Christmas

Christmas in Spain was fun. I got a digital camera, which I was chuffed about cos I've never had a camera, so I'm gonna take a million pictures now.

I'm home in Dublin again. It's been fun aswell.

I'm still in a fucking shitty mood though over what happened with me and Lucy. I'm not even totally sure what happened, but the last time we were texting I told her that I missed her, and I haven't heard from her since. That was well over a week ago. I don't know what the fuck is going on. I even sent her a happy christmas text and she didn't reply.

If there are any girls reading this can you please tell me why you do things like this.

New Years will be boring, I bet.

Vicious Teeth

I'm seriously fucking fed up to my teeth with girls. When I think about it, every time I've been involved with a girl in the last 5 years it has ended up, sooner or later, fucked.

I was so excited about this time. In all honesty I don't think I've ever felt this strongly about a girl before, and it ended before it could begin. I don't know why I try anymore.

Fuck girls, fuck love and fuck everyone but me.

Tote Lame

So, I felt like making 'the girl that I was just seeing' into my girlfriend. Before I could say anything, she says I live too far away and she'll be too busy next year for a proper relationship. I lied and said I felt the same.

Ugh.

Lyrics

So it seems
Once again I have relied on subtlty.
A half sincere and forced apology.
I'll never be the man I want to be.

I've inflated my ego enough to float
I tried swallowing my pride
(it got caught in my throat).

If I ever get past this with dignity and respect
Expect the smile I've deserved since I left.

----------------------------------------------

My ribcage is now the only thing suffering from my heartbeat pounding.
I'm happier than I had planned to be.
The turn of events is sleeping beside me.

2008

January - It's difficult thinking all the way back. I pretty much did nothing but work. My mam and little brother moved to England and I moved in with my older brother.

February - Paris! Disneyland twice haha, and then more work...

March & April - Work...I really didn't do much else.

May - Went to England for a few days, had an operation on my toe which gave me an unexpected week off work. Then like a week later I went to the US!

June - More of the US. Then more work, and starting to think about Uni.

July - It all kicks off. Decided England was a better choice for me in many respects, went through a break up, reconnected with my friends and moved back home with my Dad for a few weeks before heading to the UK.

August - 20th birthday. Finished up in Starbucks and went to Fibbers for the first time ever. Had a little leaving party, and then moved to London.

September - Spent much of this month getting over the break up (I was too busy in August to let it hit me) and sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Went to Spain for a couple of days with Will, got drunk and kissed some girl from Swords. First day of Uni on the 22nd, kissed a girl during Freshers week who I haven't seen since...

October - Pretty much just went to Uni most of the time. Somewhere near the end of the month, I met Lucy :)

November - Uni, going out, visits home, practicing with that band and hanging out with Lucy.

December - No less than four birthdays, finally getting some proper work done and...a slight feeling of worry. More on that next year....

Only Of You.

I should stop writing in a way that makes me sound like I don't or have never cared.
Of course I care.
Blame my horrendous ego (which I'm sure you've since recognised).
So, because I am not half the man I should be (or like to come across as), this my subtle apology for being a dick.
As soon as I get over myself, I'll smile for you.

DISCO DANCING

I've been feeling strange lately. I'm starting to settle really well now; I've got a few friends that are fun to hang around with, my creativity has started to bloom, I'm hopefully getting some kind of band started and to top it off I'm having the most fun with the coolest girl I've ever known.

So I when I hear (or read) something that months ago would have made me feel like shit and I think 'I don't care. At all.', I'm overwhelmed with powerful feelings that I've never felt before. Sometimes it feels like anger, and other times it feels like super-happiness.

I can't express this in words. All I know is that I feel it most when I'm listening to something really heavy.

Hmmm.

Is it weird to be scared of how you feel? Even if it's a good feeling?

When I think of her I get a strange feeling...I hate to be a walking cliché but I've never felt it before. There's no way it's love. It's only been two months. Blah blah blah love is unpredictable or some other sappy bollocks, but I'm almost certain it's not.

Almost.

Fuck.

Fucking English

I really thought I'd lap up this whole English Lit course, but it's been a real disappointment. I'm loving Creative Writing, but EL has been kinda boring and the work is fucking piling up. For one module alone, I have to write two Close Reading Analysis (both 500 words with Peer Reviews), summarise an event (500 words), a 'Paragraphing' Excercise (I have to rewrite three paragraphs and circle 'connecting' words or some bullshit), a 'Mapping Introduction' (basically write the Introduction for my essay) and then a Discovery Essay (1500 words). That's 3000+ words for one fucking module alone. The other module for English Lit isn't so bad. I only have to write an Essay of 1500 words for a pretty vague topic, along with 100 word notes on each book so that should be fine.
For Creative writing, I have to write five books reviews (300 words each) which is gonna be grand. So far I've written only two. For the other CW module it's two creative pieces (750 words each; I have one completed that's 900+ words and the other is on its way), two critical analysis of short stories (250 words each) and keep a Journal.

I was reading one of my EL textbooks about Beginnings, and it was all bullshit like 'What, or where is the beginning? Is it at the start of the book? Is it when the writer puts pen to paper (or, to be sure, takes the first keystroke of a keyboard)? Or when the reader picks up the book oh who gives a fucking shit. Get on with it for fuck's sakes. Yeah that's right, I'm not gonna close the quotation. I'm mad. It pissed me off so much, and I have to read like ten chapters of it before the end of the year because I was lazy and stupid and didn't pick up the book before now. Fuck it. I don't care. They can get fucked with the amount of work they've given to first years, who without doubt are going to be lazy fucks who really don't care yet. If they're surprised by the quality of the work handed in then they have no memory of being a fresher. Even one of my tutors thinks it's too much work, but won't say anything to the heads of the module. Ugh.

Anyway. Started listening to Refused again. Amazing band. Definitely get into it if you haven't.

Alone

I just got home about an hour ago and my family aren't in, and I don't know where they are. Boo.

Lovely Naps

I was KNACKERED today. Wednesdays and Thursdays are my only early starts in Uni and I (try to) get up at 7. I went to the Library earlier during my two hour break to start reading Slaughterhouse 5, and I was drifting off halfway through. I had a bottle of Pepsi to get some caffeine in to me but who knows if that shit actually helps. I woke up a little bit before the break was over and got through a good 1/3 of the book. It's pretty deadly, but really strange. All sorts of talk about time travel and aliens and such.
So I had a lecture then afterwards and I was totally awake for the whole two hours (and I even made a nice new friend), but when I got home I just crashed out and slept a good five hours. I'm still pretty tired now, but I guarantee I won't sleep well tonight. I'm not in Uni until three though so it'll be graaaaaaaaaaaand.

Holy fucking tits I am excited to go home for New Year. Not for the event itself, because it usually fucking sucks, but because we're gonna record a Rubes demo. The lads did one song just guitars and drums, and it sounds alright. It was recorded on a shitty little recording desk, so I was major impressed with the sound they got out of it. It's gonna be a lot of fun.

I am a dick. Verse are playing in London tonight and I totally forgot. Too late now. UUUGGHH.

Oh well. I hanging out with Lucy tomorrow night, that'll make up for it. And then my big bro Ste Fago is stallin' the buzz to London next Monday for his birthday shenanigans! It's gonna be classsssssss. Come to London everyone.

Joni Mitchell was on the ball.

So today I woke up at 12. I don't have college until 3 and I usually leave the house at 2 so it was a good time to wake up. Except I did not feel like going to college in the slightest.
I've been feeling really uninspired without a close circle of friends. It'd be nice to have one over here, but the truth is I just can't imagine making friends closer to me than the ones I've left behind. A lot of the time when I was home, I wouldn't go out because I'm something of a recluse. I enjoy my privacy and sometimes I really like being on my own. But now I really wish I had gone out more. I bet I missed a lot of amazing times.

I need a fucking job, so I can have money, so I can go to more gigs over here and book flights home on a whim.

Booze, Sex, Coco Pops and The IT Crowd

Four things that I like.

Mr Motivator

I went to the Gym today! It's the first time I've ever been. It was a free One Day pass to the Gym where Will is already a member so he brought me along. We started off on the rowing machines. It was tough. A nice way to start though, get the arms and legs working and it tones your stomach I think.
Then we started chin ups. I'd never seen a Chin Up machine before, there were weights on it and you should be able to lift your own body weight. I did ten chin ups and when I got off, I seriously thought I was about to faint. My arms felt energyless and my head was spinning like a fucking Dradel or some shit. I took a quick breather and drank a load of Lucozade sport.
After that we moved on to weights. I have no idea what weight I lifted but they weren't that heavy. Will got me to do ten reps. The first five were piss, but as I tried to lift the sixth, I felt a huge strain. I got to ten but I was seriously dead at that point. I took a minute break and then did ten more reps. The same thing happened again - I could lift the first five no problem but the last five were tough. It happened each time I tried, so I just started doing five at a time instead of ten.
Then we did some floor excercises. I did some pull ups, but I'd never really done them properly before. I thought you literally just pull yourself up to your knees, but apparently the trick is to use your stomach to pull your face 'toward the cieling'. You don't go the full way to your knees.
I did a few of those and then some press ups. Then we did this thing called Planking, where you get into a press up position, but you hold yourself up on your knees and elbows for 30 seconds. It was fucking horrible.
Then we used the treadmills. I did a steady jog for five minutes and it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I started to get horrible shooting pains in my chest halfway through, but they subsided quickly. I haven't breathed so easily in a long time and it felt amazing.
We did some more weights and then I spent ten minutes on a Bike machine. I worked up a fucking storm of a sweat, and then I had a lovely cool shower.
I haven't felt this great in a while! I'm totally exhausted but at least I'm starting to get fit. I'm probably gonna ache tomorrow though haha.

Not much else has been happening. My big bro Steve is coming over here for his Birthday and it's gonna be a fucking blast! He's the best fun ever so I can't wait.
I've been writing some hardcore stuff for that band I practiced with. Hopefully they'll end up sounding good and not slow and shit.

Ugh.

I've been feeling like shit on and off for the past two days. I seriously don't know what it is. One minute I'm fine and feeling good, then out of nowhere I get into this horrible mood. I don't feel like I want to do anything, and everything I do seems contrived or boring. Take just now; I was down the pub with Will. We had one drink and played two games of pool. I had fun, I laughed at how bad I am at pool. Now we're home and I feel shit again. I 'feel' tired but I know I'm not tired.

Is this depression?

I guarantee I'll look at this again tomorrow and think 'I feel fine, why did I post this'.

Ugh....maybe this has something to do with a feeling of guilt I have right now. I don't want to have a girlfriend, but I seem to keep moving deeper and deeper into this thing with Lucy. She's really cool, and we have fun together, but I still don't want a girlfriend. How the fuck am I supposed to tell her that. It's almost like we're going out right now, it would be like a break up if I told her. How in the fuck did I get myself into this situation again so quickly.

Fuck my life.

Indecision

Maybe it's that I'm just having a hard time seeing you get by.
But lately I've felt less and less like I want to try.

Switching between happiness and frustration,
with direction coming from every side.
It's all laid out and the paths are clear,
so why do I keep going back to hide?

I'm starting to hate how I feel inside,
Hate what is still fucking true.
I hate that it's getting easier to admit
That I still think of you.

Cleaning

I don't know why I keep putting it off. My room is now clean and it looks class and I feel like I have space to breathe. Except my room smells like arse because I love to fart, so it's not nice to breathe.

I was in the shower just now and I conditioned my beard. It doesn't feel much softer, but there's definitely a difference. I haven't a clue how I'm gonna look with this moustache. I keep looking in the mirror and blocking out the beard with my hands but it doesn't make a difference. People on Moshspace keep complaining about neck hair and even hair under their eyes, but my neck hair doesn't bother me and I don't get hair under my eyes at all...

All I Need Is A Pair Of The Robot Devil's Hands.

Is it silly to say I feel unfulfilled? There's so much to do in the world. I feel like I have something inside of me that is just bursting with creativity and I haven't let it out yet. I feel like Fry in that episode of Futurama where he trades his hands with the Robot Devil, because he had 'stupid fingers'. I'd fucking love a Holophoner.

Ok, plans for life that I MUST complete before I'm 30:

Climb a mountain - definitely the top of the list. A big mountain, too. Maybe not Everest, that's a fucking push, haha. My cousin recently climbed Kilamanjaro (sp?) and he proposed to his girlfriend at the top. What a nice dude. I'm glad she said yes, otherwise that would have been an awkward descent.

Visit at least 15 countries I've never been to before now - I was out with my other cousins last night and they were talking about when they went to Thailand and Cambodia and all sorts, and I got so jealous. I need to do more travelling. So far I've been to England (heh), France, Spain, Belgium, Italy, Greece and America. Each of those were holidays, and I had fun, but I didn't see the real countries. I'd love to go on a driving trip (or a tour, depending how serious my bands get) through the countryside of each.

Learn to Scuba Dive - something I've wanted to do for years now. I used to love diving around rocks in Spain with a snorkel and shit, looking at all the little fish. To do it properly would be awesome. I'd go to Australia or New Zealand or wherever, and just look at fish all fucking day. I love the game Endless Ocean.

Record and release an Album - something that quite a lot of people do these days, and I've always wanted to do it. The last thing I played on that was released was the Almost Cliché/Skeptik Tank split. It was a lot of fun at the time, and I loved recording it. I don't think we were altogether that serious about it though (Skep, anyway), and I'm not fond of those songs anymore. As much as I love and respect The Hive, I'd like to record in a professional - for lack of a better word - studio. It just excites me thinking about it.

SKY DIVE! - it would scare the pants off me but it'd would be amazing.

I'll surely think of more. One thing I'd like to do but I'm not desperate to do is publish something. A book, more than anything. I have had great feedback on all my creative work in Uni so far and it's really encouraging.

I've started to miss home again. Since I've moved to England, I've got into hardcore more and more, but while I was in Ireland I wasn't that into it. It's sucky irony, because I'm missing amazing gigs and the chance to finally connect with people on Moshspace. I'd love to be in Fibbers with everyone. I'm gonna be missing Have Heart and Verse which sucks tits. I already missed Comeback Kid earlier in the year, and they're one of my favourite bands now. I'm gonna try my fucking hardest to get to The Carrier gig in January. My ma is all 'but you'll be in Ireland for New Years, you can't afford it'. Fuck that, if I book now then surely I can afford it. I need a job, though. Hah.

I also want to practice with Rubes so much! The last time was amazing, we got a very short set done and everything, made a good effort with the start of another song and we're just sounding better than ever. I hate to wank my own dick but I really think people are gonna like us. I'm still undecided on the singing end, though.
I haven't a clue what the story is with Vicious Dig. It'll be a shame if it dies, because it has a lot of potential.

I went out last week to practice with a band over here. They were looking for a bassist so I gave it a shot. The lads were super, super nice. They're into all the same music and are definitely people I could hang with. Unfortunately, the music was shite. It was meant to be straight up hardcore, but the drummer just couldn't gain sufficient speed. He also couldn't grasp odd timing; I played a riff I thought would work great with this little stoppy bit at the start, but he just couldn't get it. In the end it was simplified down and sounded like arse. It was slow, basic and boring. The singer was a young dude of 17. He was cool, although his singing wasn't great but then he's only young and he gave it loads so I'm sure he'll improve. The guitarist wasn't great, his riffs were really unoriginal and repetitive. I was so disappointed.
There was one song that sounded like The Carrier and I was excited to hear it, but after we ran through it a few times it ended up boring aswell.
It made me realise that I really don't like playing bass. For me, it's not as creative or fun.
I said I'd practice with them again in two weeks time, but if I can't see any potential I'll back out.

This has ran on too long.
Peace.

FUCK BLOGGER

IT JUST DELETED MY WHOLE POST. AGHHHHH.

WE'RE ALL A BUNCH OF PRETENTIOUS PRICKS

I love Blakfish. Some dicks stole their gear out of their car, right after the played a charity gig. Sucky irony. I'm gonna try and make it out to this one. Brontide are playing too and they're amazing, so I'm sure the rest of the bands playing are class. I'm looking them up right now. Colour are nice. Jose Vanders seems really nice too, nice Sigur Rós vibe goin on. My First Tooth seem really nice too. These are all nice bands. Not really rockin', but nice. I can't find Scholar, I can only find Rappers and stuff...hmmm. Can't find Tape The Radio either. Buh.
I'm sure it'll be class anyways. I love the flyer though.

Sos from Chewing On Tinfoil

Bezzie mate '04. Never fails to make me laugh uncontrollably, and always makes sure I'm havin' the buzz when we're out cuz he knows how shy I am, and how terrible I am at talking to people. Him being in Rubes makes it what it is, I could never imagine not being in a band with him. Even if it was just me and him playing nothing but dischords with Crust vocals, it would still be the best buzz ever. He got me into pretty much every band I listen to these days, directly or indirectly.

I remember we became mates in 3rd year Maths class with Mr. Hannon (who turned out to love child porn). He took the piss out of me because I didn't get into the pit at Metallica but he did, and he even drew a picture of the RDS and pointed out where he was in the pit, and where I was behind it. Then the next year at Metallica he had a broken thumb so he couldn't go in the pit, but I did. Hah. Then we started a ska punk band called Rufty and fucked up the website of a rival band at school. They were dopes though so it's cool. He wrote our first riff, and he still writes about 80 - 90% of the music in our band. Then I write a small bit and he goes mad with it and writes loads of stuff around it.

We weren't friends for about a year because he didn't like my girlfriend. But now we're bezzie mates again and we kill girls and do all sorts of horrible drugs.

Waking Up Early

I woke up at about half 5 this morning. I've had this weird chesty cough the last couple of days, and I keep waking up mad early, finding it difficult to breathe. I went to get a drink of milk cuz that usually makes me feel better, but we didn't have any. Instead I had some Pineapple squash. It wasn't the best idea. It didn't help me at all and it also gave me awful heartburn. Fuck's sake.

So now I'm up. It's for the best I think, because I have to hand in an assignment today that I forgot to do, so now I can do it. I'm not in until 3 and it's only 250 words long, so it should be a breeze.

I went to a club night called New Slang in Kingston last night. It was pretty deadly. There were 3 bands playing. The first band were called Brontide and they were class. Check 'em out. Really excellent live. Tight as fuck and mad energetic. I can't remember the name of the second band, but I wasn't into them much anyway. Indie pop rock stuff. Meh. Then the headliners were Dananananakroyd. It's a pretty class name, and they were actually pretty good aswell. They seemed a bit like dicks though. At one point the singer jumped into the crowd and everyone started push-moshing. He just started shouting "STOP FUCKING MOSHING" over and over which I thought was hilarious. Then he just started giving out to everyone, saying "MOSHING IS FOR LOSERS". I'd have loved to go up and start windmilling but I'm shit at it and would have made a tit of myself haha. Then halfway through they told everyone to make a split down the middle, but they said "This isn't the Wall of Death. The Wall of Death is for LOSERS. Instead of running into each other, on the count of 4 you're going to HUG each other. This is the Wall of CUDDLES". So they counted to 4 and everyone hugged each other. It was actually pretty funny, but looked just as uncomfortable as a Wall of Death, cuz everyone was squashed into one another. Later on they made everyone do the split again but this time they got them to hold hands together and make an arch, then told people to run through it because they were 'Ordained ministers' and were going to marry people. They a lot of fun live, but I can bet they're stuck up their own holes.
On way out I went and bought this:

I didn't get the Minor Threat reference straight away but it's a cool shirt nonetheless. White T-shirts are the best.
When I was buying it I got talking to one of the Banquet Records lads because I'd overheard him talking about Adebisis Shank. I told him I'd played with them once with Skeptik Tank, and apparently he'd heard of Skep too. I have no idea how, we never played in the UK or even plugged ourselves here at all. It was pretty cool though. I told him about Moshspace anyways and he said he'd check it out, but who knows.

I have to go an do a SHITLOAD of washing and cleaning, and also try to do my assignment...ugh. I probably won't get it done after all.

Few shites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ONE

Rubes practice was fucking amazing. We have two full songs down with an intro. We're gonna finish one more (which is already on the way) and then record our demo. I seriously cannot wait for that. The last time I recorded was with Vicious Dig, and that was with bass. I have no fun with bass. So recording for Rubes is going to be mental. We may get someone else to sing, though. I've had enough with having to write lyrics and think of melodies. Plus, I'm just not a good singer. It'll be fun trying to find someone.
I think I may also be joining a band (or two!) over here. I've had a few offers to join some bands on a hardcore punk forum. I've accepted one so far, and me and this lad (who I haven't met yet...) are gonna form a pop punk band. Ah yeah.

But here, I'm going to bed.

As Awkward as a Double Hawk

For some lame reason, everytime I'm at a gig or something, I find it really difficult to talk to people that I have no trouble talking to on the net. I'm not sure what it is, maybe I'm afraid I'll have nothing to say and they'll think I'm a dope or something. Ugh I fucking hate it. If anyone's reading this and thinks that I do it on purpose, I don't. I'm just shy, I guess. I'd love to be outgoing and the life and soul of the party but I'm just not....boo hoo.

Anywise, this week hass actually been pretty great. I've gone out loads with my best mates Sos and Aido, saw my other best mates Al and Levi for a little bit and the same with other various good friends, had so much fun on Wednesday with all the lads in Antics and then we ran into Lucy and her friend which was fucking class and just made the week, really. Went to a 21st last night with class bands playing and had as much fun as I could even though I was seriously exhuasted from the previous couple of days. Tonight I think I'll be back in town, although I'm hanging out in Michelles for a bit first for some drinks with people I haven't seen yet.

Then tomorrow Rubes are practicing and I can't wait. I'm seriously excited about this band; I'm really enjoying the music we're making and I think for the first time since we've played together, we're actually all listening to the same bands right now so we should be able to work well. I'm hoping we'll record a 3-track demo that we'll bate around the place for free. I think we've come a long way from playing ska punk songs that all sounded the same.

Well there we are then.

3 EURO THRASH METAL THURSDAY

Fibbers is bleedin' shite, but I had the buzz there last night. I just drank Kopparberg all night and have minimal hangover so it's grand.

I don't know what to say.

Except I'm feeling super happy lately. I can't wait to get back to London....

Coming Home Again

I'm going back to Dublin tomorrow for the week. I'm not too sure what to think, really. I booked it weeks ago when I was mad homesick and shit. When I was back the last time, I had a kind of shitty buzz. I really hope this week is better, otherwise I won't be going back as often as I thought. There's just no point. Dublin is fucking shit. I'm gonna try really hard this week to hang out with as many people as possible at whatever time though. I might see my Great Aunt too, I haven't seen her in ages. She's old enough but still full of life, and she's hilarious and just a super sweet lady too. Plus she's from Cork so her accent is amazing.

I've had an amazing idea for a story. I'd love to make it into a book but I still have to flesh it out a bit. As it is it's just an idea, with nothing else around it. I'm gonna have to figure out character, setting, blah blah blah. I'm really happy with the idea though, I don't think it's ever been done before. I've thought of a title and everything: Endless. Get fucked if you think I'm putting anything else about it up here!

So the ol' lovelife has picked up a good bit. I'm totally undecided whether I want to be in a relationship again. It's probably a good idea not to start another so soon. I think I've just been so excited to be with someone again that I thought I wanted more than I really did. It reminds me of when I was talking to my mate Rita about me meeting new girls, and she said that Sos said of me "The next girl Chris meets, he'll end up in a relationship with for another three years". I laughed about it at the time, but I can't help feeling that he's totally right. I'm so obsessed with having a serious relationship that I can't imagine being single and being with loads of different girls. So I need to do just that and play the fucking field.

I've been thinking about getting a couple of tattoos. I've been against it for years because of my eczema. I thought that if I ever scratched over a tattoo too hard that I would scar myself and ruin the tattoo. I don't think I care anymore though. I can always get a touch up.
I want to get one that says "In Friends We Trust" after a lyric in a Daggermouth song, and another that says "The Possibilities Are Endless!" after a song by The Steal (and it's just a nice thing to remember, too).

DAGGERMOUTH

I ACTUALLY CAN'T GET ENOUGH. GET THE FUCK INTO IT.

All I've got to say is that you guys are all I need!

Writing.

People in Uni seem to enjoy my writing! I'm super happy about that. I've read out a few pieces and I got great feedback on each. I'm really enjoying this. It's making me want to write loads more.
Today I wrote a piece in third person; the first time I've tried it. It was based on me and my ex-girlfriend having lunch in the Louvre in Paris, but I changed it around a bit. The excercise was we had to describe two people sitting down to eat, and try to make it clear about where they were eating without directly saying where it was (by describing architecture, decor blah blah). I'm not sure I've done that but I liked what I wrote. Sure I may aswell put it up here:

Having finally gotten tired of just looking at things, they decided to find somewhere to eat. There was a small little place that was just upstairs from the entrance hall, and it seemed adequate enough to kill their hunger. She grabbed a little metal table that may have been better suited outside a pub, and not in a big cultural building. He joined the queue, looking at the menu above the counter. 'Nothing special' he thought, 'although I wouldn't mind one of those Belgian Waffles'. He returned to her with the food on a tray, and she didn't seem impressed with choice. Pre-packed sandwich's, bottles of Pepsi and two big, Belgian Waffles, covered in chocolate sauce.
"You call that lunch?" she nagged.
"Oh, come on. This is the most impressive sight I've seen today". He began cutting into the waffle.
"You're not even going to have your sandwich first?".
He stared at her, dropped the knife and fork, and reluctantly opened the sandwich.
"I don't understand this place." he said, "You'd think that for somewhere that houses so-called 'fine' art, they'd sell 'fine' food. I was hoping there'd be a Starbucks."
"There is a Starbucks," she told him, "I just didn't want to tell you."
His eyes widened at her. He put the sandwich down and started again with the Belgian Waffle.

I like it. I'm pretty happy with it, like. It may not be great but for the first third person piece I've done, I think it's alright.


I'm going back to Dublin on Monday for the week. I think I'm staying in my Aunt's house, because I don't want to stay in Bayside. It's such a depressing house. Fuck that.
Lucy is going to be in Dublin on Wednesday. That's going to be amazing fun. I can't wait for my friends to meet her, and just hang out like. It'll be class showing her my favourite spots.
Then I'll be going to the Greystones gig on the 9th. I'm super excited for that, I haven't been to a gig in ages!

I got my Wii back. So happy. I can't find Mario Kart though. So pissed. Gah.

See yis.

Ok

Had to edit that last post, said some scandalous shit right there.

So her name is on here now. Oh well. She came over and we had a great buzz. We watched Hot Shots Part Deux (which is class), had a few beers and some pizza. She stayed over too which was great because it meant we got to hang out for longer.

I'm getting so lazy with Uni work. I'm only halfway through Jane Eyre and I was supposed to have read it by last week. I also had A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway to read and I haven't even started it. I hate reading two books at once. Other than that Uni is going well. I've made a friend or two which is grand for me. I'm defo not the type to be everyones mate. Not that I wouldn't want to be haha. I'm just very shy. It also sucks that I'm not into things like football; a lad asked me today who I supported and I was like "Eh...my brother supports Arsenal, so I guess I do...too....". Ugh.

I need a fucking job. I really don't want to go back to Starbucks. I was so sick of it when I left. The only thing that kept me there was the people and obviously it'll be all new people if I start over here. I'm not saying they'll all be pricks or anything. Just it wouldn't be the same. I'd rather get another job. I applied to Banquet Records but they haven't gotten back to me and it's been a while so I guess they're not going to. Oh well.

I just watched the first episode of Dead Set. It's totally fucked up. I've seen zombie stuff before and was never that grossed out or anything, but this really shocked me. Seeing Davina McCall as a zombie was hilarious though haha. I'm not sure I'm in to it, it made my stomach turn a bit. I'm not big into serious TV shows anyway, but the new Futurama film is coming out in a few days and I can't wait! The first new episode was on the other day but it's just the first quarter of the first film so it wasn't anything new, which sucked a bit. Not sure I'll bother watching the rest of the 'new' episodes.


That's all I can think of for now! I have to go make up some notes on Jane Eyre. Gah.

See yiz.

Oh Christ

I'm still drunk from last night. What the fuck. Stayed in nat's apartment in Wandsworth, got up at half 9 but it was really half 8 cuz of the clocks went back and shit. Only home now at 09:52, according to my Slaptop. Shadow needed to take a huge piss. For some reason I imagined her being Mexican, and I thought I'd call her Sanchez if she was. Yeah.
It was a good night. Me and Will went to The Griffin, the strip club we were at at Ed's stag do. It was pretty good, the girls were amazingly good looking. I wanted to get a private dance for the laugh and for a boner but Will said it wasn't worth it. We went toPutney then to meet up with Nats. We waited in the queue for this club for fucking ages. I tried to chat up this girl behind us, and I think it was going ok but then we lost her when we went inside. It would have been a laugh, she was mad pretty.
And anyways, I think Lucy is coming over today and we're gonna watch DVDs and shit. It'll be pretty good.

I have to read Jane the fuck Eyre before tomorrow. I'm being a shit and just not bothering. And then I have to read A Moveable Feast by Hemingway before Wednesday. Gah.
But yeah.

Hallowe'en

I always get excited for Hallowe'en. I have no idea why. I haven't had an enjoyable one since I was young and trick or treating. Since I've been a bit older I always assume I'll have a class costume, get drunk with my friends and have an amazing night. It has never once turned out like that. Halloween is fucking shit. The only reason anyone older than 16 likes it is because it makes you feel a bit younger (although why a 16 year old needs to feel younger is beyond me). I do miss dressing up and walking around my estate at night with all my friends, getting free sweets and one time even money! I've yet to have a good Halloween as an adult so I'm gonna remain cynical until I do. Fuck Halloween.

In my moment of mental clarity...

It's weird how one person can totally change how you feel. This time a month ago I was a wreck. Filled with regret, and upset and depressed beyond anywhere I'd ever reached before.
Then I met someone, and now I feel totally different.
I have that exciting feeling in my chest, which is a more than welcome replacement to the dismal weight that was there before.
I smile when I think of her. It's all coming together, I think.
I'm the happiest I've been since the start of the summer.

If you're reading this (you know who you are), then you deserve to be happy aswell.
Take a chance. I know how you feel right now and I'm worried about you. I wish I was there for you.

Duuuuuuuuublin.

What a weird weekend. The party on Friday was bizarre. I had the buzz seeing everyone again and shit, but some people were being vicious cunts and ruined a good few peoples buzz. Especially my friend Mark who knew pretty much just me, Sos and Aido. Loads of people were like 'who's this randomer' making him feel very unwelcome. It was fucked.
Anyway the less said about that the better I think.
Dublin is shite. The weather sucks (I know London isn't much better though), the transport is horrible and I just had what felt like a very boring, lonely weekend. I actually started to wish I was back in London yesterday. At least in London I have Uni, and I can chat away to an amazing girl.
Hopefully I'll have a better time in Dublin when I'm back in two weeks. It'll definitely be better when this girl is over too (I really don't want to write her name up here, it feels weird). Anyway I'm in the airport and about to run out of time on this internet box thing lad.

Post more buzz later.

And so...

...it was class. She's so cool. I really like her a lot. I know I said that I didn't want to be in a relationship, but I don't know...she really is great. We spent the whole night talking about almost everything. I made the stupid mistake of bringing up ex's which I don't think she liked but we moved quickly on and things were fine. She's really interesting and funny and we get on well. She's so pretty aswell. I don't think she likes it when I say cheesy things though haha. I'm very cheesy. We got quite close when I was waiting for the bus. I purposely missed the first bus just so we could hang out a bit longer and I'm glad I did.
Gah, I'm just really pleased right now. This was a huuuge step forward. I'm seeing her again soon and I can't wait.

Go me.

Date Night!

I'm leaving in 15 minutes. Gah I'm so fucking nervous! Christ I hope I recognise her...

Fuck.

Excitable probabilities.

I'm going on a 'date' tomorrow! I haven't been on one in over two years, and that was my first date with my ex. We were already going out and all haha. I'm excited though. A bit nervous aswell, because I'm getting all those anxious thoughts like 'What if I can't think of anything to say' or 'What if she doesn't actually like me' blah de blah. I'm sure it'll be fine though. The only thing is that I'm really not in the place for a relationship right now. I still think about my ex a bit. I don't think I'm in love with her anymore, but I still miss her. It still hurts to think of her. I hope she understands this and doesn't hate me or something.
Anyway, I have no idea what we're doing. She's said she'll show me around London and then I have to show her around Kingston and Dublin, because she'll be in Dublin in November while I'm there too!! That's gonna be a lot of fun. I just want to have some fun right now, and she seems like a lot of fun. She's amazing, actually. Intelligent, funny and gorgeous. When I first met her in a bar in London, it was dark and I was drunk, so I can't picture her in my mind. I do remember thinking that she was really pretty though, and everyone else who was with me that night has said she's 'hot' or 'fit as chips, mate'. So I'm really happy with this.

I'll let you know.

Mixed Feelings

So my emotional meter has been flicking back and forth for a while now, and in the past day or two I've felt two amazing feelings at the same time. Anger, in all it's blissful extremity, makes me feel happy with myself. I need a healthy dose of anger to make me feel better. I'm angry. Who the recipient of this anger is, is a murky question. Obviously these feelings have stemmed from the whole break up. I'm angry for having lost someone who was so close to me, angry that she's with other people, seeing them in ways that she used to see me. I'm angry because I'm literally forcing myself not to speak to her, when it's all I want to do, and I'm angry that she herself isn't speaking to me.
What is so strange is that it makes me want to laugh. It's actually making me feel better, because I'm no longer sad. I'm angry. Sadness has taken it's seat once more and happiness is getting it's chance to take the stage, backing up the anger.
I'm sure it's all to do the multitude of people I've met recently, and one in particular who I'm really excited about. There'll be more on that later I'm sure.
For now, the shit battery on my laptop has 5% remaining and I'm not arsed looking for the charger.

See yis.

Holy shit!

I've met a girl. Wow. This is an amazing feeling.

I can't think of a title.

Oh fuck I hate break ups. Not that anyone likes them, but I really hate them. I should just try to avoid them better in the future...
It's like I want to move on so much but I can't. Agggghhhh it's fucking with my head. I keep going on to her webpages and stuff, which is just making it worse. It's like a blister in your mouth. You should just leave it the fuck alone but you can't help poking it with your tongue.
I want to know everything about what's going on with her right now; how she feels, what she's been doing, all the stupid little insignificant things that happen throughout her day that she barely pays attention to so I can hold on to them and feel that they're ours.
I've thought about it and I think even though I'll get over the break up, I don't think I'll ever get over the relationship. After these three years in London and I go back to Dublin, I'd love it for us to get back together. There was nothing wrong with the relationship; we barely ever fought and when we did, we never raised our voices or got snappy. It was mostly just disagreements and we'd be annoyed for a bit but then we'd both say it's silly to argue and get over it. We always had a laugh and were always able to talk about something interesting. I was never bored and I don't think she was either. Any problems were never ones that we created. I'd say the main (or only, really) problem was the distance, and it wasn't even that much.
I've never been so angry at myself for anything as I am for the mistake that I made. It won't leave me. The wound still remains and the scar will never fade.


What can you do when you feel like growing up is catching up on you?
I feel replace in a place I'm not a part of in a way I can't erase.
Piece by piece watch it break off.
This morning streets were lined with enemies
and I never wanted to leave so badly.
To you this promise I'll make, without you I'd never sleep.
I've changed as much as I can.

The Carrier

I literally just got into them in the last half an hour. They're class, plus they're playing in Fibbers in January. Hopefully they'll be selling this t-shirt:

It's an unbelivable shirt. Fuck. I want it.

Fuck's sake.

Good fuck I need someone. Anyone. Anyone to know, to talk to, to obsess over, to think about constantly. I definitely need that. It's just who I am.

Wheh.

Golden Hot Pants

The Freshers ball was class. We didn't go near the gig tent which I'm annoyed at myself about, because if there's one thing I want to get involved in it's local gigs. It was put on by Banquet Records too so I'm sure the bands would have been good. The Foam party was pretty cool but we didn't spend long in there. The Silent Disco was hilarious fun. It's amazing looking at everyone dancing around and singing to nothing!
It ended at around midnight so we moved on to a bar called McCluskys. We were actually there the night before. We had met some people on the way there. Two girls who were Irish (which is how we got talking) and then some other people. We hung out in McCluskys all night, and I ended up kissing one of the girls we were with. I can't remember a lot (Freshers drinks cost fuck all) but it was really great, and so is she. So I saw her again at the Freshers ball, but I guess we're both the nervous, shy type so we didn't really talk...or see each other at all for the whole night. Oh well. I got quite drunk anyway, and I was on a mission to kiss another girl. I talked to loads of girls but never really got anywhere. I guess I was that bit too drunk, where girls will humour you, but want nothing to do with you really. I was talking to one girl though, and then she whispered something to her friend, who whispered something else to her boyfriend, who came over to me and asked me to go back to his house with them. Apparently she was in to me. I had no clue what to say. Quicly enough, I assessed the situation and realised that if I did go back to yer mans house, I'd be parting from my group which included my brother and his girlfriend, and my two cousins. When I wanted to go home from his house, I'd have been by myself and wouldn't be sure where I was going. Plus, these people could have been anyone. I could have been their target for a gangraping or something. I told him that I really couldn't leave my friends so I'd pass it up. The girl didn't talk to me again after that so I think she may have been looking for a ride or something. Kind of annoyed at myself for saying no, but it's def for the best anyway.
After McCluskys we hung around the town a bit, messing with a trolley and annoying some girls and then trying to get punched from this guy who really didnt want to. I'm a dope when I'm drunk. I have pictures up here.

I've been feeling great lately. Getting on with life and meeting loads of new people. I'm even listening to loads of new music (new to me, anyway) and it's making me really happy. I've decided that I'm definitely a relationship person, so that's what I'm aiming for. Not quite yet, but I'm not the sort of person that would sleep with a different girl every week (although that would be cool). I don't know. I'm just 'discovering' myself. Blah.

Yo.

College and other stories

The first few days of college have been great. I've enjoyed all the meetings and I've got some of my books already. Kurt Vonnegut is on the course which I'm excited about because I was meaning to read his stuff. We're gonna read Slaughterhouse 5, it sounds deadly. We're also reading Hemmingway, Robert Louis Stevenson, Charlotte Bronte and then someone else I can't remember. Creative Writing is class too. Tom my brother is in that class too, which is gonna be fun!

I know that England are a bit mad for the surveillance, but I was totally shocked the other day when I saw one of these fuckers driving around:

That's right; it's a car with a CCTV camera attached to the roof. Fucking hell.

I woke up the other morning to the sound of an alarm. Not an alarm clock, this was like a burglar alarm. I got up in a daze and found my Mam in the hall going 'What is that??". We couldn't figure out what set it off but eventually we turned it off. It was really bizarre. We went about our normal morning routines until I heard sirens blaring outside. I had a look out the window and saw a fire truck outside, and firemen coming into the garden. It was the fucking Smoke alarm, not the burglar alarm! The Fireman bashed on the door really heavily and I opened it.
'You're Smoke alarm's been off!' he said.
'I know, it went off by accident' I told him.
'We'll have to come in and have a look'.
Two big Fire lads came in and had a look at the smoke alarms and the control panel for the alarm system. Apparently our Smoke alarm and Burglar alarm are the controlled from the same panel and are run from the mains, with a backup battery pack in case of a blackout. It just so happened there had been a blackout the night before. The Fire fellas seemed to think that had something to do with it, but my Mam thinks it may have been the steam from her shower. If steam can set off SMOKE alarms. Anyway, they told us to ring up British Gas and ask them to reset our alarm, which we did. That's the boring conclusion to the story.

Me and Will went out on Monday for Freshers week. It was a hat party in the Students Bar. When we got there we realised that it was strictly only students allowed in. Luckily, Will managed to blag his way in, with me talking for him in parts. When Will told the bouncer that he was living at home rather than in Halls, he couldn't believe him. He said it was 'weird', as if no one did it. Dope.
The Hat party was only alright. I didn't get to talk to anyone really, except for a few people that Will happened to know. We ended up staying with them all night and moved on to another bar. It was a really nice bar that played pretty good music, but it only had one toilet each for guys and girls. Not even a fucking urinal. So the queue was huge.
Then I eneded up waiting about half an hour to get served a drink because the cunt barman totally ignored me. Then when I did get served, I learned that most places in England don't have Miller on tap, which sucked. So I settled for Carlsberg. I got two pints because I was fucked if I was going to try to get served again. The bar was closing soon anyway. I drank them much too fast, but luckily didn't get very drunk at all. When the bar shut, we decided to go to a club called Oceana, but when we got there the queue to get in was HUGE. Like it would have been at least an hours wait. Me and Will said 'fuck it', got some Subway (the veggie patty is gorgeous) and got the 24 hour bus home.

That's all for now!

C-Wrist.

English Cops? Naaaah.

I'm in Farnham today, hanging out with Will. We went to a park with some of his mates and we were drinking in broad daylight, among parents with their kids and opposite a police station.

No one cared.

I'm amazed.

Kingston...

...is fucking AWESOME! It's such a great little town. It has everything and more, that more being Banquet Records. It's one of the best music shops I've ever been in, just as good as Rasputin or Amoeba Records in America. I picked up Campfire Punk Rock by Frank Turner and See You In Another City by Blakfish. I'm gonna go back in on Monday and get some more stuff!
Kingston has a class music scene, so I'm gonna try my best to get involved in it. I'm definitely gonna start a band over here. I was thinking a straight up pop punk band, because I can see it being lots of fun and pop punk songs are much easier to write than the kind of stuff we're doing in Rubes or Vicious Dig. We'll see what happens anyway.

The University itself is really nice. The building I'm in is new, so everythings all state of the art and shit. I got my timetable, and I'm in every day, but for never more than like, 3 hours. It's class.
Most of my tutors are women aswell, which is grand. One of them has to be a lash. Please.

The Freshers Ball sounds amazing too. There's gonna be a foam party and a silent disco! I haven't been to a foam party since I was like 12, and I've never been to a silent disco.
It's taking too long to get here! I'm sick of sitting here at home being totally bored where the highlight of my day is an alright wank. Fuck it.

More later.

Starting College

I have to go register tomorrow...wooh! I get my student ID and a 'pack' whatever that means.
Then I start officially on Monday, although the whole week is just an 'introductory' week, meaning we'll meet our lecturers and shit, and then just have the buzz later on! I can't wait for Freshers week. It's gonna be class. A chance to make some friends and meet loads of people.
I think there's a few gigs happening aswell which will be class. I'd love to start a new band over here. I think Strung out are playing in October somewhere near here, I'm gonna ask a few of the lads to stall over and we'll have the fucking fun.

I know that I said I'd stop talking about this but I dreamt about her again last night. I didn't feel so bad waking up this time, though. I think it's because I have a little crush going. It's nothing really, it's a girl I know who's even FURTHER from fucking Ireland, so nothing is really gonna happen. It's just nice to have these feelings again. I met her when she was in Ireland a while ago, it was actually just after me and my ex had split up. She's really cool and really pretty. Hopefully I'll see her again because she says she wants to come back to Ireland, so I hope I'll be there too!

Anyway, I've been doing nothing these last few days. Since I got back from Spain, it's just been: Wake up late - eat breakfast, take vitamins - watch TV - stay on internet the rest of the day - have dinner - take Dog for a piss - read a bit - go to bed.
Although the other day I went in to Wimbledon town. It's really cool. It has all the major shops and it's just a ten minute walk away from my flat, so it's super handy. I don't know about it's night life yet, I saw a few pubs but no clubs or anything. I think Kingston or Putney has loads of that stuff though and they're not too far away I think.
I got an Oyster card, which is just a handy and cheap way of using the Bus or Underground. If you get an Oyster card, prices are pretty much halved for Transport. London transport can be so fucking expensive so it's class for saving a bit of much needed cash.

I've been downloading loads of music lately, just because I have my own laptop now and the connection speeds here are unbelievable. I got two albums by a band called Osker, just on a whim because I'd heard of them through a forum called Moshspace. They're definitely my favourite band now. They play really simple pop punk, but it's so catchy and the lyrics are incredible. I've been using their lyrics everywhere...check them out.

I think that's enough for now.
G'bye!

FUCK FONTS

Ok I fucked up the fonts somehow in the last one. Fuck this blogger piece of shit, it's so annoying.

Back To The Front

I felt good yesterday. I was thinking about a girl. I was feeling better. Then I fell asleep.
I don't quite remember where the dream took place. It kept changing; one minute it was a pub, then it was a Diner. At first, in the pub, I was with my ex. We were kissing and hugging, which was reminiscent of a time I saw her before I left for London. We were getting back together in the dream. Of course I didn't realise this was a dream, so I was super happy. Anyway, the rest of the dream isn't important. I woke up.
Now I feel like I'm back to the fucking start. How the hell am I supposed to get over this if my own sub-concsience can't even forget about her?
I don't usually believe in dream interpretations, but I looked mine up anyway:

"To dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or ex-husband/wife or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life that is bringing out similar feelings you felt during the relationship with your ex. The dream may be a way of alerting you to the same or similar behavior in a current relationship. What you learn from that previous relationship may need to be applied to the present one so that you do no repeat the same mistake. Alternatively, past lovers often highlight the positive experiences you had with that person. "

Most of that doesn't seem to apply. I had mentioned that I was thinking about a girl, earlier. However, sometimes I feel like I'm forcing myself to think about her in an attempt to forget my ex, because when I really think about, I have no feelings for her. I really wish I did, but I don't.
I guess the last sentence makes some sense. We had some amazing times, and every time I talk to another girl, I always try to imagine having the same experiences with them but it never works.
I've never been so confused. I should really stop talking about this so much. Ok. Finish.

This Is My Goodbye

I can't live the same heartbreak every day.
It's there; in the pictures, the stories, the tainted memories.
It hurts to see your life without me, so I'll have to close my eyes
And wave to you goodbye.

This is not the end, but it's no beginning.
You'll live with me 'til the day I die.
I just can't see you if I'm not there too
So for now, this is my goodbye.

Getting Over It

Ugh......this sucks. I've been trying so hard to get over my ex-girlfriend, but everything reminds me of her. I keep hearing her favourite bands everywhere, seeing her favourite films and anything that meant something to both of us keeps popping up somewhere. All my passwords for things have something to do with her. I know I should change them but that's such a pain in the hole.
She's doing fine, I think. Out having fun with new friends, already meeting new guys and I'm stuck. I can't stop thinking about her, as much as I try. Everything I write on sites like Bebo and MySpace are just cries, that I'm hoping she will hear. I'm even hoping right now that she reads this. I'v put up links everywhere, hoping she looks.
I'm totally selfish. Here she is getting on with her life, making the best of what was a bad situation, and all I want is for her to want me.
I can't imagine having another relationship anything like the one we had. It was fun, happy, exciting, sexy, comfortable and....everything else. She saved me. I could have ended up a depressive recluse and at one point came very close, but she saved me.
I know eventually I will get over this. I will find someone else and be happy, like her. I'll never forgive myself, however, for what I've thrown away and potentially destroyed forever. It could have been so much more than what it was, everything that the two of us could ever want.
It would have been fun.
It would have been happy.
It would have been exciting.
It would have been sexy.
It would have been comfortable.

It would have been.

A Pair of Interested Ears

I just got back last night from spending five days in Spain with my cousin, Will. He's been one of my best friends for years, and we had a blast. His parents have a house in a place called Cambrils. It's right beside the tourist area of Salou, but it has virtually no tourists so it's really relaxed and just a great place to be.
We divided each day between soakin' up cosmic rays during the day, and drinking a lot of beers during the evenings. The first night we were there we went to a bar on the beach that was just across from our usual beach. Will has a fair bit more Spanish than I do so he tried to order some beers from the barman. He stumbled through an order but the barman seemed to understand him well enough. Will then asked me a question in English which the barman heard, and he said "You guys speak English?! Guys, come on! Everyone speaks English here".
"Oh, we know, I was just trying to get better at my Spanish..." Will sheepishly replied.
The Barman told us his name was Mauri and that he was from the Dominican Republic. He was a super cool guy. He had an amazing level of English and was able to converse with us comfortably, which he did almost every night we were there.
That first night, we got quite drunk and started up chats with everyone around us. We got to know this German couple and a lad from Luxembourg. We couldn't ever remember any of their names, which is totally rude I know, but we were super drunk. Well, I was. After talking to 'Lad' from Luxembourg (which is what we christened him), he told us he had some weed. I never really smoke weed or do any sort of drugs at all, but being drunk, I got really excited and smoked a lot with him. It was a terrible idea. Or terrible weed. I found myself sitting with a group of German kids for about an hour while they chatted in German. I just sat there saying nothing, staring blankly. Eventually I realised how thick I looked and went back to the bar to find Will.
Unfortunately that night, Mauri only had half pint plastic glasses to offer us. When we said we'd really love a pint, he decided to give us a two litre jug of beer for the price of a pint. Being the intelligent consumers, we took full advantage of this offer. Four times. I hadn't been that drunk in a good few months, and eventually of course, I needed to get sick. According to Will, I was adamant that I wanted to get sick into the sea, and not on the sand. Apparently my reason was that 'kids be playin' on that n' shit'. I got thunderously sick into the sea, and then we went home.

The next morning I woke up with a crash. The steel pot Will had placed beside my head, in case I got sick, fell to the floor with a horrible loud noise. I had an awful hangover. My head wasn't so bad, but my stomach felt like a few rats had a shit party in it. In an attempt to get my blood sugar levels up, I tried to force down a cereal. I had about two soggy spoonfuls and couldn't manage anymore. I had a glass of apple juice which went down ok, and then about two spoons of a strawberry yoghurt. I sat back and admitted defeat. I just could not eat anything. Will gave me a bottle of water which I wolfed down. Then I felt that old feeling. I ran to the toilet and got sick again. Only when I had finished, I felt amazing. I could eat the full yoghurt!

We did this for a few days, and then on Saturday we went into Salou for a night on the 'tiles', except there was mostly pavement. I still don't get that phrase.
We got a taxi there, and as soon as we stepped out, some lad from an Irish pub cringingly called 'Danny Boys' came up to us and desperately tried to get us to go inside. He was from Northern Ireland and said things like "Free shots with your first drink! A live band playing great hits from bands like Snow Patrol and Oasis! You love them, right!". In spite of his off-putting enthusiasm, we went in for one drink. There were too many Iirsh people inside. Who the fuck goes on Holiday to be with the people they were trying to get away from in the first place? Irish people, apparently. We drank up quick and moved on. We went into various clubs which were all the same really, until we ended up in a club called Kiss. The whole place was shaped like a pair of lips, with the bar in the middle. It was kind of small but it was great. There were a lot of Irish and British people in there though, but I suppose that's what Salou is made up of. We got talking to a good few people and started having a great time. We met this English lad called Henry at the bar and he was a bit sleazy, going around feeling up girls. One girl he tried to feel up turned out to be Irish, and I got talking to her. Well, very limited talk since it was very loud. We started dancing anyway and things got very close. She took me outside where we talked a bit more and started kissing. It was great. Having just gotten out of a serious relationship a few weeks previous, it was so liberating and uplifting just to be with someone again. We stayed outside for a while getting to know each other and kissing aswell.
At one point we heard a bit of commosion going on from the door of the club. Two lads were knocking the shit out each other. After a minute or two I realised one of them was a bouncer. Another bouncer came along to help, and they both threw this guy straight into a wall. He tried to get up, but stumbled and fell. He had blood on his face. The bouncers just stood there with their arms folded. The guy's friend stood face to face with the bouncer, screaming at him that she was going to call the police, but the bouncer didn't budge. It's weird how they can do that, but I guess it's their job. This guy was obviously causing trouble, he looked like he was seriosuly drunk.
After that, we went back inside for some more dancing. We were together for ages, and it was amazing to have that closeness back again. I knew it wouldn't lead to anything serious and I wasn't even looking for that, but it made me so happy.
Will came and found me. He said he'd been with at least six different girls while trying to find me. I didn't doubt it, I'd seen him do similiar things myself. He was with two girls at the time, and they wanted to go to another bar. The girl I was with wanted to stay with her friends. It was just a fling, so we said our goodbyes and I left.
Will, two girls (who turned out to be Irish aswell) and I went to another bar called Snoopys. It turned out that one of the girls was actually a barmaid around Salou, so we got into the VIP area. It sucked. It was so boring and we were probably the most Important People there. We stayed for fifteen minutes before they wanted to go back to Kiss. I got a bit shifty. I thought that if the first girl I was with saw me come back with two other girls she might slap me or something. When we got back, I saw her with another guy. I was relieved. I'm still in a relationship frame of mind, so it still feels like I'll get in trouble if I'm with another girl. Although she was with someone else, I still tried to avoid her, because I had told her I was going home...
It was a great night in the end. I needed something exactly like that to help me get over my ex-girlfriend and it made me feel great. The whole holiday, even though it was just five days, was so relaxing and helped clear my head. I had been slightly depressed before I went but I was feeling great now. We spent our last night hanging out with Mauri on his beach bar and we exchanged emails and the like. Our last morning was spent on the beach, diving off rocks and trying to get some colour into my pasty Irish skin.

We got back to London that evening, had some pizza and went to bed. We spent a good eight hours traveling, due to using the remote airports Reus and London Luton. I hate English trains already.

Holidays are class. It felt weird coming 'home' to London though. I'm still not used to it. It made me sad not to be in Dublin. I'm still homesick, but I'm sure when college starts I'll get over it.
New people will never replace the old ones, but it'll be nice to make some friends. London will never be my home, but it will be a nice three-year holiday.

Chris

And now, we proudly present...

London.

I guess this is the start of my new life. What's strange is I haven't totally left the old one behind, so whatever I turn into will be a hybrid of the old me, and the new me; everything in between. This will be the story of how that happens. For now, sleep.

Chris.