Ex-girlfriends

I keep dreaming about them. Well, the only two that were ever really anything real. Some dreams I like and others I wish I could forget. One I had last night was pretty cool. My ex was having sex with one of my friends but it turned out he was bad at it, and so she came to me. Haha, ridiculous. I don't know what that means.

I think I could be having these dreams because I don't really have any proper interests in women at the moment. There was at least two girls that I thought I might get somewhere with either one of them, but I doubt that'll happen now. Meh. It feels strange not having anyone to think about. It's been a few years since this has happened. I'm usually infatuated with someone. A lot of the time I fall back into old habits and pine after an ex-girlfriend, so maybe that's where these dreams come from. My ex isn't around so my mind is making her nearer to me. Weird.

Samuel Beckett fucking rules.

'Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not everyday that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were adressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for once the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us!'

OMG

FUCK MY LIFE

I'm missing Propagandhi. They're playing about forty minutes from me, RIGHT NOW. And I'm sitting at home typing this shit. For fuck's sake. I didn't go because of the stupidest fucking reasons. The only money I have is still in fucking euros and I couldn't get it changed. My ma gave me fifty pounds in exchange for fifty euro last night and I fucking spent it all. 10 pound credit, 8 pound into Nightmare Of You, 3 pound for a pint there, 10 pound for a NOY t-shirt and 5 pound for an ep. Then my friends took me to a gay club (...), 5 pound into that and then 5 pound for a pint and some drink for a friend. I could have done without the merch and the club, and I'd be going to Propagandhi tonight. But no. Why not just ask my mother for another exchange? Because either she wouldn't give it to me to teach me a lesson or she wouldn't have cash on her anyway. Ugh. Fuck it. I'll just have to wait another two (three, four, five) years until Propagandhi tour again. But they'll probably break up by then. Annnnnoooooyyyeeeeddddd.

Also I'm pissed off because of ladies. Damn bitches, man. There are two interests, and I have realised that I definitely can't go for one and there's probably no point going for the other at this moment. All to do with me moving home for the summer. Lame.

Although on a lighter note I think I'll be back in Malahide for work. There's a girl who comes into there (still, I hope) who's cute and likes me I think. I'll go for that.

Alcohol and Weed...

...are two things that I usually have fun with. But on Monday night I got really drunk a smoked a little bit, and apparently went on to the internet, trying to leave subtle messages to a girl, hinting that I like her. I don't even remember being near a computer and as far as I can recall, there wasn't one handy where I was. So I've no idea how I did it. Also, apparently I said that I was going to go to bed at nine pm that night (I don't remember saying that, I went to bed at one am) and I watched one of my cousins mates as he stripped naked and ran into my other cousins room and sprayed sparkling water everywhere, celebration style. I definitely don't remember that.

But I remember lots of other things from that night. That's what scares me. I have no idea when these things fit in with the others. So I'm laying off booze and weed for a while. I'm too afraid of doing something ridiculously stupid. I wouldn't put it passed my drunken self to ring up this girl I mentioned earlier and tell her that I love her.

I am. The Idiot.

NAME

Why am I seeing her fucking name everywhere?? This sucks so much. Agghhh. I can't be with her. I am being constantly reminded of this.

Green Day's breakdown.

I heard the leaked demo for the song 21st Century Breakdown sometime a month or two ago, and deleted it straight after I listened because it is single-handedly the worst Green Day song I've ever heard. I listened to it again today just to see if maybe I'd warm to it, but no, again I was sorely disappointed. I don't know what the fuck they're playing at. American Idiot was definitely different to their earlier stuff, but I actually really enjoyed most of it. I had heard the inevitable rumours that they were 'returning to their old sound' for the forthcoming album (which happens with every band) and I was really hoping it was true, because Green Day were the second band I ever loved, after blink-182. Nimrod is still one of my favourite albums and to me it's their best.
But this song just doesn't sound like them at all. It sounds like a mash up of American Idiot (it even has some of the same progressions) and Queen. I have no interest in Queen and I'd rather not listen to them, so to hear one of the first bands I liked digress (some fanboys are saying 'evolve'. Bullshit.) to this kind of sound is depressing. Why do good bands always give in to the pressures of popularity? It's times like this that I'm kinda glad that some of the best bands had only one or two albums, before they could have a chance to turn shit. Operation Ivy come to mind. My favourite band Daggermouth only have two albums and I'm kinda 50/50 on whether I want them to release a third, fearing it could be bad. It's why I'm also not sure about blink-182's reunion. I'm not that hopeful.

Bands should realise that they have Best Before dates. I cannot think of one band who has released more than three or at a push, four decent albums. But that's just me.

Green Day will never returned to their previous, better sound, so they just give up the fucking ghost.

Music: Good VS Bad Part II

Wow, just looking over that post there, I realised how much of a dick I can be sometimes. To my friends who read that and were offended, I'm sorry! I didn't mean any offense or anything. It sounded like I was giving out about my friends which I shouldn't have done. It was just a rant about bands I don't like. I hope none of you took it personally.

If you could forgive me for being so brash, you could hit me or whip me, I'd savour each lash.

Ha, ha, ha. Show me what you got.

I just got home from a week at...home. Weird.
It was a decent week anyway. I got way too high. Highlights were:
- Rubes finally writing a third song
- Nearly kissing a girl, but leaving the party we were at instead
- Watching Thalidomides practice
- Hanging out with my best friends.

No scandal apart from nearly kissing that girl. It was so mad, haha. There's no point going into it, it's not a worthy story. The shittest buzz ever was everything closing at midnight on Thursday night. Fucking bullshit. I couldn't care less that the protagonist of the best selling fiction ever supposedly died on 'Good' Friday. Why does that mean that offos and banks and stuff should close? Fuck all happens on Bloomsday except for some people retracing steps. That's way better.

I'm not feeling the blogging buzz right now. Meh.

Laterz.

Music: Good VS Bad

It's weird how music can bring some people so close together, and at the same time act as an impenetrable wall that divides others. At most parties I go to with my friends from around my home town, the music of choice for the majority of people there is Indie/Dance/Something I couldn't care less about.
Me and my best friends mostly like hardcore and other 'heavy' bands. We love to commandeer the stereo and put on 'heavy' bands and piss off everyone, because we have to sit there and put up with their bullshit fucking music. They give out to us of course, without realising they have very little consideration for people who don't actually like the fucking Strokes, or some other shitty popular band. Like it's cool if you wanna listen to it and have a dance and stuff, but having that shit on all night is just headwrecking. It's the one thing I hate about going to parties around my area, which sucks because I love all my friends. It's hard to enjoy myself if the music is terrible.

So it's good when you find a medium. Common ground. But those grounds are few and far between. In fact I think there's only been two bands that all of my friends have liked: Weezer and Cursive. And only a few people from the 'easy' listening side like Cursive.

I'm sorry to sound like a ranting sap, but I just don't get how people enjoy indie music so much. It is without a doubt the most boring, repetitive and banal music out there (maybe another contestant for that title is Drum N' Bass. Don't get me fucking started). There's just nothing going on. I cannot connect with that music on an emotional level. And that's the reason I love music.
I love hardcore because it's the perfect music to be angry with. It makes me feel so good if I'm ever angry. It's how you release pent up energy and emotion. I just can't do that with Indie. There's no release. I'd wait for something big and bold to kick in, but nothing.
Of course, anger isn't the only emotion that music brings out in me. Pop punky bands bring out happy, summery, cloudy pillowy marshmallowy cuddly feelings.
And don't get me wrong. Punk based music isn't all I listen to. I love Sigur Rós. I connect with that.
Recently I've also gotten into Nightmare Of You (a new-wave, pop indie band) and Bon Iver (acoustic, slow, sad-but-nice kinda stuff) and I really love listening to both.

But when it comes to the chart topping SHIT like Kings Of Leon, I just feel like getting sick. Ugh. Worst band.

So basically, hardcore good, indie bad.

Just Being Friends.

I'm fucking doomed.