DAGGERMOUTH

I ACTUALLY CAN'T GET ENOUGH. GET THE FUCK INTO IT.

All I've got to say is that you guys are all I need!

Writing.

People in Uni seem to enjoy my writing! I'm super happy about that. I've read out a few pieces and I got great feedback on each. I'm really enjoying this. It's making me want to write loads more.
Today I wrote a piece in third person; the first time I've tried it. It was based on me and my ex-girlfriend having lunch in the Louvre in Paris, but I changed it around a bit. The excercise was we had to describe two people sitting down to eat, and try to make it clear about where they were eating without directly saying where it was (by describing architecture, decor blah blah). I'm not sure I've done that but I liked what I wrote. Sure I may aswell put it up here:

Having finally gotten tired of just looking at things, they decided to find somewhere to eat. There was a small little place that was just upstairs from the entrance hall, and it seemed adequate enough to kill their hunger. She grabbed a little metal table that may have been better suited outside a pub, and not in a big cultural building. He joined the queue, looking at the menu above the counter. 'Nothing special' he thought, 'although I wouldn't mind one of those Belgian Waffles'. He returned to her with the food on a tray, and she didn't seem impressed with choice. Pre-packed sandwich's, bottles of Pepsi and two big, Belgian Waffles, covered in chocolate sauce.
"You call that lunch?" she nagged.
"Oh, come on. This is the most impressive sight I've seen today". He began cutting into the waffle.
"You're not even going to have your sandwich first?".
He stared at her, dropped the knife and fork, and reluctantly opened the sandwich.
"I don't understand this place." he said, "You'd think that for somewhere that houses so-called 'fine' art, they'd sell 'fine' food. I was hoping there'd be a Starbucks."
"There is a Starbucks," she told him, "I just didn't want to tell you."
His eyes widened at her. He put the sandwich down and started again with the Belgian Waffle.

I like it. I'm pretty happy with it, like. It may not be great but for the first third person piece I've done, I think it's alright.


I'm going back to Dublin on Monday for the week. I think I'm staying in my Aunt's house, because I don't want to stay in Bayside. It's such a depressing house. Fuck that.
Lucy is going to be in Dublin on Wednesday. That's going to be amazing fun. I can't wait for my friends to meet her, and just hang out like. It'll be class showing her my favourite spots.
Then I'll be going to the Greystones gig on the 9th. I'm super excited for that, I haven't been to a gig in ages!

I got my Wii back. So happy. I can't find Mario Kart though. So pissed. Gah.

See yis.

Ok

Had to edit that last post, said some scandalous shit right there.

So her name is on here now. Oh well. She came over and we had a great buzz. We watched Hot Shots Part Deux (which is class), had a few beers and some pizza. She stayed over too which was great because it meant we got to hang out for longer.

I'm getting so lazy with Uni work. I'm only halfway through Jane Eyre and I was supposed to have read it by last week. I also had A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway to read and I haven't even started it. I hate reading two books at once. Other than that Uni is going well. I've made a friend or two which is grand for me. I'm defo not the type to be everyones mate. Not that I wouldn't want to be haha. I'm just very shy. It also sucks that I'm not into things like football; a lad asked me today who I supported and I was like "Eh...my brother supports Arsenal, so I guess I do...too....". Ugh.

I need a fucking job. I really don't want to go back to Starbucks. I was so sick of it when I left. The only thing that kept me there was the people and obviously it'll be all new people if I start over here. I'm not saying they'll all be pricks or anything. Just it wouldn't be the same. I'd rather get another job. I applied to Banquet Records but they haven't gotten back to me and it's been a while so I guess they're not going to. Oh well.

I just watched the first episode of Dead Set. It's totally fucked up. I've seen zombie stuff before and was never that grossed out or anything, but this really shocked me. Seeing Davina McCall as a zombie was hilarious though haha. I'm not sure I'm in to it, it made my stomach turn a bit. I'm not big into serious TV shows anyway, but the new Futurama film is coming out in a few days and I can't wait! The first new episode was on the other day but it's just the first quarter of the first film so it wasn't anything new, which sucked a bit. Not sure I'll bother watching the rest of the 'new' episodes.


That's all I can think of for now! I have to go make up some notes on Jane Eyre. Gah.

See yiz.

Oh Christ

I'm still drunk from last night. What the fuck. Stayed in nat's apartment in Wandsworth, got up at half 9 but it was really half 8 cuz of the clocks went back and shit. Only home now at 09:52, according to my Slaptop. Shadow needed to take a huge piss. For some reason I imagined her being Mexican, and I thought I'd call her Sanchez if she was. Yeah.
It was a good night. Me and Will went to The Griffin, the strip club we were at at Ed's stag do. It was pretty good, the girls were amazingly good looking. I wanted to get a private dance for the laugh and for a boner but Will said it wasn't worth it. We went toPutney then to meet up with Nats. We waited in the queue for this club for fucking ages. I tried to chat up this girl behind us, and I think it was going ok but then we lost her when we went inside. It would have been a laugh, she was mad pretty.
And anyways, I think Lucy is coming over today and we're gonna watch DVDs and shit. It'll be pretty good.

I have to read Jane the fuck Eyre before tomorrow. I'm being a shit and just not bothering. And then I have to read A Moveable Feast by Hemingway before Wednesday. Gah.
But yeah.

Hallowe'en

I always get excited for Hallowe'en. I have no idea why. I haven't had an enjoyable one since I was young and trick or treating. Since I've been a bit older I always assume I'll have a class costume, get drunk with my friends and have an amazing night. It has never once turned out like that. Halloween is fucking shit. The only reason anyone older than 16 likes it is because it makes you feel a bit younger (although why a 16 year old needs to feel younger is beyond me). I do miss dressing up and walking around my estate at night with all my friends, getting free sweets and one time even money! I've yet to have a good Halloween as an adult so I'm gonna remain cynical until I do. Fuck Halloween.

In my moment of mental clarity...

It's weird how one person can totally change how you feel. This time a month ago I was a wreck. Filled with regret, and upset and depressed beyond anywhere I'd ever reached before.
Then I met someone, and now I feel totally different.
I have that exciting feeling in my chest, which is a more than welcome replacement to the dismal weight that was there before.
I smile when I think of her. It's all coming together, I think.
I'm the happiest I've been since the start of the summer.

If you're reading this (you know who you are), then you deserve to be happy aswell.
Take a chance. I know how you feel right now and I'm worried about you. I wish I was there for you.

Duuuuuuuuublin.

What a weird weekend. The party on Friday was bizarre. I had the buzz seeing everyone again and shit, but some people were being vicious cunts and ruined a good few peoples buzz. Especially my friend Mark who knew pretty much just me, Sos and Aido. Loads of people were like 'who's this randomer' making him feel very unwelcome. It was fucked.
Anyway the less said about that the better I think.
Dublin is shite. The weather sucks (I know London isn't much better though), the transport is horrible and I just had what felt like a very boring, lonely weekend. I actually started to wish I was back in London yesterday. At least in London I have Uni, and I can chat away to an amazing girl.
Hopefully I'll have a better time in Dublin when I'm back in two weeks. It'll definitely be better when this girl is over too (I really don't want to write her name up here, it feels weird). Anyway I'm in the airport and about to run out of time on this internet box thing lad.

Post more buzz later.

And so...

...it was class. She's so cool. I really like her a lot. I know I said that I didn't want to be in a relationship, but I don't know...she really is great. We spent the whole night talking about almost everything. I made the stupid mistake of bringing up ex's which I don't think she liked but we moved quickly on and things were fine. She's really interesting and funny and we get on well. She's so pretty aswell. I don't think she likes it when I say cheesy things though haha. I'm very cheesy. We got quite close when I was waiting for the bus. I purposely missed the first bus just so we could hang out a bit longer and I'm glad I did.
Gah, I'm just really pleased right now. This was a huuuge step forward. I'm seeing her again soon and I can't wait.

Go me.

Date Night!

I'm leaving in 15 minutes. Gah I'm so fucking nervous! Christ I hope I recognise her...

Fuck.

Excitable probabilities.

I'm going on a 'date' tomorrow! I haven't been on one in over two years, and that was my first date with my ex. We were already going out and all haha. I'm excited though. A bit nervous aswell, because I'm getting all those anxious thoughts like 'What if I can't think of anything to say' or 'What if she doesn't actually like me' blah de blah. I'm sure it'll be fine though. The only thing is that I'm really not in the place for a relationship right now. I still think about my ex a bit. I don't think I'm in love with her anymore, but I still miss her. It still hurts to think of her. I hope she understands this and doesn't hate me or something.
Anyway, I have no idea what we're doing. She's said she'll show me around London and then I have to show her around Kingston and Dublin, because she'll be in Dublin in November while I'm there too!! That's gonna be a lot of fun. I just want to have some fun right now, and she seems like a lot of fun. She's amazing, actually. Intelligent, funny and gorgeous. When I first met her in a bar in London, it was dark and I was drunk, so I can't picture her in my mind. I do remember thinking that she was really pretty though, and everyone else who was with me that night has said she's 'hot' or 'fit as chips, mate'. So I'm really happy with this.

I'll let you know.

Mixed Feelings

So my emotional meter has been flicking back and forth for a while now, and in the past day or two I've felt two amazing feelings at the same time. Anger, in all it's blissful extremity, makes me feel happy with myself. I need a healthy dose of anger to make me feel better. I'm angry. Who the recipient of this anger is, is a murky question. Obviously these feelings have stemmed from the whole break up. I'm angry for having lost someone who was so close to me, angry that she's with other people, seeing them in ways that she used to see me. I'm angry because I'm literally forcing myself not to speak to her, when it's all I want to do, and I'm angry that she herself isn't speaking to me.
What is so strange is that it makes me want to laugh. It's actually making me feel better, because I'm no longer sad. I'm angry. Sadness has taken it's seat once more and happiness is getting it's chance to take the stage, backing up the anger.
I'm sure it's all to do the multitude of people I've met recently, and one in particular who I'm really excited about. There'll be more on that later I'm sure.
For now, the shit battery on my laptop has 5% remaining and I'm not arsed looking for the charger.

See yis.

Holy shit!

I've met a girl. Wow. This is an amazing feeling.

I can't think of a title.

Oh fuck I hate break ups. Not that anyone likes them, but I really hate them. I should just try to avoid them better in the future...
It's like I want to move on so much but I can't. Agggghhhh it's fucking with my head. I keep going on to her webpages and stuff, which is just making it worse. It's like a blister in your mouth. You should just leave it the fuck alone but you can't help poking it with your tongue.
I want to know everything about what's going on with her right now; how she feels, what she's been doing, all the stupid little insignificant things that happen throughout her day that she barely pays attention to so I can hold on to them and feel that they're ours.
I've thought about it and I think even though I'll get over the break up, I don't think I'll ever get over the relationship. After these three years in London and I go back to Dublin, I'd love it for us to get back together. There was nothing wrong with the relationship; we barely ever fought and when we did, we never raised our voices or got snappy. It was mostly just disagreements and we'd be annoyed for a bit but then we'd both say it's silly to argue and get over it. We always had a laugh and were always able to talk about something interesting. I was never bored and I don't think she was either. Any problems were never ones that we created. I'd say the main (or only, really) problem was the distance, and it wasn't even that much.
I've never been so angry at myself for anything as I am for the mistake that I made. It won't leave me. The wound still remains and the scar will never fade.


What can you do when you feel like growing up is catching up on you?
I feel replace in a place I'm not a part of in a way I can't erase.
Piece by piece watch it break off.
This morning streets were lined with enemies
and I never wanted to leave so badly.
To you this promise I'll make, without you I'd never sleep.
I've changed as much as I can.

The Carrier

I literally just got into them in the last half an hour. They're class, plus they're playing in Fibbers in January. Hopefully they'll be selling this t-shirt:

It's an unbelivable shirt. Fuck. I want it.

Fuck's sake.

Good fuck I need someone. Anyone. Anyone to know, to talk to, to obsess over, to think about constantly. I definitely need that. It's just who I am.

Wheh.