.002Z

Bezzie mate '04. Never fails to make me laugh uncontrollably, and always makes sure I'm havin' the buzz when we're out cuz he knows how shy I am, and how terrible I am at talking to people. Him being in Rubes makes it what it is, I could never imagine not being in a band with him. Even if it was just me and him playing nothing but dischords with Crust vocals, it would still be the best buzz ever. He got me into pretty much every band I listen to these days, directly or indirectly.

I remember we became mates in 3rd year Maths class with Mr. Hannon (who turned out to love child porn). He took the piss out of me because I didn't get into the pit at Metallica but he did, and he even drew a picture of the RDS and pointed out where he was in the pit, and where I was behind it. Then the next year at Metallica he had a broken thumb so he couldn't go in the pit, but I did. Hah. Then we started a ska punk band called Rufty and fucked up the website of a rival band at school. They were dopes though so it's cool. He wrote our first riff, and he still writes about 80 - 90% of the music in our band. Then I write a small bit and he goes mad with it and writes loads of stuff around it.

We weren't friends for about a year because he didn't like my girlfriend. But now we're bezzie mates again and we kill girls and do all sorts of horrible drugs.

Waking Up Early

2008-11-14T08:21:00.003Z

I woke up at about half 5 this morning. I've had this weird chesty cough the last couple of days, and I keep waking up mad early, finding it difficult to breathe. I went to get a drink of milk cuz that usually makes me feel better, but we didn't have any. Instead I had some Pineapple squash. It wasn't the best idea. It didn't help me at all and it also gave me awful heartburn. Fuck's sake.

So now I'm up. It's for the best I think, because I have to hand in an assignment today that I forgot to do, so now I can do it. I'm not in until 3 and it's only 250 words long, so it should be a breeze.

I went to a club night called New Slang in Kingston last night. It was pretty deadly. There were 3 bands playing. The first band were called Brontide and they were class. Check 'em out. Really excellent live. Tight as fuck and mad energetic. I can't remember the name of the second band, but I wasn't into them much anyway. Indie pop rock stuff. Meh. Then the headliners were Dananananakroyd. It's a pretty class name, and they were actually pretty good aswell. They seemed a bit like dicks though. At one point the singer jumped into the crowd and everyone started push-moshing. He just started shouting "STOP FUCKING MOSHING" over and over which I thought was hilarious. Then he just started giving out to everyone, saying "MOSHING IS FOR LOSERS". I'd have loved to go up and start windmilling but I'm shit at it and would have made a tit of myself haha. Then halfway through they told everyone to make a split down the middle, but they said "This isn't the Wall of Death. The Wall of Death is for LOSERS. Instead of running into each other, on the count of 4 you're going to HUG each other. This is the Wall of CUDDLES". So they counted to 4 and everyone hugged each other. It was actually pretty funny, but looked just as uncomfortable as a Wall of Death, cuz everyone was squashed into one another. Later on they made everyone do the split again but this time they got them to hold hands together and make an arch, then told people to run through it because they were 'Ordained ministers' and were going to marry people. They a lot of fun live, but I can bet they're stuck up their own holes.
On way out I went and bought this:

I didn't get the Minor Threat reference straight away but it's a cool shirt nonetheless. White T-shirts are the best.
When I was buying it I got talking to one of the Banquet Records lads because I'd overheard him talking about Adebisis Shank. I told him I'd played with them once with Skeptik Tank, and apparently he'd heard of Skep too. I have no idea how, we never played in the UK or even plugged ourselves here at all. It was pretty cool though. I told him about Moshspace anyways and he said he'd check it out, but who knows.

I have to go an do a SHITLOAD of washing and cleaning, and also try to do my assignment...ugh. I probably won't get it done after all.

Few shites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ONE

2008-11-12T00:10:00.003Z

Rubes practice was fucking amazing. We have two full songs down with an intro. We're gonna finish one more (which is already on the way) and then record our demo. I seriously cannot wait for that. The last time I recorded was with Vicious Dig, and that was with bass. I have no fun with bass. So recording for Rubes is going to be mental. We may get someone else to sing, though. I've had enough with having to write lyrics and think of melodies. Plus, I'm just not a good singer. It'll be fun trying to find someone.
I think I may also be joining a band (or two!) over here. I've had a few offers to join some bands on a hardcore punk forum. I've accepted one so far, and me and this lad (who I haven't met yet...) are gonna form a pop punk band. Ah yeah.

But here, I'm going to bed.

As Awkward as a Double Hawk

2008-11-08T13:11:00.002Z

For some lame reason, everytime I'm at a gig or something, I find it really difficult to talk to people that I have no trouble talking to on the net. I'm not sure what it is, maybe I'm afraid I'll have nothing to say and they'll think I'm a dope or something. Ugh I fucking hate it. If anyone's reading this and thinks that I do it on purpose, I don't. I'm just shy, I guess. I'd love to be outgoing and the life and soul of the party but I'm just not....boo hoo.

Anywise, this week hass actually been pretty great. I've gone out loads with my best mates Sos and Aido, saw my other best mates Al and Levi for a little bit and the same with other various good friends, had so much fun on Wednesday with all the lads in Antics and then we ran into Lucy and her friend which was fucking class and just made the week, really. Went to a 21st last night with class bands playing and had as much fun as I could even though I was seriously exhuasted from the previous couple of days. Tonight I think I'll be back in town, although I'm hanging out in Michelles for a bit first for some drinks with people I haven't seen yet.

Then tomorrow Rubes are practicing and I can't wait. I'm seriously excited about this band; I'm really enjoying the music we're making and I think for the first time since we've played together, we're actually all listening to the same bands right now so we should be able to work well. I'm hoping we'll record a 3-track demo that we'll bate around the place for free. I think we've come a long way from playing ska punk songs that all sounded the same.

Well there we are then.

3 EURO THRASH METAL THURSDAY

2008-11-07T11:36:00.001Z

Fibbers is bleedin' shite, but I had the buzz there last night. I just drank Kopparberg all night and have minimal hangover so it's grand.

I don't know what to say.

Except I'm feeling super happy lately. I can't wait to get back to London....

Coming Home Again

2008-11-02T21:25:00.002Z

I'm going back to Dublin tomorrow for the week. I'm not too sure what to think, really. I booked it weeks ago when I was mad homesick and shit. When I was back the last time, I had a kind of shitty buzz. I really hope this week is better, otherwise I won't be going back as often as I thought. There's just no point. Dublin is fucking shit. I'm gonna try really hard this week to hang out with as many people as possible at whatever time though. I might see my Great Aunt too, I haven't seen her in ages. She's old enough but still full of life, and she's hilarious and just a super sweet lady too. Plus she's from Cork so her accent is amazing.

I've had an amazing idea for a story. I'd love to make it into a book but I still have to flesh it out a bit. As it is it's just an idea, with nothing else around it. I'm gonna have to figure out character, setting, blah blah blah. I'm really happy with the idea though, I don't think it's ever been done before. I've thought of a title and everything: Endless. Get fucked if you think I'm putting anything else about it up here!

So the ol' lovelife has picked up a good bit. I'm totally undecided whether I want to be in a relationship again. It's probably a good idea not to start another so soon. I think I've just been so excited to be with someone again that I thought I wanted more than I really did. It reminds me of when I was talking to my mate Rita about me meeting new girls, and she said that Sos said of me "The next girl Chris meets, he'll end up in a relationship with for another three years". I laughed about it at the time, but I can't help feeling that he's totally right. I'm so obsessed with having a serious relationship that I can't imagine being single and being with loads of different girls. So I need to do just that and play the fucking field.

I've been thinking about getting a couple of tattoos. I've been against it for years because of my eczema. I thought that if I ever scratched over a tattoo too hard that I would scar myself and ruin the tattoo. I don't think I care anymore though. I can always get a touch up.
I want to get one that says "In Friends We Trust" after a lyric in a Daggermouth song, and another that says "The Possibilities Are Endless!" after a song by The Steal (and it's just a nice thing to remember, too).

DAGGERMOUTH

2008-10-31T12:40:00.002Z

I ACTUALLY CAN'T GET ENOUGH. GET THE FUCK INTO IT.

All I've got to say is that you guys are all I need!

Writing.

2008-10-30T17:00:00.002Z

People in Uni seem to enjoy my writing! I'm super happy about that. I've read out a few pieces and I got great feedback on each. I'm really enjoying this. It's making me want to write loads more.
Today I wrote a piece in third person; the first time I've tried it. It was based on me and my ex-girlfriend having lunch in the Louvre in Paris, but I changed it around a bit. The excercise was we had to describe two people sitting down to eat, and try to make it clear about where they were eating without directly saying where it was (by describing architecture, decor blah blah). I'm not sure I've done that but I liked what I wrote. Sure I may aswell put it up here:

Having finally gotten tired of just looking at things, they decided to find somewhere to eat. There was a small little place that was just upstairs from the entrance hall, and it seemed adequate enough to kill their hunger. She grabbed a little metal table that may have been better suited outside a pub, and not in a big cultural building. He joined the queue, looking at the menu above the counter. 'Nothing special' he thought, 'although I wouldn't mind one of those Belgian Waffles'. He returned to her with the food on a tray, and she didn't seem impressed with choice. Pre-packed sandwich's, bottles of Pepsi and two big, Belgian Waffles, covered in chocolate sauce.
"You call that lunch?" she nagged.
"Oh, come on. This is the most impressive sight I've seen today". He began cutting into the waffle.
"You're not even going to have your sandwich first?".
He stared at her, dropped the knife and fork, and reluctantly opened the sandwich.
"I don't understand this place." he said, "You'd think that for somewhere that houses so-called 'fine' art, they'd sell 'fine' food. I was hoping there'd be a Starbucks."
"There is a Starbucks," she told him, "I just didn't want to tell you."
His eyes widened at her. He put the sandwich down and started again with the Belgian Waffle.

I like it. I'm pretty happy with it, like. It may not be great but for the first third person piece I've done, I think it's alright.

I'm going back to Dublin on Monday for the week. I think I'm staying in my Aunt's house, because I don't want to stay in Bayside. It's such a depressing house. Fuck that.
Lucy is going to be in Dublin on Wednesday. That's going to be amazing fun. I can't wait for my friends to meet her, and just hang out like. It'll be class showing her my favourite spots.
Then I'll be going to the Greystones gig on the 9th. I'm super excited for that, I haven't been to a gig in ages!

I got my Wii back. So happy. I can't find Mario Kart though. So pissed. Gah.

See yis.

Ok

2008-10-27T22:48:00.003Z

Had to edit that last post, said some scandalous shit right there.

So her name is on here now. Oh well. She came over and we had a great buzz. We watched Hot Shots Part Deux (which is class), had a few beers and some pizza. She stayed over too which was great because it meant we got to hang out for longer.

I'm getting so lazy with Uni work. I'm only halfway through Jane Eyre and I was supposed to have read it by last week. I also had A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway to read and I haven't even started it. I hate reading two books at once. Other than that Uni is going well. I've made a friend or two which is grand for me. I'm defo not the type to be everyones mate. Not that I wouldn't want to be haha. I'm just very shy. It also sucks that I'm not into things like football; a lad asked me today who I supported and I was like "Eh...my brother supports Arsenal, so I guess I do...too....". Ugh.

I need a fucking job. I really don't want to go back to Starbucks. I was so sick of it when I left. The only thing that kept me there was the people and obviously it'll be all new people if I start over here. I'm not saying they'll all be pricks or anything. Just it wouldn't be the same. I'd rather get another job. I applied to Banquet Records but they haven't gotten back to me and it's been a while so I guess they're not going to. Oh well.

I just watched the first episode of Dead Set. It's totally fucked up. I've seen zombie stuff before and was never that grossed out or anything, but this really shocked me. Seeing Davina McCall as a zombie was hilarious though haha. I'm not sure I'm in to it, it made my stomach turn a bit. I'm not big into serious TV shows anyway, but the new Futurama film is coming out in a few days and I can't wait! The first new episode was on the other day but it's just the first quarter of the first film so it wasn't anything new, which sucked a bit. Not sure I'll bother watching the rest of the 'new' episodes.

That's all I can think of for now! I have to go make up some notes on Jane Eyre. Gah.

See yiz.

Oh Christ

2008-10-26T09:51:00.003Z

I'm still drunk from last night. What the fuck. Stayed in nat's apartment in Wandsworth, got up at half 9 but it was really half 8 cuz of the clocks went back and shit. Only home now at 09:52, according to my Slaptop. Shadow needed to take a huge piss. For some reason I imagined her being Mexican, and I thought I'd call her Sanchez if she was. Yeah.
It was a good night. Me and Will went to The Griffin, the strip club we were at at Ed's stag do. It was pretty good, the girls were amazingly good looking. I wanted to get a private dance for the laugh and for a boner but Will said it wasn't worth it. We went toPutney then to meet up with Nats. We waited in the queue for this club for fucking ages. I tried to chat up this girl behind us, and I think it was going ok but then we lost her when we went inside. It would have been a laugh, she was mad pretty.
And anyways, I think Lucy is coming over today and we're gonna watch DVDs and shit. It'll be pretty good.

I have to read Jane the fuck Eyre before tomorrow. I'm being a shit and just not bothering. And then I have to read A Moveable Feast by Hemingway before Wednesday. Gah.
But yeah.

Hallowe'en

2008-10-25T12:53:00.002+01:00

I always get excited for Hallowe'en. I have no idea why. I haven't had an enjoyable one since I was young and trick or treating. Since I've been a bit older I always assume I'll have a class costume, get drunk with my friends and have an amazing night. It has never once turned out like that. Halloween is fucking shit. The only reason anyone older than 16 likes it is because it makes you feel a bit younger (although why a 16 year old needs to feel younger is beyond me). I do miss dressing up and walking around my estate at night with all my friends, getting free sweets and one time even money! I've yet to have a good Halloween as an adult so I'm gonna remain cynical until I do. Fuck Halloween.

In my moment of mental clarity...

2008-10-20T20:03:00.002+01:00

It's weird how one person can totally change how you feel. This time a month ago I was a wreck. Filled with regret, and upset and depressed beyond anywhere I'd ever reached before.
Then I met someone, and now I feel totally different.
I have that exciting feeling in my chest, which is a more than welcome replacement to the dismal weight that was there before.
I smile when I think of her. It's all coming together, I think.
I'm the happiest I've been since the start of the summer.

If you're reading this (you know who you are), then you deserve to be happy aswell.
Take a chance. I know how you feel right now and I'm worried about you. I wish I was there for you.

Duuuuuuuuublin.

2008-10-20T10:10:00.002+01:00

What a weird weekend. The party on Friday was bizarre. I had the buzz seeing everyone again and shit, but some people were being vicious cunts and ruined a good few peoples buzz. Especially my friend Mark who knew pretty much just me, Sos and Aido. Loads of people were like 'who's this randomer' making him feel very unwelcome. It was fucked.
Anyway the less said about that the better I think.
Dublin is shite. The weather sucks (I know London isn't much better though), the transport is horrible and I just had what felt like a very boring, lonely weekend. I actually started to wish I was back in London yesterday. At least in London I have Uni, and I can chat away to an amazing girl.
Hopefully I'll have a better time in Dublin when I'm back in two weeks. It'll definitely be better when this girl is over too (I really don't want to write her name up here, it feels weird). Anyway I'm in the airport and about to run out of time on this internet box thing lad.

Post more buzz later.

And so...

2008-10-15T13:52:00.002+01:00

...it was class. She's so cool. I really like her a lot. I know I said that I didn't want to be in a relationship, but I don't know...she really is great. We spent the whole night talking about almost everything. I made the stupid mistake of bringing up ex's which I don't think she liked but we moved quickly on and things were fine. She's really interesting and funny and we get on well. She's so pretty aswell. I don't think she likes it when I say cheesy things though haha. I'm very cheesy. We got quite close when I was waiting for the bus. I purposely missed the first bus just so we could hang out a bit longer and I'm glad I did.
Gah, I'm just really pleased right now. This was a huuuge step forward. I'm seeing her again soon and I can't wait.

Go me.

Date Night!

2008-10-14T19:01:00.001+01:00

I'm leaving in 15 minutes. Gah I'm so fucking nervous! Christ I hope I recognise her...

Fuck.

Excitable probabilities.

2008-10-13T13:45:00.004+01:00

I'm going on a 'date' tomorrow! I haven't been on one in over two years, and that was my first date with my ex. We were already going out and all haha. I'm excited though. A bit nervous aswell, because I'm getting all those anxious thoughts like 'What if I can't think of anything to say' or 'What if she doesn't actually like me' blah de blah. I'm sure it'll be fine though. The only thing is that I'm really not in the place for a relationship right now. I still think about my ex a bit. I don't think I'm in love with her anymore, but I still miss her. It still hurts to think of her. I hope she understands this and doesn't hate me or something.
Anyway, I have no idea what we're doing. She's said she'll show me around London and then I have to show her around Kingston and Dublin, because she'll be in Dublin in November while I'm there too!! That's gonna be a lot of fun. I just want to have some fun right now, and she seems like a lot of fun. She's amazing, actually. Intelligent, funny and gorgeous. When I first met her in a bar in London, it was dark and I was drunk, so I can't picture her in my mind. I do remember thinking that she was really pretty though, and everyone else who was with me that night has said she's 'hot' or 'fit as chips, mate'. So I'm really happy with this.

I'll let you know.

Mixed Feelings

2008-10-11T23:15:00.002+01:00

So my emotional meter has been flicking back and forth for a while now, and in the past day or two I've felt two amazing feelings at the same time. Anger, in all it's blissful extremity, makes me feel happy with myself. I need a healthy dose of anger to make me feel better. I'm angry. Who the recipient of this anger is, is a murky question. Obviously these feelings have stemmed from the whole break up. I'm angry for having lost someone who was so close to me, angry that she's with other people, seeing them in ways that she used to see me. I'm angry because I'm literally forcing myself not to speak to her, when it's all I want to do, and I'm angry that she herself isn't speaking to me.
What is so strange is that it makes me want to laugh. It's actually making me feel better, because I'm no longer sad. I'm angry. Sadness has taken it's seat once more and happiness is getting it's chance to take the stage, backing up the anger.
I'm sure it's all to do the multitude of people I've met recently, and one in particular who I'm really excited about. There'll be more on that later I'm sure.
For now, the shit battery on my laptop has 5% remaining and I'm not arsed looking for the charger.

See yis.

Holy shit!

2008-10-11T18:48:00.000+01:00

I've met a girl. Wow. This is an amazing feeling.

I can't think of a title.

2008-10-08T23:42:00.003+01:00

Oh fuck I hate break ups. Not that anyone likes them, but I really hate them. I should just try to avoid them better in the future...
It's like I want to move on so much but I can't. Agggghhhh it's fucking with my head. I keep going on to her webpages and stuff, which is just making it worse. It's like a blister in your mouth. You should just leave it the fuck alone but you can't help poking it with your tongue.
I want to know everything about what's going on with her right now; how she feels, what she's been doing, all the stupid little insignificant things that happen throughout her day that she barely pays attention to so I can hold on to them and feel that they're ours.
I've thought about it and I think even though I'll get over the break up, I don't think I'll ever get over the relationship. After these three years in London and I go back to Dublin, I'd love it for us to get back together. There was nothing wrong with the relationship; we barely ever fought and when we did, we never raised our voices or got snappy. It was mostly just disagreements and we'd be annoyed for a bit but then we'd both say it's silly to argue and get over it. We always had a laugh and were always able to talk about something interesting. I was never bored and I don't think she was either. Any problems were never ones that we created. I'd say the main (or only, really) problem was the distance, and it wasn't even that much.
I've never been so angry at myself for anything as I am for the mistake that I made. It won't leave me. The wound still remains and the scar will never fade.

What can you do when you feel like growing up is catching up on you?
I feel replace in a place I'm not a part of in a way I can't erase.
Piece by piece watch it break off.
This morning streets were lined with enemies
and I never wanted to leave so badly.
To you this promise I'll make, without you I'd never sleep.
I've changed as much as I can.

The Carrier

2008-10-05T22:04:00.001+01:00

I literally just got into them in the last half an hour. They're class, plus they're playing in Fibbers in January. Hopefully they'll be selling this t-shirt:

It's an unbelivable shirt. Fuck. I want it.

Fuck's sake.

2008-10-05T21:58:00.001+01:00

Good fuck I need someone. Anyone. Anyone to know, to talk to, to obsess over, to think about constantly. I definitely need that. It's just who I am.

Wheh.

Golden Hot Pants

2008-09-28T16:43:00.003+01:00

The Freshers ball was class. We didn't go near the gig tent which I'm annoyed at myself about, because if there's one thing I want to get involved in it's local gigs. It was put on by Banquet Records too so I'm sure the bands would have been good. The Foam party was pretty cool but we didn't spend long in there. The Silent Disco was hilarious fun. It's amazing looking at everyone dancing around and singing to nothing!
It ended at around midnight so we moved on to a bar called McCluskys. We were actually there the night before. We had met some people on the way there. Two girls who were Irish (which is how we got talking) and then some other people. We hung out in McCluskys all night, and I ended up kissing one of the girls we were with. I can't remember a lot (Freshers drinks cost fuck all) but it was really great, and so is she. So I saw her again at the Freshers ball, but I guess we're both the nervous, shy type so we didn't really talk...or see each other at all for the whole night. Oh well. I got quite drunk anyway, and I was on a mission to kiss another girl. I talked to loads of girls but never really got anywhere. I guess I was that bit too drunk, where girls will humour you, but want nothing to do with you really. I was talking to one girl though, and then she whispered something to her friend, who whispered something else to her boyfriend, who came over to me and asked me to go back to his house with them. Apparently she was in to me. I had no clue what to say. Quicly enough, I assessed the situation and realised that if I did go back to yer mans house, I'd be parting from my group which included my brother and his girlfriend, and my two cousins. When I wanted to go home from his house, I'd have been by myself and wouldn't be sure where I was going. Plus, these people could have been anyone. I could have been their target for a gangraping or something. I told him that I really couldn't leave my friends so I'd pass it up. The girl didn't talk to me again after that so I think she may have been looking for a ride or something. Kind of annoyed at myself for saying no, but it's def for the best anyway.
After McCluskys we hung around the town a bit, messing with a trolley and annoying some girls and then trying to get punched from this guy who really didnt want to. I'm a dope when I'm drunk. I have pictures up here.

I've been feeling great lately. Getting on with life and meeting loads of new people. I'm even listening to loads of new music (new to me, anyway) and it's making me really happy. I've decided that I'm definitely a relationship person, so that's what I'm aiming for. Not quite yet, but I'm not the sort of person that would sleep with a different girl every week (although that would be cool). I don't know. I'm just 'discovering' myself. Blah.

Yo.

College and other stories

2008-09-23T13:47:00.004+01:00

The first few days of college have been great. I've enjoyed all the meetings and I've got some of my books already. Kurt Vonnegut is on the course which I'm excited about because I was meaning to read his stuff. We're gonna read Slaughterhouse 5, it sounds deadly. We're also reading Hemmingway, Robert Louis Stevenson, Charlotte Bronte and then someone else I can't remember. Creative Writing is class too. Tom my brother is in that class too, which is gonna be fun!

I know that England are a bit mad for the surveillance, but I was totally shocked the other day when I saw one of these fuckers driving around:

That's right; it's a car with a CCTV camera attached to the roof. Fucking hell.

I woke up the other morning to the sound of an alarm. Not an alarm clock, this was like a burglar alarm. I got up in a daze and found my Mam in the hall going 'What is that??". We couldn't figure out what set it off but eventually we turned it off. It was really bizarre. We went about our normal morning routines until I heard sirens blaring outside. I had a look out the window and saw a fire truck outside, and firemen coming into the garden. It was the fucking Smoke alarm, not the burglar alarm! The Fireman bashed on the door really heavily and I opened it.
'You're Smoke alarm's been off!' he said.
'I know, it went off by accident' I told him.
'We'll have to come in and have a look'.
Two big Fire lads came in and had a look at the smoke alarms and the control panel for the alarm system. Apparently our Smoke alarm and Burglar alarm are the controlled from the same panel and are run from the mains, with a backup battery pack in case of a blackout. It just so happened there had been a blackout the night before. The Fire fellas seemed to think that had something to do with it, but my Mam thinks it may have been the steam from her shower. If steam can set off SMOKE alarms. Anyway, they told us to ring up British Gas and ask them to reset our alarm, which we did. That's the boring conclusion to the story.

Me and Will went out on Monday for Freshers week. It was a hat party in the Students Bar. When we got there we realised that it was strictly only students allowed in. Luckily, Will managed to blag his way in, with me talking for him in parts. When Will told the bouncer that he was living at home rather than in Halls, he couldn't believe him. He said it was 'weird', as if no one did it. Dope.
The Hat party was only alright. I didn't get to talk to anyone really, except for a few people that Will happened to know. We ended up staying with them all night and moved on to another bar. It was a really nice bar that played pretty good music, but it only had one toilet each for guys and girls. Not even a fucking urinal. So the queue was huge.
Then I eneded up waiting about half an hour to get served a drink because the cunt barman totally ignored me. Then when I did get served, I learned that most places in England don't have Miller on tap, which sucked. So I settled for Carlsberg. I got two pints because I was fucked if I was going to try to get served again. The bar was closing soon anyway. I drank them much too fast, but luckily didn't get very drunk at all. When the bar shut, we decided to go to a club called Oceana, but when we got there the queue to get in was HUGE. Like it would have been at least an hours wait. Me and Will said 'fuck it', got some Subway (the veggie patty is gorgeous) and got the 24 hour bus home.

That's all for now!

C-Wrist.

English Cops? Naaaah.

2008-09-20T19:09:00.001+01:00

I'm in Farnham today, hanging out with Will. We went to a park with some of his mates and we were drinking in broad daylight, among parents with their kids and opposite a police station.

No one cared.

I'm amazed.

Kingston...

2008-09-18T18:36:00.003+01:00

...is fucking AWESOME! It's such a great little town. It has everything and more, that more being Banquet Records. It's one of the best music shops I've ever been in, just as good as Rasputin or Amoeba Records in America. I picked up Campfire Punk Rock by Frank Turner and See You In Another City by Blakfish. I'm gonna go back in on Monday and get some more stuff!
Kingston has a class music scene, so I'm gonna try my best to get involved in it. I'm definitely gonna start a band over here. I was thinking a straight up pop punk band, because I can see it being lots of fun and pop punk songs are much easier to write than the kind of stuff we're doing in Rubes or Vicious Dig. We'll see what happens anyway.

The University itself is really nice. The building I'm in is new, so everythings all state of the art and shit. I got my timetable, and I'm in every day, but for never more than like, 3 hours. It's class.
Most of my tutors are women aswell, which is grand. One of them has to be a lash. Please.

The Freshers Ball sounds amazing too. There's gonna be a foam party and a silent disco! I haven't been to a foam party since I was like 12, and I've never been to a silent disco.
It's taking too long to get here! I'm sick of sitting here at home being totally bored where the highlight of my day is an alright wank. Fuck it.

More later.