Booze, Sex, Coco Pops and The IT Crowd

Four things that I like.

Mr Motivator

I went to the Gym today! It's the first time I've ever been. It was a free One Day pass to the Gym where Will is already a member so he brought me along. We started off on the rowing machines. It was tough. A nice way to start though, get the arms and legs working and it tones your stomach I think.
Then we started chin ups. I'd never seen a Chin Up machine before, there were weights on it and you should be able to lift your own body weight. I did ten chin ups and when I got off, I seriously thought I was about to faint. My arms felt energyless and my head was spinning like a fucking Dradel or some shit. I took a quick breather and drank a load of Lucozade sport.
After that we moved on to weights. I have no idea what weight I lifted but they weren't that heavy. Will got me to do ten reps. The first five were piss, but as I tried to lift the sixth, I felt a huge strain. I got to ten but I was seriously dead at that point. I took a minute break and then did ten more reps. The same thing happened again - I could lift the first five no problem but the last five were tough. It happened each time I tried, so I just started doing five at a time instead of ten.
Then we did some floor excercises. I did some pull ups, but I'd never really done them properly before. I thought you literally just pull yourself up to your knees, but apparently the trick is to use your stomach to pull your face 'toward the cieling'. You don't go the full way to your knees.
I did a few of those and then some press ups. Then we did this thing called Planking, where you get into a press up position, but you hold yourself up on your knees and elbows for 30 seconds. It was fucking horrible.
Then we used the treadmills. I did a steady jog for five minutes and it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I started to get horrible shooting pains in my chest halfway through, but they subsided quickly. I haven't breathed so easily in a long time and it felt amazing.
We did some more weights and then I spent ten minutes on a Bike machine. I worked up a fucking storm of a sweat, and then I had a lovely cool shower.
I haven't felt this great in a while! I'm totally exhausted but at least I'm starting to get fit. I'm probably gonna ache tomorrow though haha.

Not much else has been happening. My big bro Steve is coming over here for his Birthday and it's gonna be a fucking blast! He's the best fun ever so I can't wait.
I've been writing some hardcore stuff for that band I practiced with. Hopefully they'll end up sounding good and not slow and shit.

Ugh.

I've been feeling like shit on and off for the past two days. I seriously don't know what it is. One minute I'm fine and feeling good, then out of nowhere I get into this horrible mood. I don't feel like I want to do anything, and everything I do seems contrived or boring. Take just now; I was down the pub with Will. We had one drink and played two games of pool. I had fun, I laughed at how bad I am at pool. Now we're home and I feel shit again. I 'feel' tired but I know I'm not tired.

Is this depression?

I guarantee I'll look at this again tomorrow and think 'I feel fine, why did I post this'.

Ugh....maybe this has something to do with a feeling of guilt I have right now. I don't want to have a girlfriend, but I seem to keep moving deeper and deeper into this thing with Lucy. She's really cool, and we have fun together, but I still don't want a girlfriend. How the fuck am I supposed to tell her that. It's almost like we're going out right now, it would be like a break up if I told her. How in the fuck did I get myself into this situation again so quickly.

Fuck my life.

Indecision

Maybe it's that I'm just having a hard time seeing you get by.
But lately I've felt less and less like I want to try.

Switching between happiness and frustration,
with direction coming from every side.
It's all laid out and the paths are clear,
so why do I keep going back to hide?

I'm starting to hate how I feel inside,
Hate what is still fucking true.
I hate that it's getting easier to admit
That I still think of you.

Cleaning

I don't know why I keep putting it off. My room is now clean and it looks class and I feel like I have space to breathe. Except my room smells like arse because I love to fart, so it's not nice to breathe.

I was in the shower just now and I conditioned my beard. It doesn't feel much softer, but there's definitely a difference. I haven't a clue how I'm gonna look with this moustache. I keep looking in the mirror and blocking out the beard with my hands but it doesn't make a difference. People on Moshspace keep complaining about neck hair and even hair under their eyes, but my neck hair doesn't bother me and I don't get hair under my eyes at all...

All I Need Is A Pair Of The Robot Devil's Hands.

Is it silly to say I feel unfulfilled? There's so much to do in the world. I feel like I have something inside of me that is just bursting with creativity and I haven't let it out yet. I feel like Fry in that episode of Futurama where he trades his hands with the Robot Devil, because he had 'stupid fingers'. I'd fucking love a Holophoner.

Ok, plans for life that I MUST complete before I'm 30:

Climb a mountain - definitely the top of the list. A big mountain, too. Maybe not Everest, that's a fucking push, haha. My cousin recently climbed Kilamanjaro (sp?) and he proposed to his girlfriend at the top. What a nice dude. I'm glad she said yes, otherwise that would have been an awkward descent.

Visit at least 15 countries I've never been to before now - I was out with my other cousins last night and they were talking about when they went to Thailand and Cambodia and all sorts, and I got so jealous. I need to do more travelling. So far I've been to England (heh), France, Spain, Belgium, Italy, Greece and America. Each of those were holidays, and I had fun, but I didn't see the real countries. I'd love to go on a driving trip (or a tour, depending how serious my bands get) through the countryside of each.

Learn to Scuba Dive - something I've wanted to do for years now. I used to love diving around rocks in Spain with a snorkel and shit, looking at all the little fish. To do it properly would be awesome. I'd go to Australia or New Zealand or wherever, and just look at fish all fucking day. I love the game Endless Ocean.

Record and release an Album - something that quite a lot of people do these days, and I've always wanted to do it. The last thing I played on that was released was the Almost Cliché/Skeptik Tank split. It was a lot of fun at the time, and I loved recording it. I don't think we were altogether that serious about it though (Skep, anyway), and I'm not fond of those songs anymore. As much as I love and respect The Hive, I'd like to record in a professional - for lack of a better word - studio. It just excites me thinking about it.

SKY DIVE! - it would scare the pants off me but it'd would be amazing.

I'll surely think of more. One thing I'd like to do but I'm not desperate to do is publish something. A book, more than anything. I have had great feedback on all my creative work in Uni so far and it's really encouraging.

I've started to miss home again. Since I've moved to England, I've got into hardcore more and more, but while I was in Ireland I wasn't that into it. It's sucky irony, because I'm missing amazing gigs and the chance to finally connect with people on Moshspace. I'd love to be in Fibbers with everyone. I'm gonna be missing Have Heart and Verse which sucks tits. I already missed Comeback Kid earlier in the year, and they're one of my favourite bands now. I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to get to The Carrier gig in January. My ma is all 'but you'll be in Ireland for New Years, you can't afford it'. Fuck that, if I book now then surely I can afford it. I need a job, though. Hah.

I also want to practice with Rubes so much! The last time was amazing, we got a very short set done and everything, made a good effort with the start of another song and we're just sounding better than ever. I hate to wank my own dick but I really think people are gonna like us. I'm still undecided on the singing end, though.
I haven't a clue what the story is with Vicious Dig. It'll be a shame if it dies, because it has a lot of potential.

I went out last week to practice with a band over here. They were looking for a bassist so I gave it a shot. The lads were super, super nice. They're into all the same music and are definitely people I could hang with. Unfortunately, the music was shite. It was meant to be straight up hardcore, but the drummer just couldn't gain sufficient speed. He also couldn't grasp odd timing; I played a riff I thought would work great with this little stoppy bit at the start, but he just couldn't get it. In the end it was simplified down and sounded like arse. It was slow, basic and boring. The singer was a young dude of 17. He was cool, although his singing wasn't great but then he's only young and he gave it loads so I'm sure he'll improve. The guitarist wasn't great, his riffs were really unoriginal and repetitive. I was so disappointed.
There was one song that sounded like The Carrier and I was excited to hear it, but after we ran through it a few times it ended up boring aswell.
It made me realise that I really don't like playing bass. For me, it's not as creative or fun.
I said I'd practice with them again in two weeks time, but if I can't see any potential I'll back out.

This has ran on too long.
Peace.

FUCK BLOGGER

IT JUST DELETED MY WHOLE POST. AGHHHHH.

WE'RE ALL A BUNCH OF PRETENTIOUS PRICKS

I love Blakfish. Some dicks stole their gear out of their car, right after the played a charity gig. Sucky irony. I'm gonna try and make it out to this one. Brontide are playing too and they're amazing, so I'm sure the rest of the bands playing are class. I'm looking them up right now. Colour are nice. Jose Vanders seems really nice too, nice Sigur Rós vibe goin on. My First Tooth seem really nice too. These are all nice bands. Not really rockin', but nice. I can't find Scholar, I can only find Rappers and stuff...hmmm. Can't find Tape The Radio either. Buh.
I'm sure it'll be class anyways. I love the flyer though.

Sos from Chewing On Tinfoil

Bezzie mate '04. Never fails to make me laugh uncontrollably, and always makes sure I'm havin' the buzz when we're out cuz he knows how shy I am, and how terrible I am at talking to people. Him being in Rubes makes it what it is, I could never imagine not being in a band with him. Even if it was just me and him playing nothing but dischords with Crust vocals, it would still be the best buzz ever. He got me into pretty much every band I listen to these days, directly or indirectly.

I remember we became mates in 3rd year Maths class with Mr. Hannon (who turned out to love child porn). He took the piss out of me because I didn't get into the pit at Metallica but he did, and he even drew a picture of the RDS and pointed out where he was in the pit, and where I was behind it. Then the next year at Metallica he had a broken thumb so he couldn't go in the pit, but I did. Hah. Then we started a ska punk band called Rufty and fucked up the website of a rival band at school. They were dopes though so it's cool. He wrote our first riff, and he still writes about 80 - 90% of the music in our band. Then I write a small bit and he goes mad with it and writes loads of stuff around it.

We weren't friends for about a year because he didn't like my girlfriend. But now we're bezzie mates again and we kill girls and do all sorts of horrible drugs.

Waking Up Early

I woke up at about half 5 this morning. I've had this weird chesty cough the last couple of days, and I keep waking up mad early, finding it difficult to breathe. I went to get a drink of milk cuz that usually makes me feel better, but we didn't have any. Instead I had some Pineapple squash. It wasn't the best idea. It didn't help me at all and it also gave me awful heartburn. Fuck's sake.

So now I'm up. It's for the best I think, because I have to hand in an assignment today that I forgot to do, so now I can do it. I'm not in until 3 and it's only 250 words long, so it should be a breeze.

I went to a club night called New Slang in Kingston last night. It was pretty deadly. There were 3 bands playing. The first band were called Brontide and they were class. Check 'em out. Really excellent live. Tight as fuck and mad energetic. I can't remember the name of the second band, but I wasn't into them much anyway. Indie pop rock stuff. Meh. Then the headliners were Dananananakroyd. It's a pretty class name, and they were actually pretty good aswell. They seemed a bit like dicks though. At one point the singer jumped into the crowd and everyone started push-moshing. He just started shouting "STOP FUCKING MOSHING" over and over which I thought was hilarious. Then he just started giving out to everyone, saying "MOSHING IS FOR LOSERS". I'd have loved to go up and start windmilling but I'm shit at it and would have made a tit of myself haha. Then halfway through they told everyone to make a split down the middle, but they said "This isn't the Wall of Death. The Wall of Death is for LOSERS. Instead of running into each other, on the count of 4 you're going to HUG each other. This is the Wall of CUDDLES". So they counted to 4 and everyone hugged each other. It was actually pretty funny, but looked just as uncomfortable as a Wall of Death, cuz everyone was squashed into one another. Later on they made everyone do the split again but this time they got them to hold hands together and make an arch, then told people to run through it because they were 'Ordained ministers' and were going to marry people. They a lot of fun live, but I can bet they're stuck up their own holes.
On way out I went and bought this:

I didn't get the Minor Threat reference straight away but it's a cool shirt nonetheless. White T-shirts are the best.
When I was buying it I got talking to one of the Banquet Records lads because I'd overheard him talking about Adebisis Shank. I told him I'd played with them once with Skeptik Tank, and apparently he'd heard of Skep too. I have no idea how, we never played in the UK or even plugged ourselves here at all. It was pretty cool though. I told him about Moshspace anyways and he said he'd check it out, but who knows.

I have to go an do a SHITLOAD of washing and cleaning, and also try to do my assignment...ugh. I probably won't get it done after all.

Few shites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ONE

Rubes practice was fucking amazing. We have two full songs down with an intro. We're gonna finish one more (which is already on the way) and then record our demo. I seriously cannot wait for that. The last time I recorded was with Vicious Dig, and that was with bass. I have no fun with bass. So recording for Rubes is going to be mental. We may get someone else to sing, though. I've had enough with having to write lyrics and think of melodies. Plus, I'm just not a good singer. It'll be fun trying to find someone.
I think I may also be joining a band (or two!) over here. I've had a few offers to join some bands on a hardcore punk forum. I've accepted one so far, and me and this lad (who I haven't met yet...) are gonna form a pop punk band. Ah yeah.

But here, I'm going to bed.

As Awkward as a Double Hawk

For some lame reason, everytime I'm at a gig or something, I find it really difficult to talk to people that I have no trouble talking to on the net. I'm not sure what it is, maybe I'm afraid I'll have nothing to say and they'll think I'm a dope or something. Ugh I fucking hate it. If anyone's reading this and thinks that I do it on purpose, I don't. I'm just shy, I guess. I'd love to be outgoing and the life and soul of the party but I'm just not....boo hoo.

Anywise, this week hass actually been pretty great. I've gone out loads with my best mates Sos and Aido, saw my other best mates Al and Levi for a little bit and the same with other various good friends, had so much fun on Wednesday with all the lads in Antics and then we ran into Lucy and her friend which was fucking class and just made the week, really. Went to a 21st last night with class bands playing and had as much fun as I could even though I was seriously exhuasted from the previous couple of days. Tonight I think I'll be back in town, although I'm hanging out in Michelles for a bit first for some drinks with people I haven't seen yet.

Then tomorrow Rubes are practicing and I can't wait. I'm seriously excited about this band; I'm really enjoying the music we're making and I think for the first time since we've played together, we're actually all listening to the same bands right now so we should be able to work well. I'm hoping we'll record a 3-track demo that we'll bate around the place for free. I think we've come a long way from playing ska punk songs that all sounded the same.

Well there we are then.

3 EURO THRASH METAL THURSDAY

Fibbers is bleedin' shite, but I had the buzz there last night. I just drank Kopparberg all night and have minimal hangover so it's grand.

I don't know what to say.

Except I'm feeling super happy lately. I can't wait to get back to London....

Coming Home Again

I'm going back to Dublin tomorrow for the week. I'm not too sure what to think, really. I booked it weeks ago when I was mad homesick and shit. When I was back the last time, I had a kind of shitty buzz. I really hope this week is better, otherwise I won't be going back as often as I thought. There's just no point. Dublin is fucking shit. I'm gonna try really hard this week to hang out with as many people as possible at whatever time though. I might see my Great Aunt too, I haven't seen her in ages. She's old enough but still full of life, and she's hilarious and just a super sweet lady too. Plus she's from Cork so her accent is amazing.

I've had an amazing idea for a story. I'd love to make it into a book but I still have to flesh it out a bit. As it is it's just an idea, with nothing else around it. I'm gonna have to figure out character, setting, blah blah blah. I'm really happy with the idea though, I don't think it's ever been done before. I've thought of a title and everything: Endless. Get fucked if you think I'm putting anything else about it up here!

So the ol' lovelife has picked up a good bit. I'm totally undecided whether I want to be in a relationship again. It's probably a good idea not to start another so soon. I think I've just been so excited to be with someone again that I thought I wanted more than I really did. It reminds me of when I was talking to my mate Rita about me meeting new girls, and she said that Sos said of me "The next girl Chris meets, he'll end up in a relationship with for another three years". I laughed about it at the time, but I can't help feeling that he's totally right. I'm so obsessed with having a serious relationship that I can't imagine being single and being with loads of different girls. So I need to do just that and play the fucking field.

I've been thinking about getting a couple of tattoos. I've been against it for years because of my eczema. I thought that if I ever scratched over a tattoo too hard that I would scar myself and ruin the tattoo. I don't think I care anymore though. I can always get a touch up.
I want to get one that says "In Friends We Trust" after a lyric in a Daggermouth song, and another that says "The Possibilities Are Endless!" after a song by The Steal (and it's just a nice thing to remember, too).