Hang on a sec...

I just needed somewhere to say that I'm seriously fucking happy. I kissed her and it was awesome and...I haven't been so pleased in fucking ages. Fuck Dublin. I wanna stay in Kingston.

Goodbye.

Blogs.

Fuck them. Phase has past.

See ya.

Mixtape

I made a little comp of some awesome songs. I don't know if anyone will bother downloading it but you never know. I made it as a reference point for the kind of sound my band are going in and I thought I'd share it. Enjoy, if you get it.

1. 1995 - H2O
2. Carms Race - SHOOK ONES
3. Memorial Field - TITLE FIGHT
4. From Mountain Movers, To Lazy Losers - FIREWORKS
5. Keystone Sate Dude-Core - THE WONDER YEARS
6. The (Not So) Noble Purveyors of the Third or Fourth Coming - NO TRIGGER
7. Your Oven's On Fire - SAVE YOUR BREATH
8. Wake The Dead - COMEBACK KID
9. A Bottle Of Charades - LIVING WITH LIONS
10. Mutiny - SET YOUR GOALS
11. Too Late, No Friends - DAGGERMOUTH
12. Forgiver Forgetter - DEFEATER
13. I'm The One - DESCENDENTS

Dope Songs

Bands I Like and Think You Should Like Too: Daggermouth

DAGGERMOUTH
Hardcore/Pop Punk

Daggermouth are my all time favourite band ever. Their album Turf Wars is a fucking masterpiece; every single song is gold. Their first album Stallone is fucking class as well, although not as good as Turf Wars. I honestly cannot pick a favourite song from it because they are all delish. I can only find live videos of them, so it'll have to do.

You Do This As A Fad, We Do This As A Lifestyle


Fucking perfect song. The vocals aren't as good live, but trust me, the recording is amazing.

Hawt Lixx


I could do this for every song on that album. I love it that much. Here it is, and Stallone, if you want to listen to it. I urge you. If you like it you should buy it too, support the lads wha?

Daggermouth - Turf Wars
Daggermouth - Stallone

Another Moan.

Whatever.

A lot of women think that to get a nice boyfriend they have to look good, and society puts pressure on all women to look good.

Well now men have a similar problem. Women want us to look like women.

It's the only possible explanation I can think of for lads like these being so popular:


What the fuck? The hair is one thing, but WHAT THE FUCK IS HE WEARING A HAIR BAND FOR. AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH.
Am I mental? I know you shouldn't judge people by how they look. But in my experience, most people who I've met and looked like that were fucking dopes.

They're almost as bad (but just a little bit more bearable) than these fucks:

Bands I Like and Think You Should Like Too: Say Anything

I'm gonna do things like this from now on. I'm not arsed updating this with lame, uninteresting stories from my mediocre life.

So.

SAY ANYTHING
Rock/Pop

I only started listening to this band at the start of April and I already think they're one of my favourite bands of all time. It's a nice departure from the boring rock bands and the overly poppy pop-punk bands of today. The riffs rule, the vocals are so catchy and uplifting and the lyrics are clever and funny. The first song of theirs I heard was Alive With The Glory Of Love. It's got a simple and very danceable rock riff and it's definitely an awesome party song. It's so much fun to sing along with in that the melody is catchy and it's not hard to sing and the lyrics are instantly memorable.



The harmonies there are just amazing. Every single bit of vocals in that song is just perfect and gorgeous. One thing I love about this band (although it's not present in that song) is how they use 'Bops' as a background vocal.

There are some class examples in that song, starting at around 0:48 (best listened to with headphones).

Both those songs are from the album '...Is A Real Boy'. I haven't totally strayed from it yet but I've found a couple of awesome songs from other records.



That's from the album 'In Defense Of The Genre'. That was the only video I found that wasn't live. Ugh. Why do people make these kind of videos? Lame. In Defense Of The Genre has 27 songs on it so it's hard to get totally into it but it has some gems.



There's a better version of that song but I couldn't find it. It's such a great song though.

I sound like a 15 year old here, I think. Fuck. Maybe I'll get better at writing these things and not look like a total fucking mongo fanboy. Anyway, get into Say Anything and we'll be best friends.

If I could swim, I'd swim out to you in the ocean.

The weather in London right now is incredible. It's so hot, but not humid at all. The sky is clear blue and it makes me really relaxed. I'm going to Will's house today where the weather will probably even nicer. I'm gonna try to get some work done. I have some writing to do, drafts of stories to go over and then two cunt essays to get out of the way.

I'm really going to miss England in the summer, I think. I feel settled here now. I still think I could stand to make a few more friends; the other night I went to Shook Ones and I knew pretty much one person there and he was with his mates as well, so I was kind of on my own. If I start going to more gigs and make my face known I'll hopefully end up chatting to people and shit. Jesse Michael's from Operation Ivy's new band are playing here next week and I can't wait. Operation Ivy are too good and one of the first bands that inspired me to be in a band, and I'm sure it's the same for a lot of people. I hope I get to meet him or at least shake his hand, it'd be so fucking cool.
Ireland in the summer will be okay I guess. I'm happy that I'll be with my own friends again but not happy at all that I have to live with my dad. He is the most impossible person in the world to live with and my old house is fucking disgusting. My brother and his girlfriend are stuck living there and I'm pretty sure they're kinda depressed right now. I really need to find out about my job though. That dopey new manager in Malahide still hasn't got onto me about it. Sap.

I'll make the most of the last month here. First year has fucking flown in. I can't believe it's May.

Ex-girlfriends

I keep dreaming about them. Well, the only two that were ever really anything real. Some dreams I like and others I wish I could forget. One I had last night was pretty cool. My ex was having sex with one of my friends but it turned out he was bad at it, and so she came to me. Haha, ridiculous. I don't know what that means.

I think I could be having these dreams because I don't really have any proper interests in women at the moment. There was at least two girls that I thought I might get somewhere with either one of them, but I doubt that'll happen now. Meh. It feels strange not having anyone to think about. It's been a few years since this has happened. I'm usually infatuated with someone. A lot of the time I fall back into old habits and pine after an ex-girlfriend, so maybe that's where these dreams come from. My ex isn't around so my mind is making her nearer to me. Weird.

Samuel Beckett fucking rules.

'Let us not waste our time in idle discourse! Let us do something, while we have the chance! It is not everyday that we are needed. Not indeed that we personally are needed. Others would meet the case equally well, if not better. To all mankind they were adressed, those cries for help still ringing in our ears! But at this place, at this moment of time, all mankind is us, whether we like it or not. Let us make the most of it, before it is too late! Let us represent worthily for once the foul brood to which a cruel fate consigned us!'

OMG

FUCK MY LIFE

I'm missing Propagandhi. They're playing about forty minutes from me, RIGHT NOW. And I'm sitting at home typing this shit. For fuck's sake. I didn't go because of the stupidest fucking reasons. The only money I have is still in fucking euros and I couldn't get it changed. My ma gave me fifty pounds in exchange for fifty euro last night and I fucking spent it all. 10 pound credit, 8 pound into Nightmare Of You, 3 pound for a pint there, 10 pound for a NOY t-shirt and 5 pound for an ep. Then my friends took me to a gay club (...), 5 pound into that and then 5 pound for a pint and some drink for a friend. I could have done without the merch and the club, and I'd be going to Propagandhi tonight. But no. Why not just ask my mother for another exchange? Because either she wouldn't give it to me to teach me a lesson or she wouldn't have cash on her anyway. Ugh. Fuck it. I'll just have to wait another two (three, four, five) years until Propagandhi tour again. But they'll probably break up by then. Annnnnoooooyyyeeeeddddd.

Also I'm pissed off because of ladies. Damn bitches, man. There are two interests, and I have realised that I definitely can't go for one and there's probably no point going for the other at this moment. All to do with me moving home for the summer. Lame.

Although on a lighter note I think I'll be back in Malahide for work. There's a girl who comes into there (still, I hope) who's cute and likes me I think. I'll go for that.

Alcohol and Weed...

...are two things that I usually have fun with. But on Monday night I got really drunk a smoked a little bit, and apparently went on to the internet, trying to leave subtle messages to a girl, hinting that I like her. I don't even remember being near a computer and as far as I can recall, there wasn't one handy where I was. So I've no idea how I did it. Also, apparently I said that I was going to go to bed at nine pm that night (I don't remember saying that, I went to bed at one am) and I watched one of my cousins mates as he stripped naked and ran into my other cousins room and sprayed sparkling water everywhere, celebration style. I definitely don't remember that.

But I remember lots of other things from that night. That's what scares me. I have no idea when these things fit in with the others. So I'm laying off booze and weed for a while. I'm too afraid of doing something ridiculously stupid. I wouldn't put it passed my drunken self to ring up this girl I mentioned earlier and tell her that I love her.

I am. The Idiot.

NAME

Why am I seeing her fucking name everywhere?? This sucks so much. Agghhh. I can't be with her. I am being constantly reminded of this.

Green Day's breakdown.

I heard the leaked demo for the song 21st Century Breakdown sometime a month or two ago, and deleted it straight after I listened because it is single-handedly the worst Green Day song I've ever heard. I listened to it again today just to see if maybe I'd warm to it, but no, again I was sorely disappointed. I don't know what the fuck they're playing at. American Idiot was definitely different to their earlier stuff, but I actually really enjoyed most of it. I had heard the inevitable rumours that they were 'returning to their old sound' for the forthcoming album (which happens with every band) and I was really hoping it was true, because Green Day were the second band I ever loved, after blink-182. Nimrod is still one of my favourite albums and to me it's their best.
But this song just doesn't sound like them at all. It sounds like a mash up of American Idiot (it even has some of the same progressions) and Queen. I have no interest in Queen and I'd rather not listen to them, so to hear one of the first bands I liked digress (some fanboys are saying 'evolve'. Bullshit.) to this kind of sound is depressing. Why do good bands always give in to the pressures of popularity? It's times like this that I'm kinda glad that some of the best bands had only one or two albums, before they could have a chance to turn shit. Operation Ivy come to mind. My favourite band Daggermouth only have two albums and I'm kinda 50/50 on whether I want them to release a third, fearing it could be bad. It's why I'm also not sure about blink-182's reunion. I'm not that hopeful.

Bands should realise that they have Best Before dates. I cannot think of one band who has released more than three or at a push, four decent albums. But that's just me.

Green Day will never returned to their previous, better sound, so they just give up the fucking ghost.

Music: Good VS Bad Part II

Wow, just looking over that post there, I realised how much of a dick I can be sometimes. To my friends who read that and were offended, I'm sorry! I didn't mean any offense or anything. It sounded like I was giving out about my friends which I shouldn't have done. It was just a rant about bands I don't like. I hope none of you took it personally.

If you could forgive me for being so brash, you could hit me or whip me, I'd savour each lash.

Ha, ha, ha. Show me what you got.

I just got home from a week at...home. Weird.
It was a decent week anyway. I got way too high. Highlights were:
- Rubes finally writing a third song
- Nearly kissing a girl, but leaving the party we were at instead
- Watching Thalidomides practice
- Hanging out with my best friends.

No scandal apart from nearly kissing that girl. It was so mad, haha. There's no point going into it, it's not a worthy story. The shittest buzz ever was everything closing at midnight on Thursday night. Fucking bullshit. I couldn't care less that the protagonist of the best selling fiction ever supposedly died on 'Good' Friday. Why does that mean that offos and banks and stuff should close? Fuck all happens on Bloomsday except for some people retracing steps. That's way better.

I'm not feeling the blogging buzz right now. Meh.

Laterz.

Music: Good VS Bad

It's weird how music can bring some people so close together, and at the same time act as an impenetrable wall that divides others. At most parties I go to with my friends from around my home town, the music of choice for the majority of people there is Indie/Dance/Something I couldn't care less about.
Me and my best friends mostly like hardcore and other 'heavy' bands. We love to commandeer the stereo and put on 'heavy' bands and piss off everyone, because we have to sit there and put up with their bullshit fucking music. They give out to us of course, without realising they have very little consideration for people who don't actually like the fucking Strokes, or some other shitty popular band. Like it's cool if you wanna listen to it and have a dance and stuff, but having that shit on all night is just headwrecking. It's the one thing I hate about going to parties around my area, which sucks because I love all my friends. It's hard to enjoy myself if the music is terrible.

So it's good when you find a medium. Common ground. But those grounds are few and far between. In fact I think there's only been two bands that all of my friends have liked: Weezer and Cursive. And only a few people from the 'easy' listening side like Cursive.

I'm sorry to sound like a ranting sap, but I just don't get how people enjoy indie music so much. It is without a doubt the most boring, repetitive and banal music out there (maybe another contestant for that title is Drum N' Bass. Don't get me fucking started). There's just nothing going on. I cannot connect with that music on an emotional level. And that's the reason I love music.
I love hardcore because it's the perfect music to be angry with. It makes me feel so good if I'm ever angry. It's how you release pent up energy and emotion. I just can't do that with Indie. There's no release. I'd wait for something big and bold to kick in, but nothing.
Of course, anger isn't the only emotion that music brings out in me. Pop punky bands bring out happy, summery, cloudy pillowy marshmallowy cuddly feelings.
And don't get me wrong. Punk based music isn't all I listen to. I love Sigur Rós. I connect with that.
Recently I've also gotten into Nightmare Of You (a new-wave, pop indie band) and Bon Iver (acoustic, slow, sad-but-nice kinda stuff) and I really love listening to both.

But when it comes to the chart topping SHIT like Kings Of Leon, I just feel like getting sick. Ugh. Worst band.

So basically, hardcore good, indie bad.

Just Being Friends.

I'm fucking doomed.

'I don't like them, but they're good at what they do'.

Surely if you don't like them then you don't think they're good? If you think what they do is good then you like them. Stop pussyfooting around calling a band shit. It's just one of those things people say that don't really make much sense, but for some reason a shit load of people say it.

I'm listening to Leftover Crack for the first time in a year or two. I used to love them, and I really don't understand how haha. The music is alright but it's nothing amazing. The singing sucks and the lyrics are ridiculous. It sounds like when a 15 year old tries to write a political song. Take this gem for instance, from One Dead Cop:

One dead cop
No more donut shop
More dead cops
Might make the hurting stop
Kill cops [7x]

I never took such pleasure in a death
A hatred born of freedom’s dying breath
The police kill and then they lie some more
In a conspiracy to cage the poor.

Anytime I hear the word conspiracy used in a serious context, I cringe. Yeah, the cops definitely want to put all the poor in prison, like. You fucking moron.

I think when it comes to political lyrics, I've never found anyone better or even anywhere near as good as Chris Hannah. That lad is too intelligent. For comparison, check out Resisting Tyrannical Government:

Why don't we all strap bombs to our chests and ride our bikes to the next G-7 picnic?
It seems easier with every clock tick.
But whose will would that represent?
Mine? Yours? The rank-and-file's?
Or better yet: the Government's?
But I don't want to catalyze or synthesize the second Final Solution.
I don't want to be the Steve Smith of the Revolution.
Do you see the analogy?
We're the Oilers. The World Bank- the Flames!
And just 2 minutes remain in the 7th game of the best of 7 series!
Yeah, Jesus saves! Gretzky scores! The workers slave.
The rich get more. One wrong move and we risk the cup.
So play The Man, not the puck.
Why don't we plant a mechanic virus and erase the memory of the machines
that maintain this capitalist dynasty?
And yes, I recognize the irony that the very system I oppose affords me the luxury
of biting the hand that feeds.
But that's exactly why priviledged fucks like me should feel obliged to whine and kick and scream - until everyone has everything they need.

Those last two lines are pure genius. Amazing. I'd like to see that drug ridden dope from Leftover Crack write something of that caliber.

That's all I wanted to say.

How does it feel?

Pretty busy weekend, in terms of hanging the fuck out. I went down to Will's on Friday night, for this charity gig on at the pub Will works at. The bands were pretty sucky, boring indie rock and such, although the last band was a ska/reggae band which was pretty cool. The pub was fucking packed. This pub is small enough like, and I'd never ever seen it so full. It was well over capacity but the idiot fucking doorman kept letting people in, even after the manager telling him not to. Dope. I was hanging out with this girl Jo, who I'd kissed back in January. We were chatting away and I was trying to be interesting but I was the most boring fucking dope ever. I have no problem talking to girls that I'm not trying to kiss but I turn into a quiet little sap around girls I like. Plus it was loud and we couldn't really hear each other properly haha. It wasn't going that well but to make it even worse, some lad cut in and started chatting her up. So annoyed. He was mad tall and buff and handsome and everything I hate in lads. He had no problem talking to her and making her laugh, and I sat there with my head in my pint. Arse.
Then later her brother had been hopped on by some scum and ended up in hospital so she had to leg it. So I don't think that's going anywhere fast.
We ended up having a lock in at the pub until fuck knows when. The chats were had, met some new cool people, had a load of crisps and watched some lad do coke off one of the tables. It was the first time I've ever actually see someone do that and it was pretty weird.
On the way home, Will, Nats and I stopped off at a kids playground and had drunken fun. Will fell off a roundabout thing and hurt his foot, hahaha. So funny.

Then last night we went to another gig. It was an all ager which was pretty cool. Will's mate Briggie's band A Stranger In Moscow played. They're alright, I'm not mad into the music but they were really tight anyway. Briggie is the fucking lad. What a hero. Hilarious guy.
The amount of underage girls was unreal. I feel fucking filthy.

After the gig we went back to the pub for a while and then back to Will's where we got ridiculously baked. Laughing at those Frank ads. Briggie was like 'I just wouldn't open the door' and I couldn't stop laughing. Best fun I've had in a while.

Some serious disappointment the other night though. There'll always be one girl to complain about.

Uni-cycle

I have so much work to do for this one module to be handed in on Friday, and I literally have none of it done. Well, that's not entirely true; out of 5 exercises to be handed in, I have an eighth of the first one done. Swell. The most annoying fucking thing about this is that it's just a draft portfolio. Which means that even though I have to hand this work in to be marked, the mark DOESN'T go towards my end-of-year mark. It's just to let my lecturer know how we're getting on. I'm kind of contemplating just not doing it. But I'm not totally sure what the repercussions are. The lecturer kind of seems like a fucking bitch.

HOLY SHIT I NEED TO PISS AND I ALREADY PISSED JUST FIVE MINUTES AGO. Back in a sec.


...


Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I might need to piss so much because I drank loads of water today. Ever since my ma got Wii Fit I've been exercising much more. I haven't started to feel or see any benefits yet but I'm determined to keep going anyway, just because I want to have a fucking killer bod.

Our lecture in Creative Writing today was pretty awesome, the lecturer was talking about his own book. I've got about a quarter way through it, and to be honest I'm not completely enjoying it, but the way he talked about it and how he came to write it made it sound so awesome. I might do one of my critical pieces on it.

I'll be back in Dublin soon. I can't waaaaaaaaait. Fun times will be had.

Staying Home

The Lion King ruled but now I'm at home. My ma wouldn't give me money to go out and gave me the 'I'd really prefer it if you stayed in tonight' speech with a worried look on her face. I seriously have to get a job and move out.

But now, because of the paranoid asshole that I am, all sorts of things are running through my head. Tonight was gonna be the night when I made a move. Or at least would have tried. Now what if because I'm not there she ends up kissing some other dude and my chance is gone...I worry so much about this stuff.

We went through Kentish Town tonight on the way home, and funnily enough right down the road where Lucy, the girl I was seeing before Xmas, lives. It was weird. I kept looking around, hoping I'd see her, but I don't know what I'd have done f I did. Rejection is fucking horrible and it clings to me like a stubborn piece of shit that won't drop off your arse. If I was alone and ran into her, that would have been a different story. I'd tell her that she had no idea how much I liked her and how much it hurt when she fed me that bullshit story. I'd have wanted to make her feel terrible, because I felt terrible and I'm horribly spiteful like that. Although I do feel that empathy should play a huge part in life. If someone makes you feel bad, then they should feel bad. I certainly felt bad after breaking up with Isabel. How much more compassionate would the world be if everyone had a little empathy.

But anyway, that ship sailed long ago. And I hope it fucking sinks.

Ah there's Paddy. What's happening?

I can't really remember Paddy's day last year, except that I was in work. We were giving away free shots of Irish Creme syrup, and not one person took one because it's fucking disgusting. I actually felt sorry for the syrup. I have to stop personifying food stuff. I wonder if they'll do the same this year. I might get a Shamrock Shake from McDick's for old times sake, in honour of my sweet Nana. She was awesome and always got us Shamrock Shakes. I'm meant to be making my way to college for an hours seminar on Foundations in Poetry and Drama, but I'm not shifting. I feel I deserve this day off, even though I've taken a ridiculous amount of time off this semester alone. We're studying Oedipus the King at the moment and the story actually rules. Except last week a tutor called Heidi fucking ruined the entire story on everyone by telling us exactly what happens. Some people love her but I don't like her. She's really up her own hole, and she assumes we're all familiar with all this high brow literature and political philosophies and looks at us like we can't wipe our own arses when we say we're not. She's a young enough and at a push I'd say she's quite attractive but she's such a cunt sometimes. She also tries to get in with the young crowd by telling us all about her days when she took ketamine and did coke. Get fucked you junkie fucking bitch.

Ugh. Rant over. Except I could go on about it at length because it really gets my goat. Haha, that phrase rules.

I've actually started using MySpace a good bit again after about two years of barely using it at all. I've mostly been talking to one new awesome friend on it (at great length haha) but Heron and Sos leave the odd comment as well which rules. I miss my friends. I can't wait to go home again.

I'm going to see the Lion King musical with my family tonight...I'm looking forward to it actually. Lion King was a classic kids movie and I'm sure the musical rules. I'll probably go out to Kingston afterwards and meet up with friends. Apparently everyone is pub crawling, but I have about 15 quid in the bank which there's no point touching. I'll have to beg my ma for drink money. I realised that I actually about 600 euro in my post office bank account at home. I'm wondering should I transfer it to my brit account or have it as a little nest egg. Rainy day money. I wonder if anyone has taken that seriously and spent their savings on a rain day expecting to get mad deals. Or bought a nest and eggs. There's a little story right there that I could use.

Well I guess I should use this day productively. I need to get reading and a lot of other work done before next week. Bleeeeeeeeeh.

Go on Patrick.

Life: An Update.

Another obligatory blog entry. I like how that sentence sounds. Well, even though I said I'd keep on top of the work, I'm constantly going to start tomorrow. Yes, today will be the last day that I am lazy and I will begin working harder tomorrow. Ad infinitum. I am incapable of working hard unless there is an immediate result. I am very inpatient I guess. If you have a job, you have to come to work because if you don't you'll get fired and won't get money. With college, if you don't go in you have yourself to answer to. And I'm not afriad of myself. I can be very lenient. Fair. Forgiving.

I've come to the conclusion that I am so lovesick that I'm willing to fall in love with the first girl I'm attracted to. But I am now surrounded by so many new and pretty girls that I'm falling in love every day. Obviously not in love. But I feel like I have a crush on everyone.

There is one, though. Haha, and not the one I mentioned a few blogs ago. I haven't even talked to her since then. Anyway. She's great. Really great. Smashing. Capital. I would seriously love for something to happen. Hmmm.

I'm going home again in early April. Hopefully this time Rubes might actually get a recording done. I'm so fucking desperate to get it going. We can record something in April, get some hype going and then play a show when I'm home next and record something properly. Fucking gagging to play a gig again.

Anyway I'm tired. And I'm sure you're all tired of reading this. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Love you.

Taken

Late pass I know, but HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT A FILM. It actually does not get much better than Liam Neeson killing the fucking shit out of every cunt in his way. Oh Fuck. I had the biggest smile on my face the whole way through. I have a new found respect for Liamo. Holy shit.

What is wrong with the world?

I don't know what to do anymore. I really just don't know.

Last FM

---->

There's my Top Artists for the last week. Douglas Adams is there because I've been listening to the Audiobook of Hitchhiker's Guide. So he doesn't really count. LastFM rules though. Everyone should get into it.

'The Fear'

This phrase is bandied about by English people for some strange reason. Apparently it's a feeling of anxiety you get during a hangover. I've never got this before and I haven't a clue what they're talking about. I first heard about it from Lucy, and every time she said she had I felt like smacking her. It's one of those stupid phrases that really gets on my tits. The 'fear'. What the fuck are you even talking about?
It's also the name of Lily Allen's latest single. I don't know or care if it's about that anxious hangover feeling (and the lyrics suggest completely otherwise) but I actually like that song. For a pop song, it's really dark. I like Lily Allen. Her music's alright and she's delish, in a junkie sort of way.

I fell in love again today. There are too many pretty girls in Kingston. But this one is smart as well and she made me laugh loudly. Except I don't know her name.

A few funny/stupid things have happened this week so far. On Wednesday, during our Writer's On Writing lecture, our lecturer was telling us about how novelists have to imagine most things instead of experiencing them, and for some odd reason the example he chose was a rape scene. I laughed so, so hard when he said 'You'd have to sit down at your desk and just say to yourself "Ok, I'm going to imagine a terrible rape this morning"'. Hahahahaha. Amazing.

I ordered the remaining books I need for this semester from Amazon the other day and they were meant to come on Tuesday but didn't. Then yesterday, me and Tom decided to get some pizza from Dominos. It was cheaper if we ordered it for collection, and wouldn't you know it, the books came while we were out. We were probably gone for about 10 minutes. I came home to a note saying that the package was too big for the letterbox, and I could pick them up in 48 hours from the post office. So fucking lame. At least I get them tomorrow and don't have to pay for anymore books. Got them mad cheap too.

No plans for the weekend, again. I have to get a job.

Hometown Hotties

I hate those 'Want a Girlfriend?' ads on Facebook. The girls in the ads are incredible looking, but there's no chance that
a)they represent the kind of girls that actually use those websites, but even if they do
b)I would never use those websites to get a girlfriend anyway

I'd like to think I'm confident enough to get my own girlfriends. Those ads are so fucking annoying though. They're just a horrible reminder that I'm single.

BOO HOO YOU FUCKING CRY BABY. SHUT UP AND DEAL WITH IT.

Yeah, I think I will. Thanks for the advice.

Reading. Reading books.

For the past few nights I've been falling asleep listening to Stephen Fry read out The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy. It's an awesome book, and listening to him read it out makes it even better. He does all the voices so well and everything, it's like being a kid again listening to someone read it to you. When I start drifitng off though it gets really annoying, like I keep waking up to him saying something weird and I've missed loads of the story so I have to turn it off but then I can't get back to sleep.
I started reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini as well. I'm about 6 chapters in and it's pretty good. The Kite Runner was awesome I thought, and I watched the film the other day which wasn't as good but at least now I can properly picture Afghanistan in the seventies. It's weird thinking that it was almost the same as loads of European countries at the time, a lot like Ireland actually. It had just started to become a proper developed country. Then the Russians came in and fucked things up, then the Taliban came along and made it even worse. It sucks really.
I'm waiting on a shit load of books to come from Amazon for college. The only one that I was really interested in reading, The Portable Graham Greene, wasn't fucking available. So annoyed. He's a class writer, really intelligent and funny.
I'm still halfway through The Liar by Stephen Fry. I always tend to leave books halfway through for a while and then come back later on. I don't know why, I should really read it all at once.

Ah sure bollocks.

'It seems his train of thought is still at the station'

It's weird how the mind works, or, it's scary how short my attention span is.
I went to log in to LiveJournal for the lolz, just because I use to have a blog there years ago and I wanted to see how much shit I actually talked. Then when it wouldn't let me access it, I remembered that I had actually deleted it. But before I remembered that, I clicked the 'Forgot my password' link and it brought me to a new page with a Captcha. Above the captcha it said 'You need to prove that you are a human'. What a ridiculous thought. Obviously I know that it's used to stop bots from entering websites, but it sounded mad. Prove that I'm human? I've never had to prove that I'm human before. Other than using Captchas, which is a very silly way to prove to someone that I'm human. I bet pretty soon there will be robots with character recognition who have the ability to type as well, and Captchas will be rendered useless. We'll then need to give them retina scans or fingerprint scans (I think some Laptops now even have a fingerprint scanner installed as a lock system) and all sorts. The point is that when I saw the message 'You need to prove that you are a human', it gave me the idea to write what I've just written above. I wanted to have a screen capture of the message, but I'm not that great with computers and wasn't really sure how to do it properly. I tried copying and pasting the webpage into Photoshop, but Photoshop won't let you (or at least it wouldn't let me) paste images into it. I decided to give up on the idea, and then my train of thought ran right away, and I thought to myself 'Hmm, I think might try to draw some clouds in Photoshop'. Don't ask, because I don't know where or why I got the idea. But all of a sudden it became a very attractive though. Keeping with the theme of my uselessness with computers and by association most programs on computers (in this case Photoshop), I decided to look up a tutorial of how to do it on the internet. I found one, but it used an older version of Photoshop than the one I had and so was no use. I tried a video, but that proved just as useless. I tried a third and it didn't explain anything very well at all, so then I gave up on that idea as well. I closed Photoshop and then just went on Moshspace or something.

I really don't know why these things happen - and they happen all too often - but it's such a waste of time and effort. Why the fuck would anyone without good reason want to draw clouds in Photoshop? I should have been reading books for Uni or cleaning my overly filthy room or letting my dog out for a piss which at the time she desperately needed. Why do I waste my time like this? I really fucking hate myself sometimes. Well, not really hate, but I would not like to be friends with me. I'm so fucking dull and thick. Uuuugggghhh.

New Noise

I had been meaning to go to New Noise ever since I moved over here, but I could never really find anyone to go with. Then finally last week, a few of my Uni friends decided to go and so me, Tom and Claire went along too. I had the best time! It's actually such a great feeling being in a club atmosphere when they're playing songs that I actually know and love! Half the time it was emo and even indie bollocks (which kind of annoyed me, because there's another club the same guys run which is only indie stuff) but they played Comeback Kid, Refused, Broadway Calls, BTMI!, NFG and loads others too. Click the picture to see the list. I meant to ask them to play Daggermouth too but I forgot, I was so annoyed afterwards haha. I made a couple new friends too which is always awesome. There were so many delish girls, it was incredible.



There's me going mental during either Wake The Dead or New Noise itself. I lost my fucking mind. It was class night except that Tom's jacket was taken. Bummer.

I need a serious haircut.

AIN'T NO PARTY

I just ordered this:


Excited.

Telling Lies.

So I'm back into the swing of things with Uni and such. Still no job. Still left without a girlfriend. Damn it, one of my favourite songs is hard to listen to because it's depressing me. I still want to listen to it though.
I got half of my results back so far, 2.1s all round, wahey. I need to start writing more, and not this blog. Writing stories. I really like doing it yet I never do it enough. I started on an idea I had for a story ages ago and never kept going with it.

I was hanging out with my cousin last week, and I asked her about her friend that I kissed a while back. I said that I liked her, but apparently she wouldn't really say much to my cousin. Embarrassed, maybe. But anyway she said she'd try to sort something out, whatever that means. I was lurking her Facebook a bit (don't judge me, you cunts) and she's actually one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen. I seriously want to link her profile because everyone needs to see how pretty she is, but that would be fucked up. I hope I see her again.

Ya know what I don't get? The deal with Latterman. Don't get me wrong, I like them and all, but I don't understand how some people see them as like, the most amazingly perfect punk rock band that ever existed. Sometimes they can be a little dull. I dunno. There are so many other amazing bands. Fireworks, for example. Incredible stuff. And indeed Daggermouth.
Also a lot of the bands associated with them are super dull as well. Shorebirds are not that great.
Different strokes, I guess.

Later, dweebs.

Valentine's Shmalentine's

As regular readers of this excuse for a blog will know, I fucking hate being single. So I reeeeeeeeeally hate Valentine's day when I'm single. Especially when a month ago I thought I might be spending it with someone. Mehhhhhhh.
I'm going out tonight, and I'm gonna get fucked up and kiss everyone.

Photoshop

Is awesome. I love taking pictures and doing mad stuff with them. Check this bad boy out:

That's a panoramic view of my kitchen that I made blendind 13 images together. I rule.

You Don't Win Friends With Salad

I recently starting eating meat again after two years of being a vegetarian. I started again because I couldn't really remember why I stopped in the first place. I was never very militant about it, like I wouldn't go to animal rights protests or give out to people for eating meat. I did feel that it was immoral to eat meat though. Propagandhi put it best when they said 'Life's too short to make others shorter'. It's a nice idea.
But I can see good arguments from both sides of the butcher's blade. Ok, an animals life has been ended for our sustenance, but if that doesn't bother you then don't force yourself to be bothered just because your favourite bands don't agree with it. I think that's what I did. A lot of the people that I know are vegetarian/vegans and a lot of it had to do with their influence, and it's interesting to note that since I haven't been around them much at all since moving to London I've started eating meat again.
Maybe I'm just too easily swayed. Another nice idea (albeit one from a complete nutcase) was that the problem with most people eating meat is that they don't understand what is called 'the predator/prey relationship'. You should be thankful towards the animal you are eating because it's life has ended just so you can have a fuckin Big Mac, and not take it for granted.
It's all very complicated when you think about it. And when you do think about it, there are all sorts of reasons why you should or shouldn't eat meat, but I don't agree with that 'should/shouldn't'. No one can tell me what I should or should not do. You can give your reasons why you do or don't do something but please don't believe that everone should follow suit.

At the end of the day, just do what makes you happy. Don't feel pressured into feeling guilty because of what you eat. If it doesn't bother you then that's fine and no one can give out to you for it.

/preach

Time To Get Posi

And not in a silly Disko Traitor way. Plan for the next month is to get a job, hang out with my new friends more and just try to keep my head above the water. I have to stop letting myself get so down all the time over stupid things that won't have any sort of influence over me in a few weeks time. So me and Lucy didn't work out. Who cares? There's 8 million people in London, and that's a lot of fresh fish. I'm gonna be a fuckin grizzly and just yank the fuckers right out of the water. Lock up your underage daughters.

Fame

I've have always thought that being famous would fucking rule. Especially I'd love to be famous in the UK. There's something about fame and the UK that I've always loved. It's probably just some superficial media driven image that being famous in a city like London is the best thing ever, but I really would love it. It might have something to do with my insecurity; I feel unappreciated a lot.
I hate to sound really shallow but the idea of people I don't know thinking I'm cool really appeals to me. Unfortunately the only ways to get famous in music these days is to play shitty mainstream indie bollocks. I don't think melodic hardcore is going to get me invited to VIP parties, but I'd never give it up.
Other than there's movies or TV or something, and I wouldn't mind that at all. I'd say it's impossible to get into though.

Nick Swardson

Get this album. I'm laughing so hard.

Thank Fuck For February

I officially hate January. I'm glad to see the despicable arse of it.

I need a rebound. Fuck.

Cutting My Losses

Oh well.

I am upset but I am not going to feel sorry for myself. What I would give to be with her...but fuck it. It's not happening. Not now. I'm not gonna try to move on to someone else because I don't feel like it right now, but I will as soon as I'm up for it. I seriously hate being single. It's the worst thing ever.

Blah blah blah problems self imposed blah blah blah problems self imposed.

Lars and the Real Girl

Watch it.

Depression Is No Fun

I've been feeling really down lately. Mainly because I'm not doing anything, I really miss Lucy and I really really miss my friends. What I wouldn't give to be drinking Mixed Fruit Kopparberg with Sos in Fibbers listening to him shouting ''MEEEEEETTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL', and then having the chats with everyone. I'm seriously lolling thinking of that!

I've been meaning to look for a job. I've printed out 20 CVs but I've just been too lazy to go out and do it. I keep waking up really late aswell, like at two or three every day, and I look like an absolute lowlife when I sleep too late so no one would hire me. I set alarms for nine and everything, but I just get little to no sleep at night lately so I sleep right through it. I have to do it tomorrow though. My ma will kill me otherwise. I need to move out too. I'm gonna wait until I have closer friends though and get a gaf with them and it'll be gas.

I'm finally seeing Lucy on Wednesday. It has actually taken this long for me to see her. I keep getting these horrible fears like she's already seeing someone else or something. I've even been trying to think of who she might be with, which is fucking silly and I feel like a dick. I get so obsessed with girls, it's not funny. I'd love to be a Pussy King but it's not gonna happen.

The title of this blog is a Bomb The Music Industry reference by the way, I'm not actually depressed haha. I watched Stephen Fry's documentary on Bipolar disorder the other day, it was great. And depressing, hah. I hate my ego. I started wishing the other day that I was clinically depressed so more people would care about me. Sometimes I wish I was in hospital or really sick or something, just so people would pay more attention. It's stupid and selfish but a lot of the time I can't help but feel like I'm just someone in the background who makes no difference to anyone's life. I've never been the most popular person who can make everyone laugh. I'm seriously insecure and I hate it. Whenever I see a guy who is obviously good looking I get so jealous, and if I have a girlfriend at the time I feel scared that she might see him too and think he's better looking than me. Ugh.

I need many hugs.

Thank You

To the awesome people who read this. I know I shite on about girls far too much to be a really interesting or funny blog, so it's class to know that people read this. I know there's not many of you but it really is great. I try to keep up with blogs and it is hard, so thanks :)

I'll try to be more entertaining and funny in the future. Less talk of girls. Unless it's about seeing girls naked, which is awesome and something I did the other night. Go me.

FFS

She's sick and can't meet up, UGH.
Why do I put myself through this shit.


I should have got that girls number.

Tomorrow

Looms over me like an exam. I'm gonna say everything I should have said on Thursday and just see what happens. I'm fairly confident it's not gonna work out though.

I fooled around with one of my cousin's hot friends last night. Hahaha.

Isn't it sweet?

Backstory (for anyone reading this for the first time): I was seeing a girl, Lucy, for a couple of months. I was getting really into her but then before I had a chance to properly ask her out, she says that I live too far away and she'll be so busy with college and work that she won't have time for a relationship. I was upset for a number of weeks and then she stopped talking to me altogether. I was confused and jilted, but decided that I wanted to get to the bottom of it and tell her how I really felt. I didn't bother asking her to meet up, I knew she wouldn't reply (she did reply once, and said her phone wasn't working properly, but I think it was an excuse). I also knew where she worked on a Thursday night; a club called On Anon. She does face painting (for pill heads I'm sure it's a riot) so I knew she wouldn't be too busy to talk or anything. I decided to go.

I woke up this morning undecided. Maybe she wasn't the right girl for me. We didn't have loads in common. But I also remembered that we had so much fun together. I had never felt this way about a girl, ever. Still, I wasn't sure.
I remained feeling this way all day long. I did nothing but stay on the internet and read all day. Evening came, and I decided I would go anyway. I showered and tried to make myself look the business. I wore a shirt, and I even used hair gel. I never use hair gel. I wanted to make the best of impressions.
I left the house, quite sure of what I was going to say. I had written a story in my mind of what the scene would be like.
He approaches the table she's sitting at with an innocent smile on his face. She notices him and gasps.
'Chris, what are you doing here?' she asks.
'I came to see you.' he says.
'Are you here by yourself?'
'Yep. Look, the last time we talked, I lied a little bit.' he said.
'What do you mean?' she was taken by surprise but was a little touched that he had come all by himself. She also noticed that he looked the business.
'When I said that I didn't want a relationship because of the break up I went through during the summer. I was really about to ask you out, but I didn't bother after you said that about me living too far away. The truth is, I've never liked anyone as much as I like you. I'm falling for you'.
'Oh Chris, I was just waiting for you to say that! I wanted to know that you really liked me, and didn't just want to sleep with me! I'm ever so happy!'

And it was going to happen that way.

I arrived at the club at half nine. I went up to the floor where they have the facepainting, and noticed that Lucy was not where I thought she'd be. I wasn't totally sure what time she started at, but I knew she finished at twelve and so to be here by at least nine. I thought that maybe she was on a break. I ordered a pint for courage and sat alone for twenty-five minutes, drinking my beer and dividing time between my phone and the drinks menu. After that I got up and brought my empty glass to the bar, and asked where the facepainting usually takes place. The bargirl pointed me towards exactly where I thought she'd be. I surmised that she wasn't going to be there.
I left the club and headed towards the tube station. Before going underground and losing signal, I thought I'd go on the web on my phone and see if any of my friends were going into Kingston for drinks. After checking, I lifted my head and noticed Lucy quickly averting her gaze and walking by. She blanked me.
I was crestfallen. She didn't want to know me. I walked down to the tube with the heaviest heart. I got on the train headed for home
No. Fucking no, I thought. This sort of shit happens to me too fucking often. I'm not letting it happen again. I am getting an answer out of this girl one way or a-fucking-nother. I got off the train at the next station and went back to the club. I power walked my way there with an anger and enthusiasm that I hadn't felt in years. I stormed into the club once more and climbed the stairs like I'd never climbed stairs in my life. I marched over to Lucy, and once I saw her face, I melted.
'Chris! Hi! How are you?' she said with the smile that I had only to think of to cheer me up.
'...H..h..hi. I'm fine, how are you?' I was pathetic.
'I'm good! What are you doing here?'
' I...I don't really know.'
'Ok...well, tell me something funny'. If our relationship was a shitty sitcom, 'tell me something funny' was her catchphrase.
'Haha. Em, I don't know, What time do you start at?' I said.
'I start at ten, and I'm finished at two. Are you here with anyone?' she asked.
'No. By myself. I came to see you'
'Oh, how come?'
I kept looking at the floor and had a stupid, uncontrollable smile on my face. I looked like a psychopath.
'Do you have a break at all? I can't really talk to you about this now'. Why was I putting it off?
'No, not at all.' she said.
'Oh. Um, I wasn't really happy with how we left things the last time. Em...' I couldn't talk properly.
'Chris, do you want to meet up on Monday for a drink? We could talk then', she said, trying to save me the embarrassment.
'Yes. That would be great. Please don't think I'm mental' I said.
'Haha, I don't!'
' Ok. Good. I'll see you on Monday, then. Bye.'
'Ok, bye...' she said.
I left quickly, without looking back. I was smiling hard. In a way, I had finally done something about the situation, and the outcome wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it might be. I nearly started laughing to myself hard, thinking about how much of an awkward idiot I had been.
I got on the tube and turned on my iPod. I was still laughing to myself, and I had put my head back on the seat, relieved that it was done. I was happy, finally. Things were going in a good direction after too long. I couldn't stop smiling and thinking about the whole thing, thinking about how it's a funny story and that I wanted to write about it in my blo....Lambeth North? Fuck. I'd missed my stop.

Two Weeks of Nothing

I have little planned for the next two weeks. I've handed in all my college work and I'm not back until the 2nd of February. Aside from tomorrow night's impending tragedy or romantic comedy, I'm going to a party in Farnham on Saturday which promises not to disappoint. That's it so far. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not. I guess the next two weeks will depend on how tomorrow goes. I'll either be hanging out with Lucy loads, or alone at home wanking. Ugh. I hate my obsession with women.

College Work

Can get fucking fucked. I've been busy as a beanie baby over the last few days trying to finish my portfolios. So much work to do, and I have to include drafts of all the work but they don't even get marked. FFS.

I went out drinkin' on Saturday for Tom's birthday and I'm still hungover. I didn't get that drunk, I don't know how it happened. I'm fucking wrecked, and I didn't get any sleep last night at all. Now I have more work to do and I just want to sleeeeeep. I cannot wait for Wednesday when I'm home free.

I'm going to a place called On Anon in London on Thursday night, because Lucy works there. She doesn't know I'm coming. I haven't seen her since before Christmas, and I'm gonna tell her the truth. That I really like her, that I haven't ever liked anyone as much as I like her. I have absolutely no idea what she is going to say, but the way my luck with women has been going it probably won't turn out very well. Still, I have to take the chance because I'll kick myself forever if I don't.

Holy fucking tits I'm scared.

Out for a few shites!

I went out into Kingston last night to meet up with some friends from Uni. I got to the club before they did, although I don't have their numbers for some thick reason, so I had no clue where they were and thought I'd end up leaving early, but they got there eventually. We went to the bar and it was about ten to fifteen minutes before I got served. I asked for two pints to save myself going back to the bar for a bit, but the lad said they'd no pint glasses right then so he was going to give me four half-pints. Not wanting to start a fuss (I know all too well what it's like running out of cups in Starbucks, and it makes it worse when customers are pricks about it), I said it was fine. So he came back with four pints. I didn't ask, and then he told me it was 10.50 (I can't find the pound sign on this American laptop). I had no idea how that worked out but I took it anyway. Not wanting to walk around with four pints (and not knowing how) I downed one at the bar and carried three to a table. I was halfway into a second when I got the shakes bad, and somehow managed to knock my own pint out of my own hand, all over my leg. Some lad shouted 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' and I shrugged it off and started on my third.

It was a good twenty-five minutes before my friends Dan and Emma got served which is fucking madness. When they finally did we moved over to the dance floor, and I was pretty drunk at this point and was up for a dance. Pictures were taken and my crotch and arse were grabbed by my gay friend James, in the picture there. It was a gas night all in all.

It's confirmed.

I am a paranoid asshole.

Her phone's been 'on the blink'.

It's snowing!

Today was the first time I've seen snow since the last time I went skiing, which was about two years ago. It was just a light covering and it melted by lunch time, but it was still cool nonetheless. I really like snow, it makes winter what it should be.

It appears that Lucy doesn't want to talk to me. I really don't know why. She said she wanted to hang out in the new year but she won't reply to any messages I send. We haven't talked properly since I told her that I missed her. She didn't even reply to my Happy Christmas text, and I got a 'belated new years' text from her on the 2nd. That was the last thing she sent. This is the worst. It's confusing and downright insulting. I really thought that we had had a great time together, we may aswell have been a proper couple. I was genuinely falling for her.

Is this Karma for leaving and hurting Isabel? I don't believe in Karma but it does seem like this has happened for no reason I can think of. I never said anything that would offend her. We never had an argument.

Either there's some underlying reason like an ex-boyfriend of hers or something, or she's just bat shit fucking mental. And according to my best friend in the whole entire world, all girls are bat shit fucking mental.

Lyrics Blog

I've set up a blog solely for lyrics. It's handy enough for me!

http://drylipsandbrokenribs.blogspot.com/

2009

It's hard to be positive. I'm going to try anyway. If it's not happening then I'm leaving it. It sucks now but I'll get over it.

Last night was a bit weird. One of my brothers friends who's 27 was hitting on me and Aido. It was funny but mad awkward. Like I hadn't seen her in yeeeeeeaaars. Apparently when they were all knocking in to my house for Tom, I'd stroll up to the door and say 'Well hello, ladies!'. I seriously don't remember this. I also got talking to another of Tom's friends who lives in London aswell, and she's into some hardcore which was cool. Now I have a friend I can go to shows with! She's into Sick Of It All and Minor Threat. She hadn't heard of Verse who are one of my favourites, but she'd heard of Forging Friendships though which was cool.

I am disappointed in some people. They should be better friends and not let their best friends do silly things.

The only music that was played all night was 80's power rock. It was odd but funny too. Toto came on and I was happy.

This a dark and cold January 1st. I'm hoping that it's more representative of the year just gone and not the one to come.

I will make 2009 a good year.