Depression Is No Fun

I've been feeling really down lately. Mainly because I'm not doing anything, I really miss Lucy and I really really miss my friends. What I wouldn't give to be drinking Mixed Fruit Kopparberg with Sos in Fibbers listening to him shouting ''MEEEEEETTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLL', and then having the chats with everyone. I'm seriously lolling thinking of that!

I've been meaning to look for a job. I've printed out 20 CVs but I've just been too lazy to go out and do it. I keep waking up really late aswell, like at two or three every day, and I look like an absolute lowlife when I sleep too late so no one would hire me. I set alarms for nine and everything, but I just get little to no sleep at night lately so I sleep right through it. I have to do it tomorrow though. My ma will kill me otherwise. I need to move out too. I'm gonna wait until I have closer friends though and get a gaf with them and it'll be gas.

I'm finally seeing Lucy on Wednesday. It has actually taken this long for me to see her. I keep getting these horrible fears like she's already seeing someone else or something. I've even been trying to think of who she might be with, which is fucking silly and I feel like a dick. I get so obsessed with girls, it's not funny. I'd love to be a Pussy King but it's not gonna happen.

The title of this blog is a Bomb The Music Industry reference by the way, I'm not actually depressed haha. I watched Stephen Fry's documentary on Bipolar disorder the other day, it was great. And depressing, hah. I hate my ego. I started wishing the other day that I was clinically depressed so more people would care about me. Sometimes I wish I was in hospital or really sick or something, just so people would pay more attention. It's stupid and selfish but a lot of the time I can't help but feel like I'm just someone in the background who makes no difference to anyone's life. I've never been the most popular person who can make everyone laugh. I'm seriously insecure and I hate it. Whenever I see a guy who is obviously good looking I get so jealous, and if I have a girlfriend at the time I feel scared that she might see him too and think he's better looking than me. Ugh.

I need many hugs.